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Disappointed in myself.

Thetis's picture

Submitted by Thetis on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 7:21pm

I have no idea whats wrong with me but ever since the judge told us (friday) that my SD3 will be leaving to live with her mom I can't stand to be around her. I flip from severely depressed, to angry and annoyed, and I just can't seem to control it. I love this little girl more then anything before, and now it seems like since she's going to be leaving anyways I just can't wait for her to be gone.
Idk I think I might be trying to protect myself somehow but I wish I wouldn't. I only have until Sunday with her and I want to make sure when she leaves she knows "her Thetis" loves her and will always be here for her, but I can't seem to pull myself together. Its pissing me off. I'm upset with myself for not being stronger. This little girl has done nothing wrong, but when she whines over something that she normally would, I just want to be extra tough, or when she tells me that she "very loves" me it reduces me to sobs and tears.
Has anyone been through this? I was not expecting it at all and I feel completely unprepared. Is disengaging the wrong idea right now? Its the easiest but it seems so mean. Guys I'm so destroyed, I just don't know what to do.

Comments

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 7:40pm

Don't disengage. You have till Sunday take her everywhere she loves in your area....spend lots of time with her...have her sleep in your bed. You can be strong!!

Do these things, if you don't you will regret it. Take advantage with the time you have.

alwaysme's picture

Submitted by alwaysme on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 8:41pm

That is really horrible, dont feel bad about the way you feel, i think you are just projecting anger towards her mother onto SD because SD is the source of your pain (unwillingly of course). I really dont think there is much you can do but try your best to be strong until sunday and put the anger somewhere else for the time being, as hard as that is. Or like Gettingby said you will do something you will regret and cant take back because she will be gone.

Let it all out on Sunday or Monday anyway you know how!
Good luck and take care

Thetis's picture

Submitted by Thetis on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 9:36pm

Thank you for this reply. I kinda thought that it was a projection of anger but its nice to have some one say its ok. I'm trying as hard as I can. I love her.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 5:58am

I completely agree with alwaysme!

I think it's important Thetis, to focus on the positives of you and your SD's time that you've had with her. It might help to sit down and make a list of all of her good qualities, and write out the happy moments you two shared.

What will the visitation schedule be once SD goes to BM's?

___________________________________________________________________________
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”

Storm76's picture

Submitted by Storm76 on Thu, 10/15/2009 - 4:06am

As she's 3, would she understand if you tell her that if you get upset this week it's because you're going to miss her when she leaves, not because you're angry with her?

It's the problem of being the SM - no matter how close you get over how many years, you've not got rights of your own over the child. I hope you can enjoy these precious days with her

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