His and Ours...
My DH always tells me when I harp on him for putting the kids from his first marriage first and letting them behave the way they do that he wished i came into this relation ship with someone elses child so I could see his point of view...Sometimes I wish I did too so it could be HIS, MINE and OURs....so all these years that it has felt like me vs. him and his kids, I would have had a little one on my side, so HIS kids would see from mine that I don't hate kids...so I could show him that I would be much more mature than him and his exwife at doing this shared custody crap, and so I can show him that you don't have to put up with being ex-wifed doormat in order to see you kid,,,if I had kids with an ex, his ass would have to be a much better parent than my SKIDS BM or he wouldn't get as much access to them. I would have fought harder to keep MY kids from a verbally abusive parent than he did...and I would not have put my child in the middle, I would have been open to my exes new wife having a relationship with my kids as long as she was not abusive in any way...AND MY kids could have taught his KIDS how to show some respect, how to be loving towards your parents, how to love you little brothers because there is no way on earth I could have given birth to a child and let them be as cruel as my SKIDS are to their own flesh and blood. And so my kids would have older siblings to look up to as role models... MY kids would have accepted OUR KIDS, HIM AND ME, and HIS kids without feeling any less loved.
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I went through this
I went through this conversation with DH. I had an abortion before I met DH with an ex, and actually, It was around the same time he concieved SS, so my kid and SS would have been about the same age. He told me that things would have been easier if I had had that child, so I could see his point of view, and I said, "yeah, and so you would know what its like to have the past constantly linger in your present, and attack you every chance they get and so he could still be hung up on me like she is with you and you would have to know what it feels like to have to be guarding your marriage from someone attempting to threaten it all the time." I went on from that, but I think you get where the conversation went. He shut up after that. Youre right, sometimes I do wish I had another child with someone else, just so he would know that it wouldnt have made anything easier, or me more understanding, it would have possibly proven to him how to treat an ex who is a parent of your child, and how hard it is to be the step parent in the situation.
yeah I had a miscarraige at
yeah I had a miscarraige at the same time my skids were born (thank god as i was just out of high school)
I got so sick of DH saying you don't know what it is like. I didn't but I know it doesn't haev to be like this.
This blog hits a nerve. I
This blog hits a nerve.
I said the same thing to my DH as Mommywood said to hers. I also added that I hope in the future that BM marries someone with adult skids and they give her the kind of hell that my adult skids give me. An eye for an eye, so to speak. That's the only way they'll know what it really feels like to have to always be looking out for trouble.
I only wish my x would treat
I only wish my x would treat his first kids... well as his kids. He had another set and totally forgot about the two he already had. My kids have not had a relationship with their father in 7 years and before that, it was minimal. So I commend these men for still looking out for their first kids.
oh yes! DH is an amazing
oh yes! DH is an amazing father, we ALWAYS try to include SS in everything, I even remind him when he feels like its a me, DH, and BD thing. But hes an amazing father, and part of the reason I fell in love with his was when I first saw him with SS and how much SS loved him. I would never ask him to ignore SS, and I am glad that he would never be they type to want to do that. His father left him as a child, so i guess he always has the at the back of his mind to never leave ss out, and I commend him for it, and love him even more for it.
im sorry your x didnt think that way, more for your children. As many men may come into and out of your kids' lives (not that im insinuating that you have a lot of men around at all), there is only one Bio dad, and that is the one they seek the approval of the most, i say this from seeing it with DH. MIL always had men back and forth, and still does, some have been great to DH, and treated him even better than his bio dad-- but DH always holds his bio father first, no matter how bad his dad fucks up.
Oh I commend him for being
Oh I commend him for being there for them too esp w/ the PIA that BM can be, but they dont have to have so much power in our lives, teh SKIDS or the EX. That was what I would like to have been able to show DH by example if I had had my own kids coming into this.
But being there for kids form first marriages doe not have to mean not being there for your kids you have in your current marriage. DH is there more for the kids who live hear half the time than for the kids ( his kids 0our kids) who live here all the time.
It doesnt make any
It doesnt make any difference. DH and I BOTH have kids from a previous marriage and he still acts the same bone-headed way!
well, i guess now we know
well, i guess now we know how it would have gone for us! thanks for answering that one!