I'll tell you from a BMs point of view. My x's wife is of no significance to me. I don't care one bit about her or how she feels about me. All I care about is how she treats my children. With that being said, I would laugh at her if I knew that she was still so upset by me and that I take up space in her head. I would pity her that she feels that she is in competition with me. I am completely indifferent to her. She is my x's wife. She is nothing to me.

As a SM, I wouldn't give my husband's x the satisfaction of letting her know she upset me. I am indifferent to her as well. She is my husband's problem. I support my husband and I discuss certain things with my husband but when it comes time to actually discuss it with his x, it is his responsibility to relay OUR decision....lol.

Calling her out on her behaviour is not going to help anything, if she's already telling the skids not to listen to you etc it will just be letting her know that it's working.

This is the place to vent though - so all those frustrations with BM, all the little things that are adding up to get you down - talk about them on here.

i had a run in with BM this morning- she basically stalked BF and i on our way to work and then proceeded to park right where we walk to our building. (nevermind the fact she has her own parking garage a few blocks over)
anyways, i just let her say whatever she wanted and kept my mouth shut. don't get me wrong i had plenty of things in my head that i wanted to come out of my mouth. in the end she's the one that looks like the ass.

I did this once and it did stop a lot of PAS-type issues from BM BUT it took a long time and still really hasn't recovered for SD. They both got a lot worse before they got any better, because we dared to say anything about their treatment of DH.

But we are now seeing some progress from SD and we HAD to set boundaries of what we were going to take from them, i.e. screaming phone calls, character assassination, monetary demands, disrespect from child, etc. I feel the progress would not have been made if we had NOT drawn the line that said, no more buster-!

So I say do it, just plan it out if you can and not speak clearly out of anger. I don't see any reason why you can't defend yourself or stand up for yourself, and put the blame where it belongs. Of course they will not like it, but they need to learn, you are not their doormat!

I took the time to write a letter, actually to SD 16 at the time, so I could plan what was said and not be led into tangents like they do. I got DH's input and approval, then I e-mailed it. I did it that way so that there was no question of exactly what I said. BM then got involved but I addressed SD directly - BM is beyond hope so didn't even waste breath on her mental self, SD is the one we care about.

Lately I am realizing that was a turning point in our relationship as up to then DH tried to 'take the high road', that had his kid talking back to him and calling him names. SD actually thought that was ok because her mom told her it was - wrong. I had to write it because they had him so beat down that he felt if he accepted their abuse, because that is what is was, they would stop - well bullies don't just stop, you have to stand up to them.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)