Good morning Kevin...thanks for posting your story. It really does put things into perspective. It's funny you mention living life like a Norman Rockwell painting...my husband says this all the time about his hopes for us.

Glad to see you took the time to come back and blog further.

~Why run away? I know who I am...you know who I am. Just let me be~

Kevin, I'm just trying to understand why YOU think your relationship ended this last time? I can tell you that I once dated a military man (currently in Afghanistan) and he also had no children of his own and he was VERY HARD on my children. He treated them like little "mini adult soldiers". He also tried to control me, he checked the mileage on my car constantly and when I went out with my girlfriends, he would inevitably show up and "pretend" he was surprised to see me. My kids were afraid of him and I got to a point where it was intolerable having him around and I broke it off. He kinda went off the deep end when it ended. Called my work incessantly, left nasty messages on my boss' answering machine, came to my job and parked outside, broke into my home and stole my cell phone, my TV remote (?), and also the top half to my pool cue. These things he took, besides the cell phone, were just bizarre. The remote was a hassle to replace and cost me $40 and my pool cue was a gift from my ex-husband and he took only the top half which was no good to him and the bottom half was no good to me. He had also left some things at my house (he never lived with me), like a partial 12 pak of pop, a half a bottle of liquor, and a half loaf of bread he brought over for me one time when I needed some. He called incessantly demanding these items back. When I offered to meet him in a public place, he refused. He insisted that I bring them to his home. So, I called the police and had them escort me to his home so I could deliver these items to him. I was literally afraid NOT to deliver these items. I never spoke to him or saw him again after that day. When I brought the police to his house, he knew I meant business and he finally left me alone.
I'm not trying to say that you're THIS crazy, or crazy at all, but I do know from my ONE experience with a military man w/no children (don't know if that even matters), that the ending was not good. I do not pretend to be an expert on the topic, so please take no offense. I was trying to think of a reason why you and your ex broke up. Do you think you were hard on her kids? Even a little bit? Could she be having the mama bear syndrome? If she's extremely easygoing with her kids, and any little discipline or guidance you tried to give them rubbed her the wrong way, that could explain some things. A lot of moms can see no wrong in their children even when they're clearly misbehaving.
Kevin, please don't think that I am comparing YOU to this situation I was in. But, I can tell you that although this is probably unfair of me to say this, to make a "blanket" decision, but I would never date another military man again. I also must tell you that my best friend in the whole world is married to a wonderful military man who has no children of his own (she has 2) and they get along beautifully.
Anyway, Kevin, for whatever reasons your ex decided to end the relationship. She has certainly given you mixed signals in all this and it must be very hard to give up on the family you so desperately wanted. I couldn't imagine how hard that must be. Again, I'm just trying to figure out what could have possibly gone wrong, as you seem blindsided by the break up.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

Still does not excuse the lewd remarks or the profanity that was thrown around by you.
If you are looking for sympathy or understanding you are not getting it from me.

The last post you posted was suppose to be your last post and now this. Is this really the last one? I hope so!

And this too shall pass..."

Kevin
It sounds like you are on track to hook up with one of the BMs we all moan about on here--many of them are bi-polar narcissists who are great at getting people to rescue them but then treat everyone like garbage. After a couple of failed marriages myself, I had to look at why I "over-functioned" and let my partner "under-function." It's all related to being a helper, fixer, rescuer and being more comfortable giving than receiving. I had to realize I deserved love (not just to give it) before I could find my soulmate, DH. We have a two-way relationship that is mutually supportive and loving. We rarely argue and neither of us is abusive to the other.

Do some thinking about what you want. Study the patterns and red flags that seem to crop up again and again.

I still don't see the point! Your ex girlfriend doesn't want to be bothered with you! She doesn't want you why are you still here?

Why are you seeking advice on a dead issue?? I guess you are still going to go the stalker route!

Again there are plenty of sites for people that have issues maintaining a relationship.

Just the other day you come on here and dirty up this website with your vulgarity and name calling and today it's suppose to be cool. Yeah right!

"And this too shall pass..."

You really need help.

"And this too shall pass..."

KTM, unless you stop responding to the negative comments, you won't be able to take anything positive away from this.

IMO, sounds like your ex (who had the baby) was using you for insurance, bar money, etc. Sorry if that hurts, but that's what it sounds like. Don't allow yourself to be used. Stand firm in who you are. Try to dig deep and figure out what it is that will make YOU happy in a relationship, and don't stop and settle on the 'needy/greedy' types.

On another note, I have to thank you (and all of our brave servicemen) who have served our country in what has got to be one of the scariest situations to be in. War. I can't even imagine it.

Kevin, I am guessing that you do not want to hear from me... but ... well, here goes...

I read your post and saw many things. Yes, you see, I can completely understand a man going away for months at a time doing a job and coming home to a girl pregnant or, just as bad, having cleaned out the entire house. So the man comes home to a literally empty home, and the wife has gone and moved in with someone else. (Thanks for your service, by the way. I do appreciate the Vets!!)

And yes, I can also appreciate and understand the fact that you can get into the same type of relationships over and over again. So while you do have a part in it, the fact remains that sometimes it IS the people you choose just as much as who you are.

But... and here's my big BUT!! Reading your blog above makes me even more convinced that you need to seek professional help. And I"ll tell you why. But first, let me tell you that this is not some anonymous advice based on a blog... I really believe you... and I also have some experience in the things that you have written about - either personally, or very close friends.

The reasons why I think you need help are this...

1. If you keep picking the same women over and over again, you really do sometimes need to do more than look within. You need to look within with a professional that can help you figure out WHY you do it. Sometimes the answers are there, but we cannot see them for ourselves, and our friends cannot either. It could be a deep rooted family issue from too long ago before you were able to verbalize memories.

2. To help you see without judgment why some of your actions could be perceived as what you don't mean them to be perceived as. Sometimes hearing it from people that have no real interest in the situation helps. By that I mean... they're not your friends, they're not divorced women, they're not bio moms.... If someone gives you an opinion on your behavior and they could care less about you, her, the kids or whatever..... it's usually very spot on.

3. And this is the biggest reason why I am still writing to you. THREE restraining orders. NOT ONE. THREE. That says something right there. I'm sorry. One restraining order against someone.... sure, it could be a lie, a personal vendetta, that person could just be easily scared... whatever excuse you want to make. But 3? Your words and/or actions have caused 3 women who I don't think know each other one bit to separately seek protection from you. That's a strong statement. And one I think you need to look at.

Take this for what you will. I really am only trying to help.

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

Ok but are you saying that THREE different women ALL lied and had restraining orders on you?

I can understand one bad relationship that resulted in an RO, but 3? Can you understand why I have a very hard time believing that?

Clearly after 3 restraining orders one would get the hint. Maybe "I" am doing something wrong?? Kevin the Man please read below. Hopefully, after reading and comprehending you will understand WHY these women placed an RO on you. I think you meet at least 3 or more of the traits. Hopefully after reading you will not get RO #4 in your next relationship:

The Abuser
This section talks briefly about some traits and characteristics commonly displayed in an abuser. Although these traits do not apply to each and every single abuser, they do apply to a majority of them.

FACTS:
An abuser is not always a man
An abuser is not always the product of an abusive childhood.
You can not always spot an abuser "from a mile away". In fact, many former victims can tell you that they would have never suspected their abuser until it was already too late.
An abuser is not restricted to inflicting only physical pain. Most times, the psychological damage far exceeds the physical damage.

COMMON TRAITS:
Denial: In many cases, the abuser will act as if nothing happened, in order to excuse his/her behavior. If they do admit their actions, it is always the fault of the victim. They justify their actions by claiming that they were provoked.
Abusive men and women tend to feel inadequate and depressed. Abusive men and women generally come off to the outsider as arrogant and overly self-confident. This is in fact a defense mechanism they use to hide their dislike for themselves.
Jealousy and possessiveness: An abuser feels jealous and over-possessive of their victim. They often demand to know their victims whereabouts at all times, get insanely jealous at the slightest hint of someone else getting any of their victims attention, and become very hostile at the thought of losing their "property".
Domination and emotional attachment: An abuser expects complete attention and support from their girlfriend / boyfriend / wife / husband. Abusers expect and demand complete control and submittance on the part of their victim.
Inability to understand or recognize their problem: The abuser is often times, if at all, the last person to admit that they have a problem. Abusers commonly do not respond well to counseling because they are unable to understand their anger or confusion.
Alcohol and drug abuse: Abusers tend to lean towards drugs and/or alcohol as an "escape". However, the effects of the drugs and alcohol make the attacks much more intense. Many interviewed abusers, accused of murder, use alcohol and drugs as their alibi. "I did not know what I was doing" or "I can't remember" are very common excuses.
Manipulation: Abusers know how and when to make their partner feel guilty. By causing guilt, the victim is more likely to stay and deal with the abuse, rather then feel "responsible" for any harm their abuser might inflict on themselves. Suicide is frequently used as a method of manipulation. Sometimes an abuser will go as far as to cut or cause other forms of harm to themselves in order to keep their victim from leaving.
Frequent abuser: Many abusers have previous instances of abuse in their pasts. Some might have even been arrested or treated for violent tendencies. However often times their current partner is unaware of these situations.
Obsessed with weapons: Many abusers are infatuated with weapons. They will collect certain weapons, spend countless hours talking about weapons, and participate in events which give them the power to use weapons.
Stalking: As an undercover method of maintaining control, an abuser will stalk or follow their partner from a far. Its purpose is to frighten their victim, and to prevent them from taking the initiative to leave. Overall, stalking invokes fear, without the abuser even touching their victim.

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"And this too shall pass..."

BUDDY LET IT GO! YOUR NOT THE ONLY MAN ON THE PLANET TO HAVE HIS HEART BROKEN. THE WAY YOUR GOING ON AND ON AND ON IS STUPID. SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU...MOVE ON...LIVE LIFE ...MEET SOMEONE ELSE IN TIME. WHAT YOUR DOING ON HERE SEEMS CREEPY AND LIKE YOUR A STALKER...GIVE IT UP BUDDY IT'S OVER OK? GET IT? OVER!!!!!

" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore