My SD is just like that...VERY into how "beautiful,talented,amazing and wonderful" she is. And she absolutely can't unstick her face from the mirror. She thinks no one is in her league and she's only 11. She talks about how great she is at everything...I wish I was making that up but it's unfortunately so true. She talks about how she's the best artist,dancer,singer,etc... and anyone who isn't blonde with blue eyes just isn't pretty.

I tune her out bc it's annoying but who am I to undermine her confidence? Who am I to tell a child, "um...sd your singing is offkey and makes my ears bleed and your dancing is so off time that I get embarrassed for you when watching." Not my job to take her off her "I'm so great" high horse. She was perched there by TheFrizz and DH...so I let her stay there. Who knows, maybe I would be better off today if I would have been this way as a child? maybe I wouldn't have the confidence issues I struggle with on a daily basis.

By the way...your husband is a smoldering, yummy Grade A choice cut of beef but you're a hottie-mchottie-totties too ya know!!

~Why run away? I know who I am...you know who I am. Just let me be~

Ok now, Barbie & Stick are HOTTIES! (And their hubbies aren't bad either! LOL!)

As far as the mirror thing goes Stick, my sister and I both have a HORRIBLE habit of looking at ourselves ALL.THE.TIME. I have a small mirror in my desk drawer and I look in it multiple times a day. I have a compact in my purse, etc... It's NOT because I think I'm beautiful, it's because I always want to be REASSURED I look ok and don't have eyeliner smeared down my face or a booger hanging in my nose or something in my teeth. My sister is the very same way, always checking to see if she's 'OK' or not. We developed these habits separately too because I left home at 18 and she was just 8 years old then, so she didn't pick this up from me. So maybe your SD is actually looking for reassurance that she is in fact beautiful? Maybe she is very insecure and that's how she copes? Just a thought anyway.

I too am guilty of looking in the mirror all.the.time. Sometimes I will be talking to someone while looking at myself! Its because, like WSM I want to make sure I look OK.
I actually worry about my own son. It seems like he constantly needs to be reassured that he is good looking/fun/good kid. And its hard because I don't want him to be lacking in the confidence department. I want him to love who he is, but my assuring him only goes so far.

I've read many, many articles about research saying that this generation of kids shows more narcissistic tendencies than any in the past. No surprise, really, with helicopter parents, social networking, lots and lots and lots of media (film, tv, fashion, advertising) focusing on and targeting THEM specifically, etc.

http://www.parentdish.com/2009/04/28/parents-partially-to-blame-for-narc...

I know that my OSD is almost-compulsively told everything she does is amazing. (Well, it's gotten better with DH lately.) Seriously, sometimes I expect to hear DH or BM crow "NICE JOB, _____!" upon seeing her successfully tie her shoes (she's 17). But that's not strictly appearance, of course.

My SD looks at herself in the mirror all the time, too. In fact, we have a large mirror above our couch, and sometimes when we're all sitting there watching TV, she will get up for no reason I can fathom and stand on the couch just so she can look at herself in the mirror, muss her hair, pout her lips and turn her face from side to side, etc. And honestly, she is not at all the most narcissistic kid I know, AT ALL.

I'm not sure what can be done about it. I do know that I've talked to my H a lot about, instead of complimenting her on her looks, complimenting her on her accomplishments, and ONLY accomplishments that are ACTUALLY accomplishments. Like, finishing a sudoku doesn't deserve a standing ovation, you know?

Who knows. SUCH a tough line to draw between helping them develop healthy self-esteem, and creating a kid that expects a parade every time she learns a new word. Hard to help a kid feel good about the way she looks, and unintentionally fostering an obsession with those looks.

And also -- yes, Stick, your husband is FINE! But you are freaking GORGEOUS!!!!!

BB

"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin

My SS doesn't have the mirror issue, but he is very much into himself. He brags about things that don't even make sense. Like once he told me he was a good nutritionist. He eats junk for every meal and I've never seen him get close enough to a vegetable to smell it, let alone eat it. He is own biggest fan, and brags often about how good he is at everything he touches. For example, he'll brag to me about how good he is at school work, which is something he is actually quite terrible at. I'm not sure if he is bragging about something he is good at when he really isn't to convince me, or convince himself. He may be trying to compensate for how bad he knows he's at something, by trying to lie about how good he is at it hoping he'll convince the listener. He also may not be thinking that deeply at all, and is bragging because he's just that delusional and believes it. I just chalked this up to being male. I think it's irresponsible of me to indulge SS's delusions about how great he is at schoolwork, because his performance is nothing to celebrate. SS is self absorbed in general and I handle it the way I handle a lot of things, by ignoring it as much as possible. Sometimes I can't ignore it though. DH is the type of parent to cheer and also insist I join in, and make a fuss over grades I would be punishing him for. Then I put on a blank expression to hide how I really feel and give a pretty enthusiastic "Yep, way to go. Great job on those grades."

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

I may be a little biased, but my DS is a super cutie pie. He's not into his looks, doesn't look at himself in the mirror, and is very humble when receiving a compliment about how he's such a cutie, he starts to blush and has this slight grin on his face.

My DD and SD on the other hand are always in competition with one another, about every single thing. I get the sense that SD's confidence makes DD feel beneath her somewhat so she is constantly trying to prove that she's just as good. She also looks in the mirror constantly and I do think this has to do with insecurity on some level.

Stick, I don't know how old your SD is, but I think that girls, especially as they get older feel this need to 'out do' other girls, which causes insecurities in themselves. Maybe there are girls in her school or that she's friends with that she constantly feels beneath and in competition with?

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“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."