I wouldn't have a conversation with BM. She is insignificant to me. She is just the mother of my husband's children. Any decisions that need to be made regarding raising them is between the two of them. I have no vested interest in the outcome. I support my husband's decisions and will give my opinion if he asks me. I play games with them and teach them crafts and baking when they are in our home. When they are not with me, I don't even give their other house a second thought unless he brings them up and needs some insight into the female psyche since his children are girls. His x isn't even on my radar screen.

Well, we tried that before we got married and moved in together. We met with her in June 2008 - and didn't get married and move in together until Aug 2008. It did not help... at all! It actually caused her to be even more foolish.

I would love to sit with her at this point and tell her.... I am not trying to take her place, nor do i need to try to take her place. I would love to tell her to sit back and think about the feelings of the little girl involved. It is not good for her that her mother is always talking negative about her daughter's father and step-mother... and then SD knowing that she is lying and is not being honest. It is so un-fair to that little girl.

I would let her know that I understand she feels it is unfair DH has moved on and remarried - and she feels upset as she has yet to marry - but life is about moving forward and doing what is right and best for yourself and child.

I would assure her that I have better things to do than be petty with her and that no matter how she feels - I am not leaving my husband and I will always continue to treat my SD with love and care. As she has told my DH before I was not authorized to be in the same home as her daughter and I should not do anything in reference to her daughter.

I would also tell her that I will always consider her daughter in my actions as she is the most important thing in this entire situation.... not whether her mother and grandmother like me.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

I would tell her that she has a lot of nerve and is a lying b!tch! She hated her own mother for years for lying to her about who her dad really is, and now she is doing it to her own son. She committed paternity fraud because she knew my DH would support her son, and apparently believed the bio dad wouldn't? That her claiming to "not really know" is bullshit, because she knows who she slept with, so she had to know there was a possibility DH wasn't dad, and considering the timeframe, a very likely one! She's a lying manipulative whore who cheated repeatedly, got pregnant and then tried to get my DH to play daddy to those kids as well. She needs to grow up and take responsibility for her actions and quit being so selfish! OH WAIT....I already told her all this! I obviously have no respect for her.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

BM and I actually had a conversation in regards to our relationship. I told her that while I like the fact that we can be friends and laugh together, I also feel insecure in that because I'm still uncomfortable with her and BF being "friendly". I admitted my insecurities and jealousy.

She in return admitted to her insecurities and jealousy of me. She told me that she was insecure with my relationship with her children thinking the children would begin to like me better than her. I also think we were both insecure about our physical appearance compared to each other.

What it boils down to was her insecurity in regards to her children, and my insecurity in regards to BF....when in reality, neither one of us are a threat to what we fear. Having that talk has allowed us to break down walls that we both put up, and has allowed us to view each other as human, flaws and all.

___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

I think I would tell her to do us all a favor and drive off a cliff.

I would say....

I understand how hard it was to have another mother involved with your child so quickly after your marriage ended because it happened to me too.

I know what it's like to hear your kids rave about the new mother in their lives, because my sons were only 2 and 5 at the time and thought she was the shiniest thing since a new Christmas toy.

I know what it's like because Noah used to call his SM, "My (SM's name)" and it was so affectionate and a slight jab in my heart.

I know what it's like to have another mother's opinion influencing the man who once shared parenting decisions with you, b/c it happened to me more than once.

I know how you feel when I pick up the phone instead of your ExH, or your DD, b/c it happened to me back then, and sometimes still does with my sons' SM.

And b/c I feel it when I talk to you too.

I know your exH can be difficult to talk to when he's mad, b/c he is for me and b/c I hear him being so on the phone to you.

I know how you felt when your daughter turned her love and affection away from you and chose me, because... now she has turned away from me to you.

I know...

that you are doing the best you know how to do, that you are afraid of taking full responsibility b/c she may turn away again, because I am in the same boat with her.

I wish I could hug you...

And tell you I know.

And I'm sad that will never happen because...

you don't know...and don't want to know...

me.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen

from the bottom of my heart i would tell her completely sincerely in a calm monotone that she is a juvenile, narcissistic, money hungry piece of chewing gum that i cannot seem to scrape off the bottom of my shoe and that she can go fuck herself, preferably in a different time zone.

I would tell her to stop being a B*tch to me, because I make sure HER child comes back to HER house CLEAN and with a full stomach, and that I don't prevent FH from calling her or his BS, in fact I have to NAG and NAG and NAG him to do so. Also remember ALL that time last year when FH NEVER paid you?? Then all of a sudden now your getting a check EVERY WEEK, wow! how did that happen, by magic? Are the little elves and dwarfs in your land of F*cked up ever after magically sh*t them out? NOPE its ME I write those checks for YOU every week, (Hence the signature at the bottom if you have ever once looked at that) Remember that nasty e-mail you sent to me over myspace of all things saying that I dont take responsibilty enough for YOUR child?? Hmm let me think how many time I had to LEAVE work to pick up YOUR CHILD?? How many times I brought YOUR child with me to work while you were just AT HOME?? All because you seem to think that when it's FH weekend to have him, even if he isnt going to be on the mainland HE needs to figure out what to do with his son?? What is wrong with keeping him for the weekend, when you know both of us are going to be working?

I would tell her that she should finish raising her daughter since she did it until 15 and then just quit on her. The kid is identical to her mother because that's the only woman and way she's known and now she just dumps her on a stranger to raise so she can have fun and laugh at all of us...yes, including her own kid. The most input we get is 'you should get her on the pill' and 'there's nothin wrong with her sending semi nude pictures to perfect strangers she met on the internet...that's what kids do'...ugh. If she wants the kid to be like her, she should just finish the job she started that's all. It isn't fair to the kid to have all the rules changed on her at the last minute and all at once and expect her to go along and like it. I'd also tell her that someone who has known the kid two years can't possibly be responsible for the person the child is, the character of the person. That's something that happens over a lifetime, not as a result of actual parenting. Not that she would care to listen to any of it of course...and she'd probably be drunk and belligerent calling all of us names and laughing with her boyfriend while leaving nasty messages on our answering machine...ya that's about it I think.