I just started this blog and am new with this. But I think this will be much needed for me. I am a SM of an 8 year old boy and 7 year old boy. Have been for a bit over 3 years. And I;m not married yet to the BF. We have been engaged for 2 years 10 months. When him and his boys moved in with me, they didn't see their BM. In fact they were calling her by her first name. In last 6 months we found out the BM boyfriend had punched one of the boys and they have on several occessions seen him pysically abuse her in front of them. Her boyfriend/fiance has been taken to jail and there are pending felony assault charges for this. She still plans on marrying this guy and has said on numerous occassions the BF and myself have made the boys (7 and 8 ) say what they are saying and it's not true. They have supervised visits with her on the 1st and 3rd Sundays of everymonth for 3 hours. One of the last visits something happened to where our 8 year old has mentally shut down and won't talk with anyone (including his counselor). We're not exactly sure what was said, but we do know that he was told by BM not to talk about any of what is going on. This is hard enough for them right now because of the pending felony case against her boyfriend, the boys can not talk about what is happeneing. But our 8 year old has shut down and has become an emotional wreck. My heart breaks for him and his brother. Knowing that there's not much we can do but try and reassure them we will be there for them.

What BF and I are trying to figure out is if we should request with courts that visits stop all together. At least until the boys can get to a mental state of mind to be able to handle visits with her. I feel like we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. But are the visits more harmful then good right now?