Previously, after much heartache and confusion, I made the decision to disengage. It lasted about 2 weeks.

My concern for SS has prevented me from completely disengaging. I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place and at the moment, it all seems so hopeless.

I felt really great about making the decision to disengage & FH understood & took on more responsibility for SS. It was wonderful until....

BM screwed everything up. BM has a very rocky life. Since SS was born she has married 3 men (none of which were FH). She has 2 kids (My SS and a kid by husband #2) & is pregnant by husband #3... BM is 25 yrs old. When BM was married to husband #2, she insisted that SS call him "daddy". FH let go of his pride & consented. So after BM divorces husband #2 SS is completely confused! He says things to me like "When so-and-so was my daddy we used to go to the park" or "He was once my daddy but he's not anymore" BM forces a relationship between SS and husband #2 then just rips them apart. About a month after BM's divorce is final, SS starts referring to another man as BM's boyfriend. 3 months after that BM & husband #3 are married. Great.

This will come as no surprise.... BM now has SS calling husband #3 his daddy. During this whole transition period SS says things like "Daddy so-and-so wait... no he's not my daddy anymore... I mean when he was my daddy we would go to the big park. But now my new daddy, he takes me to the little park... Will you ask my real daddy if we can go there too?"

Now you're gasping out loud right?! What normal sane person thinks its ok to confuse a child like this?!?!

So things start settling down and husband #3 seems like a decent guy. We hear through SS that BM is pregnant. She has very high risk pregnancies and needs bed rest. SS begins to spend more time with us. At first I really enjoy this, but as you can see by my posts in the beginning and end of October, things get difficult. SS's behavior is getting out of control and my ideas of parenting don't quite match up with FH's (and obviously not BM's).

I adopt the attitude of "Not my kid, not my problem". SS is not my kid therefore I have no right to butt into FH's parenting methods. Our children will be raised differently.

I proceed to disengage and become stopped dead in my tracks when SS announces that "New daddy has moved out bc him and mommy don't get along anymore." OMG. Really woman?!?! BM is pregnant with husband #3's baby & is in the process of divorcing him.

FH and I try to explain to SS the difference between step daddys and daddys. We tell SS that FH will always be his daddy no matter what. SS is still confused and when we read a bible story last night about Adam and Eve and how we all came from a mommy and a daddy (well at least we all came from the parts of a mommy and daddy):

SS says: "Where did I come from?"

Me: "You came from your mommy and your real daddy."

SS: -Looking confused- "But ummmm, I think that I came from so-and-so daddy too."

I explain to him that this is not the case and my heart just breaks for him. The look on his face just says it all. Again, like the previous divorce, these past weeks have been riddled with statements like "We used to go over to Papa Tom and Mamaw's house (husband #3's parents) but we don't go there any more bc he's not my daddy. I left my Nintendo DS over there but we can't go back and get it. Mommy says they may have thrown it away."

So BM again forces a relationship with her husband (and obviously her husband's parents too!) and then just tears them apart at whim. She has initiated the last 2 divorces.

SS is 6 years old. In SS's short life:

- he was kidnapped when he was an infant (BM was cheating on FH when she got pregnant. She liked the other guy better and married him instead of FH. Husband #1 believed the baby was his and when the test proved differently he freaked)

- he has had 2 step-daddys that he was very close to just disappear

- BM's mom used to watch SS until BM put a restraining order on her bc BM found out she has mental problems which make it dangerous for her to be around SS. Who knows how she treated SS before BM found out

- FH was in a serious relationship in which he moved in with a woman & her son. These people disappeared after 9 months as well.

- FH's brother, wife & child used to live with us. After a falling out they have moved out & SS has only seen them periodically.

People keep appearing & disappearing out of SS's life. He cries, whines and acts up a whole lot more now than he used to. FH has taken notice of this but instead of responding by spending more time with him or by trying to talk to SS about it or even by changing his method of discipline, FH just acts the same.

I am very firm with SS. I expect him to listen and obey me. When he acts up, I discipline him and try to explain to him what he's doing wrong and why its wrong. I listen to what he says. I spend time reading to him, playing games and doing activities with him.
I try to provide as much structure as I can when he is with me.

I try... very very hard bc I feel like I'm the only person who will do things the right way. I feel, and maybe this is wrong, that I know what's best for SS and that if I don't do it no one else will. And I wish... God I wish sooo soooo much.... that I could just let it go. I want more than anything to get so angry and so fustrated that I could just walk away from the situation and say "Not my kid, not my problem." But every time I think about SS, my heart breaks.

I feel as tho, I have no right to say to FH "You should be doing this or you should be doing that" bc SS is not my child.

So here I sit. I want to disengage. I know that disengaging would be the best thing for me but I can't help feeling that I'm turning my back on SS. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I'm just stuck.

My tongue is bloody...from biting it so much. I just want to scream!!!!