"So he wants us to become more friendly with BM so we can visit with SD during the holidays at her mom's house, and participate in family things like that."

I'd tell him, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, ease up their partner". LOL... You can be civil, you can truly co-parent if the other parent is not a certifiable nutjob, but there still needs to be BOUNDARIES. You have your family and BM has hers, same goes with holidays etc. Now I can see a graduation party being held in one of the parents' homes, with the other parent in attendance, because that's a major milestone but the rest? I don't think so. I think for everyone's sanity and mental health, what he's proposing, though well intentioned, isn't something I'd go for.

My jaw just dropped straight to the keyboard. WOW! Those are some lofty ambitions. I would probably have thrown up on my DH if he told me such things, not only because we would be SO uncomfortable in the situation, but because...they (BM and her family) all hate our guts for whatever their reasons are. I can only imagine the snide comments and dirty looks.

Has BM given any indication that this would ever be something in the realm of possiblity?

I dont care how you weigh it, that would be a "Hell No" at our house. Weather with my kids BM or the steps with their BD. We will never let the holidays mix. School things and big events in the kids lives like sports, weddings and such, thats a different story. And when they grow up we won't mind visiting their homes with the ex's in attendance.

But having my ex or my wifes ex in our home for the holidays is a no-way.

I have a real gripe with all these men pandering to their ex-wives. It is a disrespect to their new and loving dear wife, whoever you may be. You ladies need to make them realise YOU are their wife and must ALWAYS come first.

Good luck to you all and have a happy valentines day.

"Love is harmony and harmony is the vibration of the music that binds the universe."

i would have packed dh a suit case got him in the car and driven him straight to rehab....because if he ever told me this surly hed be on drugs! lol, but seriously.

i can see where getting along is good for kids...when its not forced or fake, but spending holidays together, i have NEVER herd of that. my mom and SF were always friends with my dad, but never did we do this, and if we had it would have been just WEIRD to say the least. There is absolutely no reason for you and bd to spend the holidays with bm and family.....i can see dropping by saying hello and maybe handing one gift to sd, watch her open it and then leave...but even that is a far stretch, i would say dh could do that alone if you didn't mind. I would just scale back what you do give her when you see her. dh and i have ss every other year on his actual bday, and then we either have him the weekend before or after..because we have 50/50. we decided that we would only do something besides going out for pizza every other year, and only big bdays..like 5, will be big paties with a jumper etc. this way ss doesnt think we are going to give him the moon and stars ever time.

im not sure what custody you guys have...but besides bday and xmas, what other holidays are you giving gifts for? why is it everytime she is getting something, i would think its ony twice a year, or three times if you give ester stuff.

to me it seems that dh needs to be content with celebrating with you and your family unit at your home, and be happy for the times that sd is there to share it with you, not try to over compensate...if sd thinks she can get dh to spend holidays with bm, what else would she think she could pull?

I'm sorry but the entire world does not and should not revolve around SD. these things need to be family centered and not child centered. I personally think it would be REALLY confusing for her to have both sets of parents together for all holidays. I think things need to be seperate but controlled. If each house works together say, on Christmas, & they come up with a list of things to give and split it right down the middle, that would cut down on a lot of the spoilage instead of having 2 full crazy Christmases at each house.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Ask DH if he'd like to spend the holidays with your ex boyfriend. You guys can talk about old times, look at old snapshots, hang out with his parents... hey, remember that time behind the bike sheds?!?!

Bottomline is it takes EVERYONE(not yelling) to be comfortable in order to make the co-parenting thing happen especially blended holidays.

My XH's family combines all the exes, second spouses, and skids together. Mind you their all grown ups except for the grandkids. It works for them.

I'd prefer the co-parenting concept to branch into other categories of my life like raising (s)kids; the mindset of really appreciating what we all do for each other in doing so.