THE PROBLEM IS MY RACE?
My BM and DH have been fighting over SD for almost 3 years. BM pretty much had SD to get DHs money forever. She left him when she was pregnant, he asked her to come back to they could raise their family together and she flat out said no. She called his CO and his job made him pay her. She wouldn't let him at the hospital when she was born, when he was home from Iraq on leave she wouldn't let him see her (even tho he could have died when he went back), she always says SD is sick. When I met her I was nice, I made sure SD got bday and xmas gifts when he was deployed, the time we did have SD, i made sure she was taken care of properly.
Now that Im married to DH, she doesn't want me to raise her daughter. She's convinced that since im originally from Dallas, Texas that I'm white trash and she doesn't want her child raised that way. She thinks its irresponsible of DH to marry me (since she thinks im at the bottom of the food chain). Our different races, became a pretty big problem. Now that I'm expect our first child together, she tells him she doesn't want SD raised my a whore and always asks him why he's wasting all his time and money on a child thats not his (our baby on the way). We don't ignore SD, he calls her every day and is in the middle of a child support case, he is tryna get more visitation.
It has gotten so bad that BM calls alot, telling my DH that SD is sick, or she needs shoes and clothes (she gets plenty of money from us at the moment). He provides SD with healthcare but BM doesn't want to use the in network DRs and calls us to pay medical bills. I have decorated my nursery and DHs dad told BM and she is just going crazy. I have never been bitchy to her, i call her to make sure SD is ok, but yet she still complains about my race, and how she doesn't want SD raised by a white person. I have morals and had a proper bring up, im successfull and have been through college. How do I get her to see past my race and be serious that I have no issue with SD, I love her and am glad to be her SM. I want to teach her things when she is with us and BM just refuses to let us see her. SD is only 2 and she will grow up with me around so it shouldn't be an issue.
Do I confront her about this issue? Or ignore it? I'm not tryna be a pain in the ass to her just cuz she is to me. But she's using SD as a source of revenge...
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What is her race? ~*~When
What is her race?
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
And by the way, no matter
And by the way, no matter what her race is, that is just an excuse. She can see no other reason to not like you and has to cling onto something you can't control. If she is black, I unfortunately know many a black woman (I am black, well mixed!) that have said hurtful things like "I don't want that white bitch around my baby!" or "What can she teach my child about his culture?!"
She is just being ridiculous and it has nothing to do with race, if you were black she wouldn't like you because you shop at WalMart, or something equally stupid. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about this, and her actions already show how irrational this woman is.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
*like* Someone else on this
*like*
Someone else on this site has the signature "You can't change crazy" I think it fits here quiet well!
If she is black, I unfortunately know many a black woman (I am black, well mixed!) that have said hurtful things like "I don't want that white bitch around my baby!" or "What can she teach my child about his culture?!"
This is said for EVERY RACE! I have heard it from Native Americans, East Indians, and Asians as well. It can even get as rediculous as a "mainlander" (anyone not from the east coast of canada) not wanting their child raised by a "Newfie" (Newfoundlander) because all they know is fish.... seriously? WTF? ohhh people...
LOL, you are probably right
LOL, you are probably right about it being all races, it just so happens that since I am black, I have heard some of my crazy friends say it... It's just stupid though, no matter what race it comes from.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
I'm Newfie (English, Irish,
I'm Newfie (English, Irish, French (oooh I forgot the french... THEY can be sooo bad) and alittle Native) all brewed together on the Rock, as Newfoundland is called. I'm also a military brat, so I have alot of very strong alligences to things that in the end mean nothing lol. And OMG some people can run their mouths about things they have no IDEA about.
My SIL has a bi-racail little boy (he is THE handsomest little man I have EVER met!!) His father is African. However people have sooo many ideas of what this should "mean". lol SIL met this guy in China, for one. But people assume soooo much. They get all confused... "You met him in China?" *bewildered look* Ummm yea... if a Canadian can travel why can't an African? God... people are SOOO DUMB! I bet you can meet a Chinese person in Africa too!!! Grr people... wake up and see the new World Community.
Im excited to have a
Im excited to have a biracial baby! As a white woman i know how much it sucks when i dont have a tan and my child wont have that problem. Mixed babies are cute. I know about the military thing too. I happen to be pretty German so BM brings the holocaust up to try to insult me. lol...dumb. I wasn't even born then. Just like i wasn't born during slavery either but she tries to insult me with the past. My DH is not my slave, he is a soldier. I am proudly married to him.
Awww "My DH is not my slave,
Awww
"My DH is not my slave, he is a soldier. I am proudly married to him."
Warm fuzzies... thats cute!!!
People either assume or are
People either assume or are just DYING for an explanation. I'm black for all intents and purposes. I didn't grow up in the U.S., didn't move here till I was 16. I had SO many people, other black people included, ask me several times what race I was. Kinda rude if you ask me because some of these people were strangers eg. a lady working at a sandwich shop taking my order. My daughter is bi-racial, my fiance is white and his son couldn't be any more white - blond, blue eyes. You should see the looks we get when we all go out! LOL.
Oh trust me I know the
Oh trust me I know the looks! They are something else! The blatant rude questions. Its really quite sad.
Actually Im white, she's
Actually Im white, she's black. I'm very knowledgeable about the black culture. If I didnt understand it, I dont think I'd date and marry a black man. Besides DH is black, he isn't gonna let his daughter forget and either will I. And I did buy SD some clothes at target for cmas cuz I'm not buying her dolce and gabana. She is still growing and its such a waste of money. And I bought her some AF1s they were cute and glow in the dark. I wear AF1s they happen to be the best shoes i ever worn. And she told DH that Nikes are ghetto. So DH bought SD another pair of shoes and BM didn't even give back the AF1s. I'm here to stay, she needs to realize that I'm not tryna turn her child white. But I will teach her what I know and DH can add to it as he feels she needs to know other things.
She doesn't like that white people are "outdoorsy" lol. she is tryna make her daughter famous. So she doesn't want her to go outside and run around cuz she can scratch her face. Almost every holiday DH and I get her a power wheel or a bike or something to get her outside and they are still in the boxes. When we has SD for one day, we took pictures of her running outside and playing and BM chewed my ass out cuz she could have fell and got hurt. She is completely ridiculous.
Thats just all BS. Your
Thats just all BS. Your race isnt the issue here. Its her stupidity. She should be happy that another woman(of any race) is doing her best to take care of her child. Just plain ignorant.
Life is what you make it.
Okay the more I read this it
Okay the more I read this it just makes me mad. Black culture? WTH? What are you not gonna do to teach the child that the mom can do? Its just so silly! Are you going to take the child to the Black History Museum? Feed them some fried chicken? UGH! Seriously. I guess it bothers me cause Im kinda in a similar situation. SDs are balck/white. BM is white Dumbo is black. But really what difference does it make that Im black and she's white? Are the girls going to miss out on something? Should I take them to a "white place" so they wont lose their whiteness? Is my black going to rub off on them and make them darker brown?
Life is what you make it.
Is my black going to rub off
Is my black going to rub off on them and make them darker brown?
Ohhh if this works let me know!!! I hate my pastey irish skin!!
I love my SD. She such an
I love my SD. She such an adorable 2 year old. I dont even make fried chicked for my DH or go to the black history museum with him. I know about the history. She's 2 and prolly doesn't care. I don't know all about white history either. If my kids ask, Ill tell them what I know and then they can go look it up if they want more info. Same with SD. Im not just teaching the kids a race. How the hell am I gonna do that? There's poor lazy ass white folks as well as classy successful black folks and visa versa. All different personalities. She thinks Im a turn SD country (im from TX originally). Yea... I listen to country music but I also like me some slow jams depending on my mood. I don't think she'd rather her child grow up in the ghetto with nightly drive bys.
The chicken and museum part
The chicken and museum part was a joke.
Im from Texas and I happen to like country music. I like sitting in my back yard watching the cows on the field behind my house. I find it quite relaxing.
Life is what you make it.
Oh God, whatever. She is
Oh God, whatever. She is just ridiculous. You don't need to teach her about her "culture," BM and DH can do that on their own. All you have to do is treat the girl with respect and be nice to her if she is nice to you.
BM is full of shit, and I am black AND outdoorsy so now what?! (it's a running joke with DH and I that I am whiter than he is, lol).
And why are you guys not going to court for appropriate visitation? Then she doesn't have control over shit...
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
DH was deployed, granting BM
DH was deployed, granting BM with full custody. Now that he is home, we have to go thru court again, cuz BM doesn't agree with what DH asked for. BM tryna prove DH is crazy from war now. She just money hungry...
.... People can be very
.... People can be very vindictive. She proably has no problem with you, just the idea of you. Take some deep breaths and let Dh handle this. There is nothing you can do about it.
Look, she would find
Look, she would find something to complain about if you were the same race that she is. She is clearly insane. By the way, you're DH is also being influenced by her crap because of his refusal to be in the delivery room with you when you have the baby.
Stop participating. You shouldn't be communicating with this woman. SD is between DH and BM and you need to disengage. If she has a problem with your race and is using that as a reason that she doesn't want DH to have more visitation bring it up in court, don't confront her directly.
*like* Document it all!!
*like*
Document it all!!
I print all her texts to DH,
I print all her texts to DH, we got copies of SDs medical records to show she's taking her to the DR for no reason. DH did stick up for me when she mentioned me being white trash. He doesn't want to take SD away from her mom and either do I. But with the way she uses her as revenge makes it seem the SD needs to be with us for a lil while. I'm not tryna be her mom, I'm tryna help her grow up right at her dads house. DH tells me every day she calls that he knew he should have never married her. He was young and going to the military and wanted to take her with him. They had problems, he deployed during the problems, she wanted a child as soon as he got back so he thought that would mend the relationship, but she completely left during the relationship (she likes pity on her). He divorced her, she denies him access but also tells him that if he was as involved with SD as he is with our expecting child, then their marriage would have lasted. Now that I'm here and married to him i guess she sees me as a threat, she always calls my phone cuz DH will be at work and cant answer too much. She tells DH its because Im white he married me. White people = success she said. But when I met him, he was working and I was not. Now i'm a nurse. She should just be glad he found someone willing to care for her child and that I help DH make plenty of money to take care of SD and our child together.
Like the others have already
Like the others have already said, its nothing about your race. Its her stupidity. I get those dumb comments all the time and Dumbo says some ugly things sometimes "I'm not your poor little white granny who you beat up" but I think it's all BS. You've got pieces of crap in every race, creed, area and so forth. Keep your head up and dont let her get the best of you!!
Life is what you make it.