tball, what do dh and i do?
we found out that the league she signed him up for, there is no way of knowing what days things end up on....so even though she signed him up with out discussing it with dh, she didnt on purpose plan on excluding dh from being a part of tball.....however, since it seemed it was that way, dh felt that ss should be put in a different one which didnt exclude him, as he would have done for her. dh said that ss would not be going on our days, period and bm kept calling and saying stuff to guilt dh in to letting ss go, and this morning ss informed us that bm's bf was taking him to practice, you could see dh's heart break thinking some one else was doing this with ss, dh is a huge sports guy.
so dh talks to bm, tells her that he will see he in court if she proceeds with taking ss to bball, because their court order states that ALL matters concerning ss require joint consent. she blows him off, says fine dont take him on your days, etc. so i call and threaten little league, saying that they are going against a court order by allowing ss to play because dh as not approved and ss technically isnt old enough, and they are setting them selves up for being liable..etc...they didnt care, doesnt concern them, i get to the bottom of it.
turns out bm wasnt being super rude to dh today, she was trying to reach a middle ground. but bm was lying about the schedule, most of the week games are on dh's day off, so in the end, dh and i would be taking him to 11 games, and bm would only be schedulaed 9, but 3 of those she would not actually be there because its on a day she works late so most likely bf would be taking him. and her bf would be taking ss to all practices on wednesdays.....dh doesnt care about that.
so actually its exactly what we wanted, all practices and games are scheduled so that we will never be there at the same time as bm. and dh and i will actually be there more than bm, so even though shes a bitch about everything, it seems she didnt do this to make her the priority. and ss doesnt really like bf, soooooooooooooooooo, weve got exactly what we want, except that the whole principle of telling bm not to go behind dh's back and do these things is down the drain if we end up allowing ss to participate on our days, but in the big picture we get what we want, and supposedly bm says that she wont do this any more and apologized to dh...what should we do?
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Ok, so you guys got what you
Ok, so you guys got what you wanted... and BM is aware that the argument was that DH wouldn't be able to be involved, so he would not be going on your days...I say let it be. Let SS play, let DH have his boy play baseball. I think if you were to pull him out now just to dig your heals in, it would be depriving SS of exactly what everyone wants for him in the first place. BM may NEVER get the "principle" of any of the things that go on. Especially if she is as much like BM in my situation as she seems to be. It is only what is good for HER, which in this case happens to work out for SS as well... without screwing up your time with SS. GO FOR IT!! PLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAYYYY BALLLLLL!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Good advice. That is truly
Good advice. That is truly putting the kids need first. Plus it would all come back to Dad and then SS would just resent him.
*like* Yay for finding out
*like*
Yay for finding out you're getting what you want!!
This just happened to FH and
This just happened to FH and me with SS's basketball this winter. BM had been talking about it to SS all fall, in from of FH to other adults, even, but NEVER mentioning it to him/us. The practice is on one of her nights each week with him, but b/c he is EOW in each house, the games structure our lives every weekend he is with us. OH, and she chose a league in which the games switch times and days and how many there are each weekend.
FH confronted her about it-- brought up respect and transparency. She turned it into "how could you tell him 'no,' he wants to do it?" FH remained strong and stayed with the issues. He didn't tell his son "no," but did tell BM that in the future he might have to. For me, it also boils down to a larger issue, that no matter what, SS is the primary interest, period. Not how decisions about him affect larger families, nothing.
BM also just went behind FH's back and in choosing the middle schools shew wants to get him assigned to next year switched the #1 choice they had agreed upon and chose a school that will require tremendous tremendous work to get him there/picked up (there is no bussing where I live and this school is across town- about 40 minutes with traffic). I told FH it wasn't acceptable b/c it affected not only him driving SS- but our larger household.
FH is very defensive about anything related to SS and still sometimes doesn't quite "get" that life can't always be about just what is best for SS, period, without understanding it in the context of our family life. I am hoping that the more he sees BM's acting in this kind of manipulative way and it adversely effects him that way, that he'll see how he does it too.
I say, stay strong with your DH. You are lucky if the two of you are so united. I am hoping that with continued work FH and I will learn to be too.
SMNikki - I think I would
SMNikki - I think I would let this one go. Normally, I would say you owe that person an apology. But since BM has done so many things, and saw how it all worked out, and has promised to always consult DH again, then I would let it go.
You got what you wanted... AND BM learned a lesson to always consult DH first. If she had done that, none of the other crap that followed would have happened.
Having said that though, it sounds like you and DH jumped the gun on BM a little bit. You are so used to her screwing you over, you didn't look at the real parameters of what she was saying. That is understandable, considering all she has done to you.
Just let it go, and be happy that it all worked out okay!!
A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
if dh would have been give
if dh would have been give the info then he would not have had to jump on bm for doing this.....we have caught her in several lies about this, and its all just very fishy why she was lying about his team name and schedule. She was in fact trying to screw us over, and because shes so incredibly stupid she didnt think we could do our home work and find out the truth....she thought she could control EVERYTHING (not yelling
that she could get away with dh not going to any games, because her bf would take him wed and thurs, and dh wouldnt be able to go saturday.
i agree we need to let it go, in the end we are getting exactly what we want...but just recently she did something similar and she said "oh sorry it wont happen, then oops she did it again" she keeps doing things like this is the problem
I can imagine how
I can imagine how frustrating this is. But again... she is one of "those" that will never ever change. She should have consulted DH first, legally, and out of just plain respect. But really, what else can you do other than say "please don't do this again"... and she will. Whether you let him play or not, she will do it again, and again... it sucks, I know.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
I was sort of wondering
I was sort of wondering about this when I saw your first post because my daughter has played tball for the past two years.
There's no way to know which team your child is going to be placed on when you sign up. The reason is, if everyone could pick a specific coach and specific days and times there's no way they could accommodate every request. Coaches can only have so many kids on a team and there are a limited number of fields to practice on so practice days and times have to be rotated amongst the teams fairly. Plus the league has to take into account the Coaches' schedule and when they can actually be there for practices as well.
Same thing goes for games. Only so many fields so game days and times have to rotate to accommodate everyone.
You and your DH are going to find more and more as your SS gets older that this is the case. Because both my girls play soccer and we have the same issue. My older daughter plays basketball and there is the same issue. You'll almost never know going in when the practices and games are going to be so you'll need to find a way to be more flexible about this with the BM. The BM will never be able to provide this information up front when SS wants to sign up for one of these activities.
i understand this now, but
i understand this now, but the main problem is that she never discussed even the idea of signing him up. last year he played city league, and they did have set days, so our problem was that originally she wasnt even telling us where she had signed him up.
i understand working together in this situation with teams that you dont know, for us the only problem is that bm feels free to just sign him up for what ever she feels like, we have 50/50, its not like dh is a every other weekend dad, she needs to discuss schedule things with him, whether she likes it or not. in my opinion it should be dh signing him up anyways, hes the father, who is very involved, ss and him always do sports together, she is the one always talking about boundaries, and i think its about time dh start showing her just how nasty things will be if she doesnt knock it off.
dh is signing him up for karate though on our night when bm will in no way be able to participate....we shall she how she likes her own medicine
Yeah. I agree she should
Yeah. I agree she should have talked to DH about first whether she knew the schedule or not. Then you wouldn't have had the misunderstanding about the days/times issue.
Double post... sorry
Double post... sorry
-------------->dh is signing
-------------->dh is signing him up for karate though on our night when bm will in no way be able to participate....we shall she how she likes her own medicine
And that is about all you can do about it... you can only control YOU my Dear Nikki, does SS even want to play tball? Or is all of this just BM playing power struggle with you guys?? BM does this all of the time with us. Example: BM "teaches" an after school program on Fridays at SS's school. She wants him to go to ALL of the classes, even the ones she doesn't teach... but since she signed him up without our concent DH said NO. He can go to the ones SHE is teaching ONLY if we don't have something else planned that afternoon. So, Monday when we picked him up, she says "SS REALLY wants to go to my class on Friday we are disecting a shark" SS turned around and said "ewe, that's gross, I don't want to see that... Dad, do I HAVE to go???"
Really??? SS REALLY WANTS to go, or you just REALLY want to have him for an HOUR on OUR day??!!!??? Ugh, these women. SS will not be going this Friday
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
power struggle. ss doesnt
power struggle. ss doesnt give a rats ass about bball unless dh is there. or bm has pas'd he in to thinking he wants to go. ss really only likes golf which he does with dh once a week usually....
While that doesn't surprise
While that doesn't surprise me... at all. I would talk to SS about it. See what he wants to do. DH will be there most of the time, so he may WANT to do it. I hate that BM's are like this sometimes. It sometimes leaves us with no choice but to deprive the kids to make a point. BUT, is it worth it? She's not gonna change.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~