Step-cousins?
Ok so my SIL is going to be in town for her SS's first birthday. Its the weekend of April 1st.... Easter.
We have my Sd that weekend so I have already gone out and made some pretty good plans with the Easter Bunny (and my parents for easter dinner). Now DH tells me that SIL thinks SD SHOULD be at this birthday party because this is her cousin now!
To clarify, SIL has been dating this guy for about 8 months. They only see his son about once a month. They do not live in the same town as us, but the BM of my Step-nephew does. So they are going to be in our town for this bday party.
Dh told her he'd do what he can. There was a mix up in communication. She said April 1st was a sunday, however it is a thursday. So I have to assume that she means either Easter Weekend or May 1st (which is a Sunday, but also the same day as my Annual Cerimonial Reveiw, which I know my SD would be SUPER stoked to go to)
How do I tell Dh that OUR family plans are more important? I'm trying to build holiday traditions and a decent relationship with SD where she sees what a bit a determination can do for a person. She loves Cadets and all things cadet related. I love sharing it with her. (And OMG it is SOOOOO cute when she sings O Canada!)
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"Now DH tells me that SIL
"Now DH tells me that SIL thinks SD SHOULD be at this birthday party because this is her cousin now! "
Yeah, and she should be at your cerimonial review because you're her stepmother. Good grief.
I think it would be best if you approach the conversation from the standpoint that it's something you'd really like to share with her, she would be excited to go and it's a chance to teach her something about Canada. Feel free to get all mushy gushy about how cute she is too
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Yeah, and she should be at
Yeah, and she should be at your cerimonial review because you're her stepmother. Good grief.
Hahaha I don't count as family! These people are totally child-centric to a fault. EVERYTHING is supposed to be about the kid. We went to the next town over to visit FIL and his girlfriend one time, and there was a HUGE issue because we took Sd to look at rings with us for 30mins. We were picking my engagement ring (I thought it was SUPER cool that we got the chance to do it as a family). I got reamed out big time by my FILs girlfriend because that day was "supposed to be about SD, NOT YOU"
......
We drove two hours to get to this place so FIL could see her. I don't think she would have chosen to drive that long to see him if it was really about her. She probably would have wanted him to come to our house, which he has NEVER seen.
No more comments? I expected
No more comments? I expected from a group of Step-moms more people would have something to say about labels, and timings, and what should come first in priority for a stepfamily.
Well, you know what I think
Well, you know what I think
But I do agree it's an important process in becoming a "real family" to do holidays and build lasting traditions together. You have earned that, as a stepmom, and an OFFICIAL stepmom. This kid, as of now, is really no relation to SD. I could see if it had been a few years, but after less thana year, I believe it is definitely more important the SD spends Easter with you and your DH as a family thing.
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
((hugs)) I really thought
((hugs))
I really thought more people would have something to say about this. Thanks for the comments, and I totally agree!
I have fought my wars as a step-mom and I deserve to have my FAMILY with me for family things like holidays, and my ACR, which is an indoor parade of cadets (SD will freak! She hasn't been to a real one because last year we didn't have enough cadets)
When she has a ring on her finger, then I will consider the kid a future step-whatever. But considering the kid was only 3-4 months old when her and her boyfriend made it offical (I think they we actually having an affair, they we sleeping together while his ex was preggo... but I don't know the whole story) I'm not sure what his intentions are.
in the end it's your, DH and
in the end it's your, DH and partly SD's decision. (our kids would always pick to go play with a baby so maybe leave SD's vote out lol) it sounds somewhat spur of the moment and you've already had plans for your family. in-laws can be the major pits can't they.
Thank you for your
Thank you for your opinion.
I haven't figured out the dates because I don't talk to SIL.
As for my Cadet thing, this little girl used to throw a tantrum at the door everytime I went to cadets and had to leave her home because it wasn't a family event. I think she would love it, and the cadets totally love her!
I did chose some crappy words for that "more important" statement but I can't figure out how to say it differently. A good friend said that this kid is only turning One year old and he is not going to remember, if he does stay in her life. Maybe next year with more planning we could work something out.
I agree with your
I agree with your friend.
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.