BF wants to give up rights to SDs baby
Talked to the SD-17's ex BF today. He says he never wanted the baby. She lied to him saying she was on birth control and got pregnant on purpose. He wants out.
He says he will sign over his rights to the baby. ASAP.
He also says he wants nothing to do with SD. She follows him. Shows up at his house. Calls and texts him all the time. She gives him money to make him happy.
She was only his gf for one month before he broke up with her and went back to his other gf. That was almost a year ago. SD is obsessed with this boy. Heaven knows why - he is a loser. 19- not working and not going to school. Lives off the money girls will give him. He calls wanting something - she runs to do it.
SD cries and says she can't live without him and his love. We suggested a counselor - SD refuses. She is putting what the boy wants before the needs of her child. She is stilling willing to have unprotected sex with him - knowing he is having sex with two other girls.
We can't get it in her head that this is not going to end as a fairy tale.
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Comments
Therapy? What a shitty
Therapy?
What a shitty situation. This girl needs some help, and you're probably not qualified to give it to her. She's got a long hard road ahead of her and it looks like she's going to be doing it mostly alone.
She is 17. Call one of
She is 17. Call one of those forced bootcamp in the woods intervention schools and put her ass in a rustic cabin until her 18th Bday.
If BioBoyFriend will sign to give the kid up for adoption you may be able to rescue her from herself.
Good luck.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
WOW! That is so tough! I
WOW! That is so tough! I would suggest pregnancy counseling. In our area they have centers that offer counseling to pregnant teens for little or no cost. They may be able to help her prepare for this child (whether she give it up for adoption or decide to raise it) and refer her on to someone who can help with her mental health if that is needed. Good luck.
She won't be alone. Her dad
She won't be alone. Her dad and I are going to get her on her feet. Get her whats she needs to take care of herself and this baby. How we do that? Good questions. But somehow it will be done.
You should all watch 16 &
You should all watch 16 & PREGNANT on MTV on Sunday nights. Very eye opening. Your SD may see how pathetic she is being over the idiot BioDad if she sees other teen Moms being idiots over the same issues.
I watch it because I think it gives me some perspective on what my Wife went through (she was 16 when our Son (my SS) was born) and why she has some of the perspectives she has. She was head over heels with my SS's BioDad until he repeatedly cheated on her with several 16yos and ultimately abandonded her and SS (then 10mos old) in a rat nasty travel trailer out in the middle of nowhere.
She woke up, finished HS with her class and graduated with both a BS and an MBA with honors and is now a CPA. The funniest thing is that her HS has the tradition of pouring a section of sidewalk each year and letting the seniors sign their names and put messages in the concrete. She wrote "(BioMom) & (BioDad) 4 EVER". About 10yrs later she asked her brothers to fix the sidewalk. They cut out everthign but her name during a midnight run to the HS.
Even things written in concrete can be corrected. There is no reason why your SD cannot wake up and make a good life for herself and her child.
Keep up the touch love and you will force her to pull her head out of her ass and wake up. Some kids take fore ever but eventually nearly all will figure it out.
I know it took me an extra decade or so.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
I agree with Rags. That MTV
I agree with Rags. That MTV show is very enlightening for teens or young adults on the brink of parenthood.
I didn't mean alone alone
I didn't mean alone alone lol. Bm is living with her parents right now and I'm really sure she feels completely alone even though she is being supported. She has to see me, living in the same town with a beautiful Canadian Diamond on my finger and swelling with a planned baby.
I just ment without a partner.
I hope your sd can figure it all out. I have seen some pretty irresponsible little girls grow up really quick when the baby actually comes.
Im sorry that is a sad
Im sorry that is a sad situation, she is very lucky that SD has you in her corner.
The BF can say whatever he like about SD, their are always 2 sides to every story. Im sure that he is more then willing to give up all his right to this baby, but the reality is that he is the father and CS is his responsibility.
Young love and obsession is a hard thing to break plus she is carrying the baby. Im sure she is going to need counseling so that she can go on with her life, without this guy.
My kids are teenager, and I would be so brokenhearted if they were in this situation.
Your an awesome SM nkbrown!!!
I didn't think it was that
I didn't think it was that easy to just sign away your rights to the child unless someone else is willing to adopt said child. New, exBF may choose not to be a part of that child's life but he may still be required to provide financial support for the child.
He had better quit using her for his convenience. And get a job...he's gonna need it.
He IS still required to pay
He IS still required to pay support unless someone else adopts the child. The state doesn't want the child to become a welfare burden so they hold the people who are linked to a child by DNA they require those people to support said child regardless of whether they have given up their rights or not.
I think I know how this
I think I know how this story will go in about 17 years because I'm living it. My BM pulled the same stunt to trap my BF nearly 17 years ago. I'm not sure why the traping with a kid equals happily ever after because that is not how it works in real life! BM would not let the baby be put up for adoption even though neither party was ready to be a parent. Mooched off her parents and everyone else. Would not take responsibility for her actions. Made BF's life hell and has in turn completed messed up SD 16.5. BF has paid CS since the beginging, but BM has always used SD as a barganing chip. It is always about manipulation. And now SD is a manipulator because she learned it from a pro. SD is flunking school and not on a really great path.
I have thought MANY, MANY times that SD might have had a shot at turning out alright if BM had done the right thing and let her go to a family that was ready for children. there are so many couples out there wanting to adopt and perfectly ready to support a child in a positive environment. It is a very selfish thing to keep the kid thinking it will keep the ex BF in her life. He will never forgive this. My BF never has.
This ex BF doesn't sound like a great guy, but my heart goes out to him. I know my BF was, and in some ways still is, scarred by the "trap" pulled on him. Your SD needs serious help and needs it quickly. The thinking and behavior that led her to think the trap was an ok move should send up serious red flags. Also her unwillingness to make decisions for how she will handle the pregnancy, the baby, or make plans in the best interest of the baby is a problem.
You already know this, but your DH is not helping and is part of the problem. Tough love on this one is the only way I see this working out well for any of the parties.
Thank you for all the great
Thank you for all the great advice. I have spoken to our attorney. She said that as long as he does not sign an Acceptance of Paternity form and put his name on the birth certificate - he will have NO rights to the child. To change that either one of us (bf or SD) would have to get a DNA test and go to court to establish paternity, get visitation or get custody.
I want to get her into therapy. I am suggesting family counseling for all of us. But today I drew my line in the sand. If BF takes no responsibility and SD takes the baby to see him -- I am outta here or SD is. He pays - ok. He doesn't - no way. Baby can stay.