DH and BM starting to realize there is a problem
SD-17 pregnant on purpose and her parents are just now realizing there might be a problem -- only because I told them I am done and outta there.
I know they realize that neither one can control their own daughter. I set limits/rules and I expect them to be followed. Period. DH has fought me all the time. So I had enough. Now it's up to them.
She was failing when we got married. SD was not going to graduate and she is a senior - and she didn't care. Now she has As/Bs. I have to stay on her all the time - but she knows she has to do the work.
SD has lied and manipulated her Bparents. She has ALWAYS gotten her way by pouting, yelling, temper tantrums, etc. Those things don't move me in any way. I once told her go ahead - my attitude is older and more experienced than hers. So she will lose.
Add they have learned that not only is SD giving her allowance to the boy that got her pregnant - but she has stolen from BM for him as well.
I can't help her with tough love with her parents not willing to follow through. They want me to "help" their daughter, but will not put teeth to their threats.
I am now at a cross road. Stay and help the child or leave and save my self.
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I say leave -- at least for
I say leave -- at least for now -- so that the child and the PARENTs will make some changes to help the child.
Time for you to think about you, and also to give the parents some tough love to make them realize they will have to do something because you are not taking over their job for them anymore.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
I stayed to help the child.
I stayed to help the child. Now I am almost broke (all savings and credit were maxed out to get custody/counselling/treatment for SS). SS17 won't talk to me anymore, even after everything I have done for him. He is failing 2 classes and probably won't be graduating this summer. He is dating a GF who is 19 and attending community college on her parent's dime, so SS and GF are out drinking and partying every night of the week.
Based on my experience, I say save yourself. And you can do that by disengaging from SD without having to leave DH. Your SD is old enough to seek help on her own now. Let her find her own path in life. Just make sure if you stay with DH that you both agree on the boundaries in your home. Best of luck to you!
"They want me to "help"
"They want me to "help" their daughter, but will not put teeth to their threats. "
This is what bothers me... they do realize THEY are her parents, right? Why is it up to you to save her? I think you should take a break & take an extended vacation from them. They need to learn how to parent their daughter and they'll never be able to do that if you are around to clean up their messes.
I'm not saying leave permanently by any means, however!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Good advice - and a few
Good advice - and a few laughs too! Thanks
It will only get worse when
It will only get worse when she brings an innocent baby into the world and realizes how easy it is to use that poor child to manipulate her parents even more. Won't buy me a car? Can't see the baby. Won't give me money? Can't see the baby. I can't go out because you won't babysit? I'll leave the baby with a stranger.
You think she is in control now? Wait until she hangs an infants safety and well-being over your heads.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Oy. My SS18 is pregnant (had
Oy.
My SS18 is pregnant (had a miscarriage at 16 and still flat out refused to use birth control after that).
I wouldn't leave unless that is really what you want to do (and this is coming from someone who packed her bags and left probably a million times), but definitely step back from helping her. She has to help herself now. And you'll never be appreciated for what you do for and you'll drive yourself crazy thinking about it.
I think you should take a step back and set some limits regarding what you will do for her and the baby and under what conditions.
I agree you should disengage
I agree you should disengage and/or move out for a while, take a vacation (a couple of months) to see if they step up to the plate...if they do, great...if they don't, you might then want to reconsider whether you want to live like this the rest of your life...