Vent, I believe my SS has Mental Issues
I am going to start blogging for real. I have sugarcoated things more than I can stand. I can't pretend anymore or worry about what others will think. We have problems. UGGGHHHH!!! I am so exhausted.
Do any of you have a child or stepchild that doesn't have empathy for ANYTHING? My SS10 has no empathy or remorse for anything. He does things EVERY DAY that he clearly knows is wrong but doesn't care. He will literally stand there straight faced and say "I don't know why I did that" and he will go about his way. He is faking his personality. For example, he will make these forced fake smiles that make him look weird and he uses this fake voice, its almost like he is trying to be "normal". Its really weird. Like he'll be like Pantera "your the best cook ever, I love the dinner you made", then we'll have company over and he'll try to embarrass me and say "she can't cook, that dinner was awful that she said I liked". He does bad things at least 3 times a week. I don't mean like not picking up after himself, wiping his hands on his clothes, ect. I mean like taking a razor to the bathroom walls, spitting a lugey in my hairbrush before I go to use it, hurting other people on accident or on purpose, I could go on and on. He'll say "I don't know why I did it", he will show no remorse, even after being punished and go about like nothing happened. He was diagnosed with ADHD and he is medicated for that. But something else is wrong and Im not just saying it as a stepparent. His BM and BM's Mom have said things that made me cringe (such as SS being a serial killer when he grows up). DH is starting to realize that most of SS's behavior isn't normal.
I have had it. I am so fed up and exhausted. I am sorry to say, but this child seems to be a freaking nut case. I want to bring up to DH that he should be evaluated, not just put into therapy but be evalutated. I tried to get him to do this 3 years ago when SS deficated on a bed when he was 7, same thing, SS said "I don't know why I did it". I like the therapist we have now as a person, not as a therapist. I think SS has manipulated her. SS needs some help and we need someone to tell us how to help him. I am just so sad and sick of putting my life on hold because I do love my husband and I want a future with him, I just can't take it anymore.
I will probably delete this tomorrow so I don't have any issues with people reading it that shouldn't be.
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Comments
Sounds like a sociopath. My
Sounds like a sociopath. My brother's ss used to be like this. He ended up in juvie for sexually assaulting a little girl. I don't mean to frighten you, but I wanted to point out that it could get really out of control really fast. His lack of remorse and true empathy is a major problem because it allows him to dehumanize other people.
I have similar fears with Creature, but since she is only 6 I am hoping it will improve (some professionals have told me that children don't really have empathy until 7-8).
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.
I am frightened already.
I am frightened already. And thank you for sharing, because I don't want to sound overdramatic, but I feel we should try to fix this before he is an adult and its out of control. I guess I did want some kind of validation and this makes me feel better.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
My ex SIL is STILL in
My ex SIL is STILL in denial. This kid was 14 when he attacked a 10 year old girl at bible camp. He spent 4 years in juvie and exSIL thinks it was a "misunderstanding" because her child would never do that. This was AFTER her sister caught him on top of her 4 year old grand-daughter. Now exSIL still subjects my 5 year old niece to this monster and since his offense is sealed there is nothing we can do about it.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.
This is some serious stuff.
This is some serious stuff. I agree that he should be evaluated as soon as possible. The sooner you can get him assessed, the sooner you can get him some help. He sounds like a budding sociopath. If his issues can be addressed now, maybe there's hope. I feel for you.
Thanks Selkie. I think by
Thanks Selkie. I think by the comments on here, I now feel like my feelings are validated and Im not the evil stepparent (even though his BM and BMgrandmom see something too).
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Thanks for posting. I am
Thanks for posting. I am just trying to avoid a bunch of heartache. Either we don't get him help and something horrible happens or I leave. I can't watch this kid grow up like this knowing people knew something was wrong and didn't do anything because they were in denial or whatever.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Sociopath,
Sociopath, antisocial....there are several psychological conditions that related to a true lack of empathy.
Taking any actions that are deliberately destructive or hurtful and showing now signs of remorse is certainly cause to get him into therapy and evaluated. It might also do some good to have a family meeting (and that means all Bios and yourself) to discuss your concerns about the child and a plan of action. Making it clear that ALL of you are in the same boat with the decision to seek treatment for him will be much better for everyone involved.
We tried to get BM involved
We tried to get BM involved when we were just taking him for therapy. She refused. I think its because she is scared of what may be or what she possibly contributed to.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
What about you and DH taking
What about you and DH taking action?
Aw Man!!! I saw your name
Aw Man!!! I saw your name and long post and was hoping for some good advice like you usually give. How do you do it? How do you live like this? Whats your DH's take on it all?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
My ss8 sounds very similar.
My ss8 sounds very similar. Everything is so fake, he has no empathy for anyone.. he only cares really about himself and the actions that effect him. You can throw all of his toys in the garbage, he's fine with that... you could say someone died, or someone is sad etc etc etc...he simply doesn't care. He also doesn't care that he pee's his pants, that he pee's his bed, he's fine with that... it's so weird and strange to me. He hugs me before bed, but its so fake and mostly just to please his father... anyways..the closest I've found to any sort of 'explanation' is sociopath, however kids under the age of 18 I believe cannot be diagnosed as such. Then I somedays think he's just an extremely selfish kid. He's spoiled and gets everything handed to him on a silver platter... so maybe that's it... I don't know..but I'd keep my eye on it.
Yeah, they don't diagnose
Yeah, they don't diagnose alot of things until your 18, but I feel that if they might think he is a budding sociopath, they can help us with how to make things better? I don't know. Its all very exhausting.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I wish it was as easy as
I wish it was as easy as refusing SS into our home. DH has full custody. You are right with everything you say. It just sucks because I do love my husband very much, I just can't live like this.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
My DH is in total denial and
My DH is in total denial and SS10 lives with us full time. He sees his mother 3 nights a month, so I feel that it should be crystal clear to DH being that we have SS 27 days out of the month!!! Last night I was told that Im being too sensitive. I am going to post a blog and that is the reason I am contemplating leaving. I am already sick of putting my life on hold. I can't have a baby!!! I already feel the need to watch SS10 around our dog!!! SS10 is attacking me directly. Its personal.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus