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What nasty attitudes!

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 12:54pm

It's been a while since I have posted/commented on ST regularly, but in popping in every now and then to read, I must say some of you stepmoms on here have some of the nastiest attitudes/comments I have ever seen.

I don't know who dropped Dorothy's house on your ruby slippers, but there is no need to be so damn nasty to people who clearly need help. Not everyone can have a hunky dory situation, and if you are going to help anyone, you have to understand that when they come in the beginning, they are probably hurt and confused and filled with all these emotions they wish they didn't have, but for some reason, they do. To belittle them and make them feel as if they are bad people for feeling a certain way is useless. It DOES.NOT.HELP.

I would be all over someone like white on rice if they wished death upon their skids or BM, but hate is a normal emotion. Most people don't hate their skids, they hate the situation and the emotional drama that having skids come with, but are too confused to know where the source of their anger lies. I firmly believe that is what we should be helping with.

Don't get me wrong, there will always be some bad apples, but I think the majority of the people here want help with recognizing their issues and have asked for it, only to be shot down, because how dare they have a hard time loving kids that they have no biological bond to!!

Some people need to get a freaking grip, and realize that not everyone can live in their world. I bet the unicorns and flipping fairies there are pretty nice.

Comments

outofplace's picture

Submitted by outofplace on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 1:02pm

Thank you for writing this! I couldn't agree more. I've been really surprised by some of the comments I've gotten and read on other posts. Really makes me consider leaving. But there's a lot of good, sweet, helpful people here too. Smile

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 1:07pm

I DID say there were bad apples. What I also said was that I have seen posters ADMIT they did not want to feel the way they feel and needed a better way to deal, then STILL get blasted to kingdom come. Yeah, HOW does that help?!

lifeisshort's picture

Submitted by lifeisshort on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 2:25pm

Sorry nomi, but NO ONE deserves to be hated. Not even a bratty, little kid.

I think a lot of people on here do recognize that a lot of people come here upset, frustrated, angry, their last nerve frayed, and they just vomit up all this toxic crap that they've been holding on to. I'm a visual person, so for me, it's almost like being sick - I picture someone new coming here, vomiting up everything inside them. So a lot of nice people here will hold your hair back and wipe your brow. But if you keep coming back, spewing and vomiting on a consistent basis, then something is very wrong and I think a lot of people feel like maybe someone like that would be better served by offering some advice, experience, and possibly questioning their choices. And when that doesn't work over time, well then, it's obvious that they really don't WANT help, they just want to stew in their juices and play the victim.

I mean, for me, if a situation is THAT bad, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I want to lose 20 lbs. But me bitching and venting and moaning about not being able to lose it isn't doing me a damn bit of good. I have to DO. SOMETHING. to get that result. KWIM?

You can only spew the anger and hatred for so long before something needs to be done to stop it for your own good, and the good of those around you.

outofplace's picture

Submitted by outofplace on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 1:32pm

Again, I'm gonna have to agree with, TheWife. I've not spoken one negative word about my SS. And my only complaints have been about myself and wanting to improve, and my BF's lack of time for me when SS is not here, I still got nasty comments. Thankfully most comments were kind and supportive, but those few really got to me..

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 2:03pm

For someone to say we "KNEW WHAT WE WERE GETTING INTO WHEN WE MARRIED A MAN WITH CHILDREN"
sounds ignorant to me. It's hardly a fair or logical statement. Knowing that you're with a man who has children doesn't mean that one knows what him, his ex, or his children will be like months & years down the road. There are things that happen & things that come up that there is no way of knowing until you're in the situation. Different circumstances, attitudes, parenting abilities, etc can change a situation into something completely different from what it was when we met our husbands.

outofplace's picture

Submitted by outofplace on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 2:05pm

Ugh. If someone tells me this one more time, they're going to lose some part of their body.. Blum 3

I totally believe that there are no bad children. Only bad parents. If your skids are screwed up, they certainly didn't do it to themselves. Point the blame where it belongs.

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 2:11pm

"I totally believe that there are no bad children. Only bad parents. If your skids are screwed up, they certainly didn't do it to themselves. Point the blame where it belongs."

I completely and 1110% agree with this! I've told DH on MANY occasions that he shares 50% of the blames for SDs.....it usually shuts him up! Wink

outofplace's picture

Submitted by outofplace on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 2:33pm

My BF is an incredible father, and I thank the Buddha's for that everyday! He really picks up BM's slack. If it were left up to her, SS would be a monster.

folkmom's picture

Submitted by folkmom on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 1:30pm

why can't someone say that? if that is what they feel? maybe for that person it is a wholly accurate description. why is that not allowable to be expressed.

you have been here FOUR days...and yet you judge.

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 1:31pm

I am always leery of someone who comes here after a whopping 2-3 days or whatnot and makes statements like these.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 1:12pm

like

jccomehere's picture

Submitted by jccomehere on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 1:55pm

Thumbs up. I come to say things like "I can't stand my BRATTY SS4" Where the hell else can I say that. Of course in reality I know he's 4 and his mom is too busy taking trips with the CS to teach him manners so its not that I REALLY hate a 4yr old its that some days I want to VENT and say whatever the heck i want and if i found out my BF had a profile and was saying the same thing about my kid then oh well good for him cuz he damn well won't say it to my face just like I would never tell him I hate his son. I don't hate any of my Skids for real. But sometimes the stress gets to you. So if you don't like the post, don't read'em!

luckykell's picture

Submitted by luckykell on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 1:59pm

You said it! Smile My 1 year anniversary on this sight is right around the corner and my-my how things have changed!!!

cyberwoman's picture

Submitted by cyberwoman on Mon, 06/28/2010 - 2:11pm

Thank you for saying this. The site has provided tremendeous support to me when wrestling with difficult emotions involving my ss. I hope we can keep this site going with that same supportive attitude in mind.