I first came on here about six or seven months ago, after lurking for quite a while. Back then, the atmosphere was a helluva lot different, and more helpful, at the point that I joined.

I was hurt, angry, bitter, depressed, and downright PISSED about my situation (ain't that right Colorado Girl?! lol). Many posters on here took the time to help me sort out the source of my issues and the root of the resentment, but the most important thing was : I learned to LISTEN. It was very hard, because I was stubborn and set in my ways, and thought I was always right. I wasn't. I wasn't always wrong either. Just by doing something as simple as LISTENING and THINKING, I was able to help my relationship grow by leaps and bounds in a relatively short time frame.

Anyone who knows me knows how happy I am these days, and how far I have come. And for those who care to improve, I want to pass on some of the things I have learned, in hopes that I can help someone the way those "old timers" helped me.

-Find the source of your resentment. Chances are, you don't hate your skid. Normally, those feelings stem from your frustration with disneyland parenting tactics, or you are projecting your feelings from BM onto them.

-Kids will be kids. Learn to separate typical kid behavior from a*hole stepkid behavior. There is a difference. Ask yourself if a child you cared for did the same thing, would you still be as upset?

-Pick your battles. Not everything is a big deal. Don't make it one. Divide things into categories. Shit that annoys you, and shit you won't tolerate. When an issue comes up, decide which category it falls into. If it's merely annoying, does it require you to make a big stink? If you make a fuss about EVERYTHING, no one is going to listen to you on things that actually do matter.

-Shut the f*ck up sometimes. Think before you speak. Take 20 minutes to sit on an issue. If it isn't still bothering you 20 mins later, it wasn't that big of a deal.

-Only control the things that are within your control. You can't change BM or her ways, to learn to go around her, not fight with her about issues. Ex: If you know she won't switch days to accomodate a vacay request, plan the vacay around YOUR days. Take the control out of her hands. You can't change her, don't try.

-Evict BM from your head. Many of the issues we have with the BMs are fabricated in our own heads. Jealousy, bitterness, etc. Stop obsessing over her. Don't read her FB and MySpace or whatever. Most likely, she is not thinking about you. Obsessing over her is giving her even more power over you.

-Most Importantly,know when you are at your limit. Some things may never change. Some DH's never get it. Some skids never act right. Know when it's time to go, if it ever gets to that point. Sometimes you have done all you can do, adn if your partner isn't willing to meet you halfway, you gotta bounce.

This list is a general list of what worked for me. They may not work for everyone, but I wanted to share in hopes that I can help someone like I was helped.