fed up
I have learned alot in the past year. I am a nanny of sorts to my ss7. I expect him to help out around the house with the daily chores primarily cleaning up after himself. He is a pain in the a$$ and refuses most of the time, which I allow my DH to deal with. He just doesnt care whether or not the child cleans up unless someoen is coming over. He says im just a neat freak.
I just can't stand the child. I take him to freakin counseling appointments, make his food, wash his dirty clothes, and make sure he gets dressed and off to school on time. I attend court with his father nearly every month. (the kid got into a bunch of fights at school and the school filed a FINS and they have to go to court.) He's been in the behavioral hospital already. He's lucky he didn't have to go to juvenile detention.
The kid is such a smart alleck! I want to smack him in the mouth everytime he speaks. I don't know why he's like this. His psychiatrist recommended that we put him in karate, so we are letting him do that. I expected his behavior to improve, but it definitely hasn't. He has adhd and impusive agressive disorder (wont find that in the DSM). I dont know why I have so much dislike for the child. He is a liar!!! He frequently gets mad that I don't believe him, but I have caught him in so many lies that I just can't believe a word he says which adds to my dislike of him. I liked him back when he was well-behaved and polite. Then his dad and i moved in together and a few short months later he became a complete pain in the butt. I'm just fed up with him and needed to vent. Sorry none of this makes sense.
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wow, I am sorry sorry for
:jawdrop: wow, I am sorry sorry for that. My skids are always not doing anything in the house. She is always yelling at them to clean something. They come and go, dirty things , and god forbid if they pick up the mess they make. They think it is a vacation 24/7 !
I hope the karate helps him
I hope the karate helps him to have more discipline. He is supposed to clean up his room daily, empty his plate after dinner and put it into the sinks, put his laundry into the basket (that's not to much to ask right?) sweep up after his messy meals, and fold one load of towels per week. It's not that many chores and they all directly relate to his being in my home. I wash one extra load of towels on the weeks when he is there, so he has to fold one load, and its only towels, my DD3 folds all handtowels and washcloths everyweek. She also collects all dishes throughout the home every morning.
I'm just so stressed. If he would do something without whining and acting like a complete smart a$$ about it, I would be more than grateful. His dad tries, but BM took SS to karate last night *I didn't want to go with her, my choice not hers* it was his first night so she had to be there. She's a decent BM mostly. Its the kid I can't stand.
and yes his counselor, therapist, case manager, and psychiatrists all suck!!! as did all of those people in the behavior hospital he was in. he even takes pills that are supposed to help regulate his behavior, but they suck too
This is probably a dumb
This is probably a dumb question, but how do you disengage?
Dh tries to be supportive, he tries to enforce my rules and chores. The kid is just horrible!!! The cousnelors and crap tell us to put him into time-out when he does something wrong but to reward him when he does what he is supposed to do. I dont think i should have to buy candy or toys to get a kid to do what they are supposed to anyway not that he would ever get any, and how long is too long for a kid to sit in a time out, is 7 days too long? probably huh?
I've got nothin
I disengaged to the point of
I disengaged to the point of moving with my own kids out from under "our" (translation-his and exes skanky trailer((sorry, further translation: aluminum can full of holes, bugs, germs etc to the point of nearly falling down around our ears)). When it became completely evident that all he was worried about was how "fair"(translation-dont have any expectations of a 6 and 7yr old or show them responsibility) I began by not fixing meals unless it was plainly the sandwich and chips variety--why? Because when you bust your ass in a kitchen they dont help clean up (and neither does he) and you didnt hand out menus in the first place suggesting there were any options they will be eating the meal least likely to require any nasty remarks about how yucky it is and you dont want to eat it. From there I only washed mine and my daughters' laundry-son washed his own. I then refused to watch them for him when he worked his second job-by now he was completely withholding of affection toward me and very cool toward my 5yr old daughter who he has nearly raised all of her little existence. This was an every other week arrangement of his choice to get back at moomoo for cheating on him-but he divorced her anyway so.......................? Yes, at a loss there
Anyway xidiot of mine finally started paying me what he owes so the kids an I went looking and got our own not so germy, climate controlled, clean to our standards space. He says he understood but has snarled at me that I didnt think about him and his. Oh, really? The way you thought about the simplest of things like washing their f...ing (so, sorry for that)so that everyone includn the providers in the home dont get dog sick? My girls are asthmatics and anyone who knows how devastating this can be knows germs are a major enemy here. Or about the way that those 2 toss each other about and wind up with stitches or broken teeth because you always want them to like each other? So no matter the cost lets share germs and broken arms and such. He even tried teaching those behaviors to my littlest one which was very troubling to my teenagers-her much older siblings.
Im sorry Andrea, I have no really valuable advice to offer you-I'm not married to SO with the kids from hell, but I will say while we were living together I did manage a day or 2 out of 7 to have little to no interaction with them if I could help it. He put a locking doorknob on our bedroom because of my dd16 and I utilized past that by putting in my earbuds cranking the itunes reading a book behind a locked door--usually after I made sure that an older sibiling was going to look out for 5yr old or brought her in there with me.
I know its ugly, unChristian to ignore a child (his family remind me of it on the rare event I actually show up to a family function by ignoring me) and these are the same people who look down their noses at their own grandchildren/niece and nephew about their heathen behavior but never say anything to dad about it. But I have done it because for 3yrs I kept after them and he didnt bother to even "step-in" unless he thought they were being unfairly punished-I gave baths, helped with homework, fed them food they said was "yucky", washed their clothes, took them with me to run errands, bought treats, etc and finally got tired of dad not paying any attention to me or negative attention if they got in trouble but he didnt think they should have. I ignored because he was leaving me to the parenting while he played on his computer or with them but never anything with me or my kids. I keep thinking I can try to pretend or that I will grow the capablity of telling him that we have no relationship because he wants me to love his kids and I cant even like them because of the way their parents let them behave.
Shameful I know
Well my hubby and I are at
Well my hubby and I are at odds over this. He is back into the whole guilt parenting thing again. The kid takes pills which are psychiatric meds, so he just puts all the blame for his kids behavior on those pills. The pills are supposed to make it better. He came home last night the kid was "grounded" by me because of his smart mouth. He asked me about it and I told him the situation that led up to the kid being grounded. He acted like i overreacted. I dont think i did. dh thinks that i have it out for this kid when in reality i want to like the little brat. it is not possible to like a child who behaves this way im convinced. i try reallly hard, i buy him nice things which he either complains about or breaks, i cook the food he likes when he is here (I love to cook, not something i would deprive myself of to punish him), i give him paper plates and plastic silverware to make cleanup easier on him *and me* but i still dont like him. he is disrespectful to me and i hate feeling like there is a child in my home that i have no control of. no one disciplines this kid, huby tries but the kid is just non-responsive.
i also agree that at age 7 time-out is no longer an effective punishment, it is a good one at 2-3 years old though. i have a 3 year old princess and time out works very well for her.