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When SS was 7

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 8:22am

I remember one time when DH and BM had joint custody and we only had SS on the weekends, we met BM and her BF at the drop off spot. SS was 7 at the time. He got in his Mom's car and we were backing out and DH looked over and was like "what is going on"? DH rolled down the window and SS was spazzing out trying to get out of BM's car and he got the door open finally and stood up and yelled "I Love You Pantera!!!". I just smiled and waved, DH had just moved in together a few months before so it was out of no where. What happened to THAT kid? We all were so happy then.

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Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:41am

The parenting was definitely the killer. BM isn't a parent and DH still guilty daddied after he got custody. That was one thing I said to DH the other day. "How are you going to change things now when this child has been able to do as he pleases and be praised for it for the last 10 years?!". Of course DH didn't have an answer. I feel bad for everyone but I am also hurt and angry for myself. All I tried to do was have a family.

bioandstep2009's picture

Submitted by bioandstep2009 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:20am

Wow, I'm no fortune teller but I can almost guarantee that SS10 will never say those words to me. And you know what? That is OKAY. I don't really care anymore if he loves me or not. I'd be happy if as a result of my and DH's efforts, that he turned out to be a responsible, polite and good person when he's an adult.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:36am

It just hurts because we really could have been a happy family. I was all for it. It wasn't like I went in there like "screw your son, he isn't mine, blah blah blah". Now Im just done and wonder why it had to be this way.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:43am

You didn't even have to go there!!! Im not sorry to say, I will never date a guy with kids again.

bioandstep2009's picture

Submitted by bioandstep2009 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:44am

Yep, we could have had a more coagulated family unit as well. I went into it, just as you did, all positive, genuinely accepting of SS10, reading all the books etc. I wanted to have a positive cooperative "it's the village that raises the child" relationship with BM but she just couldn't get over her insecurities, jealousy and just plain old bitter, spiteful and vindictive ways. It's unfortunate that things turned out this way, but I have tried and tried and now I'm done. I am more comfortable in my role as another adult authority in the house who takes care of his basic needs, supports my DH, helps with homework etc. but I no longer hope for recognition or appreciation from my SS10.