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Offended by put down responses! Think before you post.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 7:13pm

I’m very sorry to do this but I’m highly offended at one poster and her constant put down responses and snide remarks.

Although I do believe some of her advice is quite good BUT her delivery is appalling.

After dealing with the tragic death of Dani and really learning the feelings and emotions an SM goes through especially one with no BKs I’m sick to my stomach just thinking about someone not being in the right frame of mind posting a blog for some advice and then getting a lame, harsh and hurtful response like how dare someone feel like that. What message is that sending someone, that the blogger should be ashamed for feeling like that??

This is real life and real feelings, each and everyone of you are dabbing into someones real life when you give advice or post a comment, this isn’t some game we are playing on line.

I want to put a question out there that I hope will help some people to remember to think before you respond.

How would any of you feel if you didn’t think before posting a comment to someone which was too harsh, hurtful and rude in your delivery and that pushed someone over the edge. We honestly do not really know the state of mind someone is in when they are seeking advice and this should be something we think about before replying to ones post. Otherwise don’t post at all.

Maybe this is just too close to home for me.

Comments

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 7:27pm

Thanks Snarky, I don't think I said it as well as I wanted to. Like I said a little to close to home for me.

Thanks again.

B's picture

Submitted by B on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 7:30pm

KGB, you just said everything I've been thinking for at least a couple of weeks. I've been reading comments here and have thought of Dani often after some of them. Hope you are well, and thank you for the reality check that some folks here need.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 7:34pm

Thanks B,

I think everyone here would be surprised at how many PMs I got after the original post about Dani and how all of these SMs had at one stage felt the same as Dani and could sympatize with what she did.

Like I said this is real life not some game. People need to remember that.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 8:40pm

Nomi, you are more than welcome to PM me if you are too worried about posting something for everyone to see. I will help as much as I can.

It may not be the best advice but I'm a good listener.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 8:30pm

Hello DPWB, Thank you, I'm doing ok I guess. I will post an updated blog in the next few days.

sqstepperson's picture

Submitted by sqstepperson on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 8:16pm

Isn't the whole purpose of these blogs to "vent', good and bad?
As long as people retain sensitivity they should be able to state their feelings without being judged.
One thing to consider - people venting here are feeling hurt, depressed, angry and at at times hopeless. So, everyone, please- take a breath and try to consider the above before you judge.
Thanks all

Smile

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:04pm

Thanks Lizz,
Sorry I should have explained, Dani use to blog here, she is my fiance who took her own life last November Sad
Please feel free to read my past blogs for the story.

Crizzle's picture

Submitted by Crizzle on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:02pm

Like! Definitely need a "like" button on here...or maybe even a "love it to itsy bitsy pieces" button!

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:24pm

Thanks Lizz, As much as it hurts to re-read the above I know she would be proud of me for trying to help.

I'm missing her now more than ever. No, that's a lie. I miss her more and more each day.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:37pm

No need to be sorry. Just the fact that you have said it hit home for you and made you think not to be so hard on yourself made it worthwhile.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 9:59pm

It's people like you that my fiance came to for support and advice and you dish it out like it's some kind of game, so don't apologise.

I'm just grateful that you weren't around at the time to make Dani feel even worse than obviously she already did. Now I'm the one sounding harsh, but geez woman you have seriously pissed me off.

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 7:39pm

Thank you for saying what has been needed to be said. And thank you for coming back and helping us all.

KeeKee's picture

Submitted by KeeKee on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 6:30am

BF...I really hope that you take what KGB has said to heart. I have been on this site for almost 4 years. And of all the "troublemakers" that have come and gone before you, you are the most perplexing. A lot of the times, I agree with what you write but your delivery just drops my jaw to the ground...I really hope that you don't treat the people in your life with the same disdain that you treat some of the STalkers on this site. It's never too late to change.

stepmomap's picture

Submitted by stepmomap on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:36pm

KGB, Thank you for posting this. I went and read the blog and it hit home for me so much. I have been trying for months to explain to my DH how I have been feeling. How it is that our older children can do wrong in his eyes but not his child. This explains how I feel. I cut and pasted it and sent him this in a e mail. I told him this is how close to this I feel as a step mom. It is very hard to have to take his ex wife's and her new husbands abuse and he just lay back and not say thing to them, with the exuse of just leave it alone and they will stop...it started 2 years ago and it still has not stopped. Again, thank you so much for you blog and for this I need it more now then ever.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:49pm

Ohh Stepmomap, i can hear through your words how sad and tried you are. I hope once your husband reads the email it opens his eyes and opens a new beginning for the two of you to be a united front and tackle the future together rather than against each other. I'm crossing my fingers ever so tightly for you.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 12:39am

Thanks Katrinkie,It's not easy and sometimes it does take me a while to build up the courage to post something but I must admit it is helping me knowing that Dani's story helps people. I just try to remind myself that Dani would be proud to know I'm doing this for people like her.
Unfortunatly I don't have the time to be on here everyday so please feel free to share my story with whoever you think it will help.

Lilly's picture

Submitted by Lilly on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 9:28am

Thank you for posting that KGB, Im so sorry, I cant even imagine the pain you must have to loose your love.
This site has its good and bad like everything else int he world, but we have to remind each other how we can support each other, without all the negative responses.

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 11:14am

Thank you for reaffirming my thoughts, I think we are all probably talking about the same poster.

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 11:46am

Sincere condolences, KGB

And thank you for addressing a problem on this site.

I support differences of opinion and alternative solutions and good advice. I cannot stand judgemental, patronizing criticism and snide remarks. I've often said ignore the user and the comments, use the delete button or flag as offensive. But you make an important point, if the blogger is fragile and seeking HELPFUL advice or a SAFE place - a harsh judgemental hurtful response can be so damaging. And it is completely unneccesary.

Thank you for pointing that out to me.

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 12:57pm

KGB - You are an inspiration to us... and it's a loving tribute to Dani how you keep her memory alive. Thanks for helping us out here, and being an advocate. HUGS to you and your family. When you get a moment, and if it's not too difficult - it would be nice to hear how you are doing. Really - THANK YOU.

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 4:20pm

Not a game but real people here…
Glynne, I agree with you 100% and I too have just been ignoring the “mean” comments on here as I believe most people have.
I will speak up more, especially after a post yesterday where the poster took the death of her own sister and used that in an underhanded way to try to hurt others. If this poster had not shown a pattern of this type of behavior previously, others on here would not have known the dishonesty in her asking her question (even tho there was a claim to not wanting an answer). I believe she really could have done some real damage to someone who was new here, kind of like a few days ago when one of our new members was asking if she was “normal” since the sound of her SS made her skin crawl. That woman was already feeling like crap but…what kind of advice did she get?
KGB, Thank you for speaking up about the harm that can be done via words on here and for allowing your own tragedy to show the seriousness of this. Total opposite of what the other poster was doing.
I only started coming on this site regularly around the time of your beloved’s death and never ‘knew’ Dani. I took the time to read a lot of her old posts as well as yours and I don’t think you’ll ever understand how you have taken a terrible tragedy and turned that into doing good for others! You are truly a special person and please do not be hard on yourself.
Below I cut and pasted a couple of quotes from the responses you received after informing ST about Dani. Mind you the subject wasn’t even about the possible harm that could be done by other’s snide remarks but was just people writing what we would think is their honest feeling at the time they wrote. I think it sums it up.

**I'm trying to crawl out of this hole and have not shared much on here for fear of being labled something nasty. So, I've withdrawn. - STalker relating to her own thoughts of suicide.

***Even though you think what you are thinking is evil and nasty give vent to it, I promise you will not be judged here. I wasn't and it was one thing I actually dreading.- Assurance to STalker above.

**To mock me is only voicing the shortcomings you have and that I have already picked up on and gone away from ** - MsPerception’s byline

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 6:20pm

No longer silent.

Yes, we should all agree not to let the snide, mean comments slide by. We can call the poster(s) out on their remarks without sinking to their level. We can become aware of new posters and welcome them and provide them a safe place to express themselves.

Maybe I'm a bit of a Pollyanna but I think that the majority of users here provide sound and compassionate advice. We need to make sure that we are heard above the din of the troublemakers.