Countdown on CS...why does it seem that the clock goes backwards??
Just wanted to peek in to say hi to my fellow step-buddies (ladies and men).
Also, I'm curious if anyone else out there has been with their DH/SO/BF long enough where the skids have finally "aged out" of CS and the BM is finally off your payroll.
1. How does BM deal with the major decrease in income once CS has stopped and how has it affected your relationship?
2. Anyone with crazy BM's that tried some crazy ways to get CS extended? Did they win or lose?
3. What has your life been like post-CS ending?
Honestly, part of me is SOOOOOO excited that someday we will have BM off our payroll and FINALLY be able to live our lives as normal (with a $1600/mo. increase in disposable income) - whoo hoo!!
Another part of me worries that even though the actual court-ordered CS$$ will stop, that my BF will continue to do ALL of the financial supporting of these skids and that BM will still somehow get "off the hook" from being financially responsible to her OWN CHILDREN!
Oh, one more question: How long do YOU & your DH/BF/SO have left paying CS$$ to your BM?
Here's my countdown:
For SDstb16 - we have 2 years & 2 months left
If SDstb16 remains a full-time student after high school - add 4 more years (ugh)
For SSstb13 - we have 5 years & 4 months left
If SSstb13 remains a full-time student after high school - add 4 more years (double ugh!!)
OMG, just reading my own countdown, ESPECIALLY if SSstb 13 remains a full-time student until he turns 22, means we have 9 YEARS & 4 MONTHS of CS$$ left to pay the BM. :sick: :sick: :sick:
You know what? This whole CS$$ bullchit is so ridiculous - we share 50/50 joint physical & legal custody with BM!! Why oh why is this allowed in our country in this day in age?? Just because BM chooses to sit on her ass, we are FORCED to support her - because in NY if a man is hard-working and makes MORE than the woman, he MUST PAY CS$$ to her!! The more he works, the more he earns, the more she's entitled to collect!!! This is effin WRONG!! I swear, it is LEGALIZED EMBEZZLEMENT!!
I could never do what BM does - I have WAY too much pride & respect for myself. She collects CS$$ & lives off of it just like a welfare recipient. She's nothing more than a leech and I cannot WAIT for the day that the "gravy train" ends for her.
Thanks for letting me vent!!!
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I know exactly how you feel.
I know exactly how you feel. I'm counting down the time as well. 2 years, 10 months left here. Luckly, our CS Order states that CS will only continue past SS15's 18th birthday if he is still in High School. I wouldn't put it past BM to sabotage his graduating so her CS doesn't stop.
SO informed me last night that we will have to pay for SS15's drivers education in the upcoming months. Nice. So, we are now going to have to pay for his school clothes and supplies, braces and drivers education. Sure, anything to make psycho BM's life easier. Sometimes I just want to SCREAM and pull my hair out! I know after I calm down, I will feel that we'll just have to pay it and eat it. It's not SS15's fault his mother is a piece of shit and he shouldn't be the one to suffer. But, man, it pisses me off!
Havehadit, thank you so much.
Havehadit, thank you so much. It's nice just to know that I'm not alone and that I'm not crazy for feeling the way that I do about all of this CS$$ crap.
Are you also 50/50 joint custody with BM, btw?
Oh, yes, we've already been through the braces thing with SDstb16 - my BF had to pay for almost ALL of it (with the exception of maybe $200 contributed from BM when she first got the braces put on) which was somewhere around $2,000 plus BF's health/dental insurance company paying for the other $2,000. She needed some kind of "pallet expander" put on first before she got her braces (which was the part his insurance wouldn't cover).
Yes, we are now dealing with having to pay for SDstb16's driver's ed class (probably within the next year).
We also have to get braces for SSstb13, too. There goes another couple of grand $$$$.
It's only money, right?? :sick: :sick:
I'm so jealous/envious of you that your CS Order states CS stops for SS once he's 18 - and yes, same here with our BM - I'm almost positive she will try to sabotage their graduations just so CS doesn't stop. Crazy, huh???
My SDstb16 already failed math in both 9th grade & 10th grade, has now failed Earth Science Regents exam in 10th grade (failed the class every quarter but teacher gave her a 66 just to pass her through) and has to retake it this summer. I guarantee she fails it again. If she doesn't pass this exam (along with many others) here in NY, she can't graduate on time.
Hmmm....I smell a rat. BM is not making SDstb16 study, not making her go to summer school, not punishing her for failing, nothing, nada. Neither is my BF, by the way. His head is buried so deep in the sand that his kids are good kids, he just thinks she's "going through a phase" and she'll be fine.
God help me...
My SO doesn't have 50/50 per
My SO doesn't have 50/50 per the divorce decree. But, SS15 is always over at our house so, in reality, it is 50/50. Just not in the legal aspect.
I sat down the other day and went through receipts (I keep EVERYTHING now, SO never did). We have spent well over $1,000 in the past 3 months just on sports stuff, clothes, etc. for SS15. This does not include nessessities like food, shampoo, deordorant, etc. Nor does it include the family trips to Florida. The trips are our choice and I don't include that money but, BM has never once even taken SS15 across state lines let alone a vacation. In the past 3 months, BM did spent $9.98 on a pair of swimming shorts for SS15 -- OMG! How will she ever pay her bills (aka beer, pot and who-knows-what else) now?!?!?!
I have nothing against CS in the form that one should be responsible for their kid(s). What I have a problem with is that BM looks at it like it is HER income alone and it isn't used for SS15. And, on top of the CS, SO is still having to pay for everything that is supposed to be included in the monthly CS and the entire costs for things that should be split 50/50.
I've said it before and I stand by the fact that SS15 is nothing more than a CS check every month to BM. If she wasn't getting CS, she wouldn't want SS15 living with her. She made that perfectly clear in an incident last February.
We are on the other side of
We are on the other side of the equation. My wife receives CS for our son (my SS).
As odd as it may seem we are as excited to be done with the SpermClan as you are to be edging closer to not paying CS.
In 12 days our son (my SS) will turn 18 and we will shortly after that get him home from his final court ordered visitation.
The SpermClan is expecting that their CS obligation will stop on his B-day. Not when he starts college you toothless morons!!!!! Ha, four more years of CS with NO VISITATION!!!! I F-IN LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
My wife (the CPA) has already put together a huge spread sheet showing what it has cost to raise our son (my SS) and how much in CS the SpermClan paid. The first time the SpermClan calls our son and whines about how much they have paid in CS and that now he is grown he should help support his younger half sibs my wife will whip out the spread sheet, give a copy to our son and give him an exact accounting how little the poluted end of his gene pool contributed compared to what she and I have contributed. We always tell him the truth and we always share the facts with him.
I have no doubt that the SpermClan will try to leach off of my son (SS) as he grows as a man and becomes increasingly successful.
The SpermIdiots hate it when we do that type of thing. They whine when we give the kid facts. He comes home from nearly every visitation with some bullshit they try to feed him. We share the facts with him and give him the truth. The next visitation when they start whining the kid will say "that is not true. X is the truth. Why do you have to make stuff up?" then our phone rings and SpermGrandMa goes on a rant about what the Skid says when of visitation. Of course she totally misses the point that his statements are in direct response to bullshit manipulations by them.
For 9yrs CS was $130/mo. For the past 7 years it has been $385/mo. That won't even cover the taxes for the school districts we have lived in, or the food he eats every month, or ....... , or ......., or ...........
I know that some members of our community do not agree with the USDA calculations regarding the cost of raising a child to age 18. However, when compared to those calculations the SpermIdiot got off cheap.
12 more days and we will never answer calls from them again. 12 more days and we will never spend another dime facilitating visitations. 12 more days and our son will likely never see the SpermIdiots again. One more post visitation detox and we will never have to send our child to be poluted by their vitriolic crap ever again.
12 more days and I will declare total victory in our 16+ year blended family war.
Then we are going to sue the shit out of the SpermIdiot's worthless ass for his share of our son's medical expenses not covered by insurance. We have repeatedly sent the bills to him over the years and he refuses acceptance of the bills. We even have signed receipts from the USPS where he refused delivery. He owes us ~$6000.00. Once the judge tags on 16yrs worth of penalties and interest it will be 5 figures. I can't wait to see his face when the judge bends him over and F-ks him without lubrication. }:)
Once we get the money we are going to donate it to a childrens after school program in the SpermIdiots neighborhood in OUR NAME! We are going to buy a full page add announcing our benevolent contribution in the local paper complete with a family photo of my wife, our son and I. Ha!
The amount of OUR donation will be prominantly displayed at the top of the add and will be exactly the amount of the judges ruling.
I CAN'T wait to bare his ignorant ass publically one more time.
I am STEP DAD! I am the REAL dad. I'm #1, I'm #1, I'm #1.
Damn I am good!
Best regards.
(Sorry to hijack your post with my rant)
Go Rags! You are my hero!
Go Rags! You are my hero!
From the Bm side of it, my xh sent the minimum possible, never an extra dime for medical, stopped at hs graduation... and when my bd was working her way thru community college (with my support), she decided, I'm going to call him and tell him that he needs to help support me too. I cringed, but she was determined. And he actually stepped up to help her directly.
What a great way you are handling it, and have a great celebration in 12 days!
We are all done, thanks to an
We are all done, thanks to an agreement DH and BM made that swapped property (which she sold) for the rest of SS's support. He will be 18 in Dec.
It feels great to have that final tie severed. As for BM, she has floated her boat for the past 3 years with property sales, all of which disappeared without a trace. DH had told her from day one that she couldn't afford to keep the house but her ego got in the way. He even gave up some equity to get out from the financial tie. Her total "take" with sales and refi--about $70,000. She is still in debt up to her eyeballs, the money is gone, and her mortgage is almost at full value -- or more, since she has degraded that house. Unreal, huh?
It will be interesting to see the gyrations upcoming.
Technically we are done - SS
Technically we are done - SS is almost 22 and we only help out with things when we know about them and when we can. DH & BM split custody of the kids so there is no CS ordered for SD except that we have to carry her on our insurance which doesn't cost us an extra dime - It's Employee & Spouse & Family so we're already paying it due to SS and our DS.
Well, we THOUGHT we would be
Well, we THOUGHT we would be done.... no, when ss20 turned 19 we requested an emancipation order - at that time we were paying $300 a month for two children - we had them for eight years where she didn't pay a dime so, she agreed to the $300 a month when they went to live with her. Well, she took us to court and we are now paying $1400. a month to her for child support $800. for the rest of the 20yr olds life and 150 for the younger 18yr old that is going to go to college next month. The judge says that we have to pay back child support for the past year for the $800. So, now our bills are up to $1900. a month - 1400. child support 100. to her lawyer - 200. to our lawyer and 200. a month for college for the younger one. Devistated - we moved and took a lower paying job and then was slapped with this issue.
My husband works 7 days a week and i have tried getting a second job.
BM is the most evil person i have ever met.
SS graduated high school in
SS graduated high school in May and turned 18 last month. DH just made the final CS payment and is working with his lawyer to file the paperwork to end the CS order. BM has been sending emails to DH claiming that he owes an extra month of CS. Whatever. BM also wants SS to begin paying rent starting immediately, since she is losing her CS income. SS (very wisely) informed BM that if he has to pay rent then he will find a place of his own to live. I have a feeling that BM will continue to harrass both DH and SS for many years to come. Luckily, they are both very good at ignoring her.
Let me make sure I understand
Let me make sure I understand this. Your DH has custody of his kids, is 100% financially responsible for them. BM pays no CS. And ..... your DH pays her $21000.00 a year in alimony?
Holy Crap! I think I would punch the shit out of my lawyer if I was your DH.
Best regards.
There is absolutely nothing I
There is absolutely nothing I can say ...... except for...... :jawdrop:
Obviously your DH is a hightly compensated professional but he is not much for making sound decisions around protecting himself financially is he? :?
Wow!
Best regards.
BM's are great Child Support
BM's are great Child Support earners. We came so close to going for full custody & having her pay CS but DH blew it. He wants to keep it joint custody w/no visitation schedule in place & he'll pay her to be in swins lives whenever she's around & supplement her financially when CS isn't enough behind my back. Because "she's their mother & swins love her".
We paid $2700 a month for two
We paid $2700 a month for two kids for years! And we now have custody. It financially destroyed her. Part of me feels sorry for her. And the other part feels like she shouldn't have been relying on child support for x-wife support.
We didn't ask for any child support at all from her when we got custody. The only person she has to take care of is herself. And she is failing miserably at that.
Hi mom2five! Holy cow -
Hi mom2five! Holy cow - $2,700/mo. for 2 kids?!? That's child support alone, or does that include monthly maintenance as well? That's a lot of money, no matter HOW you slice it.
So now that you have custody (I assume you mean full 100% custody) that you don't pay her CS anymore? That's a HUGE amount off your payroll - lol.
It's not shocking that it financially destroyed her - and although a part of you feels sorry for her, you really shouldn't because she PUT HERSELF in that position. She made HERSELF dependent upon someone else's money, instead of earning her own.
If you don't mind me asking (sorry I haven't read your earlier posts), how did you go about getting custody? Why didn't you get court-ordered CS from her? That's a bit of a sore spot for me (wrote a reply to another post about this very same topic - the fathers that are 100% CP but don't get the court-ordered CS that they are ENTITLED to).
DH got custody of the skids 2
DH got custody of the skids 2 years ago. His CS obligation continued to rack up. We FINALLY got it settled in May. The paperwork (court order) was hand delivered to the Assistant AG or as I like to call her AssAG the first week of June. DH requested a statement from the CS office showing a zero balance on July 1. We got a statement showing he still owes ALL of it.
Our lawyer said sometimes it takes them as much as 6 weeks to get caught up with everything. If it hasn't been zeroed out by the first of August to call him back.
GRRRRR! When BM slapped DH with CS despite him having already been paying her CS directly, his wages were garnished within a WEEK!!! Yet, for him to get the court ordered relief he's got coming to him - we have to wait TWO MONTHS??? This is costing us money because we've waited to file the last three years tax returns so it wouldn't go to her. So frustrating!!
Oh and btw, BM hasn't given us a single dime for the last two years and the order states she won't have to until next May.
OH and when she DOES have to
OH and when she DOES have to pay CS, it'll be a quarter of what DH paid and we'll probably never see any of it because, she's already quit her job. DH said the other day, "I think I should be allowed to choke her, just for a little a bit." LOL! Wouldn't that be a great addition to the court order "As BM has been a raving blood-sucking 'see-you-next-tuesday' for the last three years, DH will be allowed to forceably place his hands around her neck and squeeze for a span of 60 seconds." If only!!
oh my gosh milomom 1600 a
oh my gosh milomom 1600 a month for TWO kids AND its 50/50??? that makes me sick. We figured out that DH would still have to pay BM like a 130 a month if he had 50/50 physical, because he actually work and she doesnt. and Thats not so bad as 1600. Gawd thats a little less than I make a month at my temporary job right now! Child support is a freaking joke! AND if the kids go to college you still have to pay? Thats bullshit. Parents shouldnt be FORCED to pay for kids education, if they want to, they can, but they definitely shouldnt be forced to pay the BM that money, it should go directly to the kid, since they'd be 18. Im paying my college tuition by myself, no help from anybody! That's what jobs are for.
BlendedFam, I'm glad my post
BlendedFam, I'm glad my post made you chuckle. You obviously have a reading comprehension deficiency.
I don't (and never have) despise that my man has children and has to financially support THEM. My problem is when there is TRUE 50/50 LEGAL & PHYSICAL CUSTODY, the order is followed precisely (no "deadbeat dad" here taking visitation when he feels like it), thereby resulting in skids LIVING WITH US FULL-TIME 4 days/week, then 3/days week (alternating weeks), yet he still has to pay over $1,600/mo. in CS to BM (which would be the same amount as if he were an EOW parent)!!! There is absolutely, unequivocally NO FAIRNESS in that and the CS laws need serious reform in this arena of 50/50 joint custody.
THIS IS THE UNFAIRNESS and what needs to be changed in the NYS (and in other states) laws when it comes to a 50/50 situation that I'm writing about. My problem is that BOTH PARENTS SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE/CHARGEABLE for the financial support of their child(ren), especially in a 50/50 situation. Why don't you mention that the BM should be paying my BF child support $$ to help raise the skids? Why is it acceptable (legal) for one parent to work when they feel like it, thereby being labeled as the "custodial parent" for purposes of child support calcuations, because they are the lower earner??
You have me TOTALLY wrong, but your extreme one-sidedness and failure to see objectively has you making statements such as you did like: "If you were the mom and your man moved on to someone new, you probably wouldn't think child support is wrong." WRONG BLENDEDFAM!!! WRONG! I don't think child support is wrong - NEVER, EVER made such a statement. Since you need help with your reading comprehension problem, I will state my position again: IN A TRUE 50/50 JOINT LEGAL & PHYSICAL CUSTODY SITUATION, THERE SHOULD BE NO CS$$$ PAID TO EITHER PARENT (assuming, of course, that both parents are healthy and are capable of working and of financially supporting their child(ren).
The law in NYS does not take this (50/50 joint custody) into account when computing CS. They add the incomes of each parent and apply the percentages based upon the TOTAL INCOME available for the support of the children. There ARE exceptions in place in NYS law that PURPORT to take into account a 50/50 joint custody situation, however in practice (in the courts of law here), the JUDGES NEVER, EVER USE THIS in making their decision.
MY BF is one of the BEST FATHERS that can possibly exist - I love him for that, I admire him for that, I respect him for that. He has, and always will, "do the right thing" by his children - and I will always stand by his side with everything that his skids entail (even through the crazy teen years that we are now experiencing).
BlendedFam, don't you DARE try to get on a high horse with me (or anyone else) when you don't have ALL THE FACTS. The words in your response are USELESS - they are nothing more than baseless OPINIONS without any FACTS to back them up.
I could care less about you, our BM, or anyone else that uses their children as nothing more than a monthly income/ATM cards - I'm not the "new woman" - I AM THE WOMAN!! I have absolutely NO RESPECT for ANY person (male or female) that chooses to not be held accountable for the support of their own children and simply "live off" the CS$$ instead of educating themselves and doing what is necessary to be a productive member of society. For any person (again, male or female), to think that for one minute, it is OK to "ride the coattails" of another (translation: USER, LOSER and LEECH), that's a person that is CLUELESS in general, and it probably carries over into how they "parent" their children as well.
THE POINT OF MY POST WAS THAT ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE/CHARGEABLE FOR THE SUPPORT OF CHILDREN THAT THEY MAKE!!! Also, that the laws in this country that deal with TRUE JOINT 50/50 LEGAL & PHYSICAL CUSTODY NEED REFORM SO THAT THERE IS FAIRNESS ACROSS THE BOARD!!
Oh, and by the way, when you make statements that generalize how the "new woman" just comes along and blah, blah, blah - you show just how truly ignorant and uneducated you really are. I could make those same statements about your situation to you, but I choose not to.
I will apologize now for coming across as rude or nasty in this reply. However, if you had ANY CLUE about who I am and what I believe in, you would've NEVER answered my post in the way that you did.
I never minded that my
I never minded that my husband paid CHILD support. We paid religiously....$2,700 a month...on time....every. single. month.
What I do resent is that we were paying x-wife support (alimony) disguised as child support. If you do the math, $2700 a month is $32, 400 a year...tax free!!! That's not child support.
I'm sure it financially destroyed her when the kids decided to move in with us. But that's what happens when you rely on CHILD support to pay all of your bills.
I don't mind my fiancé paying
I don't mind my fiancé paying cs, I hate the fact that bm uses it for her vacations every other weekend and then tells the skids that there father will get them what they need whatever they happen to want basically! I also hate the fact, that bm says to skids that she would take them on vacation BUT THEY HAVE TO BE WITH US! It makes them miserable because we are always saying no we can't afford that, and they "have to be with us". It's heart breaking and bm is evil, selfish and a manipulator! I try to not count down. I just try to protect my family specficially my finace & skids.
I don't despise my dh paying
I don't despise my dh paying support. In fact HE is the one who has a countdown! Ss is only 12, though. We'll pay til he's 18 or graduates high school whichever comes later. Considering his mom was a high school dropout..we may be paying a while! The kid does ok now, but like I said he's 12. We'll see what happens in high school. Anyway, hubby wants to go on a celebratory trip when payments stop. I think once ss is close to graduating bm will try to pull something to continue the money flow. We'll see!
Txmommyof3 - awesome idea!!
Txmommyof3 - awesome idea!! Maybe if I book that "celebratory trip" NOW, I'll be thanking myself later thinking "holy cow, this trip was so much cheaper then than it costs now!" Of course, I'm hoping that celebratory trip will be sooner than later...lol
My SS is only 12 now, too (will turn 13 soon). I hope & pray that the CS will stop when he turns 18. Like your BM, ours is a high school dropout, too!! (Coincidence? I think not.) So I'm sure she'll spend most of her time trying to think of ways to get the CS dragged out until SS turns 22 (keep him in school full-time, no matter what). That will make her age at that time: 54, just 8 years shy of receiving Social Security reitrement payments from my BF's employment during their marriage (SHOCKER! She filed the divorce papers RIGHT AFTER they hit the 10-year mark of their marriage. Hmmm.....).
Yeah, bm was 'in school'
Yeah, bm was 'in school' forever! (her excuse to why she couldn't work and was relient on child support.) Apparently she got her GED or something b/c she went to 'college'. of course we'd hear ss talk about the classes his mom would take- sign language and other bs classes. On top of that she never went full-time, just a few classes here and there. She finally (11-12 years after she was supposed to graduate high school) got her associates degree. I could understand if she worked but she never worked at all during that time. So we're expecting her to pull that game with ss just to drag the money out. Either have him not graduate or have him take the minimum courses in college a d take his time. Fortunately though, our decree doesn't mention college and bm won't even think about that til it's too late so we may get lucky there. I seriously doubt ss will want to go to college though. That family is so not into education and doesn't value it's importance. So here's to 6 more years !
Cheers txmommyof3! (raising
Cheers txmommyof3! (raising virtual glass of wine)
Here's to 6 more years MAX!!!!