I waited 9 years for it to get better in my last relationship. It didn't.

I wish I hadn't waited.

I agree with the other posters. Why drag it out any longer if you know you want out?

i am in a similar yet recently more complicated situation...and i think you should just be honest and please do it before you have kids together (if you already dont). i should have. now we have 2 children together and recently skids have been placed at our house after being removed from bm's care (the night i told him i wanted out) and now i just dont have the heart to put him and his kids out. so please if you are sure you want out, just tell him..before it is harder and more complicated. goodluck!

I know what you mean, as I am right there with you. H & I have actually been having "step" problems all along since pretty early on in our relationship and even split a couple of times, but alas the pull of LOVE is strong, so we got back together. However, the reality is I just don't think H & I were ever "right" for each other and we've both been just trying to "force" this to work because we love each other and don't want it to be a "failure." Now, things are more complicated because we have a child of our own together and although that has actually made things somewhat worse rather than better between us, I think it has also become the tie that binds us and I'm really not sure that is good for anyone.

Just sad all around because I really think what is best for ALL involved is for H & I to separate, but that is easier said than done when you geniunely do love each other and have made a commitment to raise your children together as a couple.

H & I have been seeing a counselor and frankly I don't feel that my feelings have changed much since we started seeing the counselor and I get the impression based on some of his words and actions that my H feels the way, so what are we to do?

I'm so sorry to hear it isn't working for you. It's tough to have to let people go, especially when we're used to their presence in our lives or we still love them dearly. Having said that, I'm glad you have the self-awareness to know you aren't happy and can't be happy in this relationship; being with someone with children isn't for everyone and there's no shame in that.

Definitely end things as soon as you can. It isn't fair to keep lying to yourself or him. There's no 'easy' way to end a relationship IME, but the best advice I can give you is to be honest with him. That doesn't mean rant at him or insult his kid during the break up, but there's a difference between telling someone the truth and beating them over the head with it.

Like others said, tell him you don't feel that you're cut out to be a SM and you want to end things so you can both find someone who better suits your situations and ultimately brings you happiness. It's a lot to take on and not everyone has the personality or energy to do it, but you wish him the best and it isn't anything he did wrong.

Best of luck!

I understand because I am in the same situation. I lived with my exbf too and there are a lot of issues. He's working on them, but I don't know how long it will take and can't put my life on hold any longer. I also cannot imagine myself ever feeling differently about his daughter. There are certain things I want in a relationship and in life that he cannot give me.

That being said, it is difficult. I've tried the clean break but there's not a problem between us really, it is the situation, and so, it's not like I hate him, or we've cheated etc...we still love each other! I guess a clean break is best but I am trying to maintain a friendship with my exbf because he is my best friend. As my counselor said, sometimes it takes a series of endings before the final ending. She also has said that there is no right or wrong way and that everyone moves at their own pace.

I wish I had the answer...I think for me it's just been a slow progression which began last year. I just do the best I can and I think I am different on the inside.

Sorry I can't help more. I wish you peace. Just remember, you will get through this and there's not just one way to accomplish this...I am sorry you're going through it...I know how painful it is.