You don't need blood. You can do it with hair (folicle) I beleive.

Best regards,

It's his decision, period. Bring it up once, maybe twice, and let it go.

Many guys decide they are already bonded and don't WANT to know. That's his choice. Don't ask him to do something that could make his and the childs life miserable because you can't deal with them...if that's the case walk away.

I'm in a similar situation, he's done one of the online tests...which confirmed his fears-...he's put off doing a "court approved" way for his own reasons-he lives in limbo and it's hell on him I know. But we've talked about it...I've given him my suggestions and it's on his lap now. He's a grown man and will make decisions based on what he feels is best for him and this little girl. Not because "I can't deal with it".

Who am I to insist he change that? Whatever you do-don't go behind his back and do it without his knowledge. That's a huge betrayal, overstep and will eventually destroy your marriage. It's a huge violation of his rights, decision, authority over his own life, privacy. It's wrong in every possible way.

Ooooooo… there’s NO way this man is going to take a paternity test if he feels there’s no reason to. And I’m here to tell ya… he’s going to end up resenting you for even mentioning it let alone pushing the issue.

I understand where you’re coming from… SS6 looks, acts, sounds and smells NOTHING like DH… SS2 is his complete little mini-me in every way, but SS6… well…
But I’ll NEVER bring up a paternity test to him! It’s like a kick in the nuts to this man who’s just trying to love and raise his *child* to even mention the fact that it may not be his… one time DH was lovingly gazing at SS6 and said, “Oh SS6… you look just like your daddy…” and without being able to contain it, the word “Really…?!?!?” came tumbling from my lips! DH looked so hurt and mad at me and said… “Things to NEVER say to a man who is looking at his child and saying how much he looks like him… “Really” is at the top of the list.”

I still think he’s pissed at me for even that little slip… but suggest a *paternity test*?!?!?
I shudder at the thought… good luck finding a way around this one…

Rags is right, or a cheek swab...and there are companies that will do it by sending a sample through the mail. Though the results from this type of testing may not be admissable in court in all areas. And I don't suggest doing anything that will make trouble between you and DH (like testing them without their knowledge).

Why would he not want a test if there is any doubt? Why do you have doubts?

My ex husband had a paternity test done on my son and I had to be a part of the testing too. I don't know if it is always like that but I think there has to be sample of BM's DNA too to compare the alleles. Good Luck!!

Good for you! Now maybe you can have some peace of mind at least, and that's important.

This is a big can of worms. Speak to a lawyer because I believe, at this point, he would meet the legal definition of a parent.

Your SD is the only one who stands to lose in this matter.

Some things are best left alone.

if he is on the birth cert. he is responsible. if he is not the real bio, the only other opion for him would be to find out who the bio is have have that person take on the cs role. until then, bio or not that will be his child.

I believe that these situations vary by state. Wheneverything is said and done, I believe it will be in everyone's best interest to know whether he is biologically related to the child, even for future health reasons.

Honestly I don't think you shoudl be with a man w/a child...what a disservice to both of them.

Want her/bm out of his life to make it easier on you?? screw his feelings about the child, the childs feelings about her dad...it's about you. Ouch.
Why not walk out if you don't want to deal with it?

"BM threatening to take DH to court for custody
Submitted by christinen on Thu, 09/23/2010 - 9:39am
Does anything actually work to stop the BM madness? She is threatening to take DH to court for custody of SD3 (they already have joint custody and he has SD every other week for the full week, so 50% of the time). The state we live in tends to side with the mother but BM is just a complete loser so they would be crazy to give her full custody."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Taken directly from your previous blog...what do you care if BM is threatening to take your DH to court for custody? You've made it clear you don't want the child in your life anyway. The state would be crazy to give BM full custody...what does that make you?

By age three, your DH will be destroyed if that kid isnt his. My DH refuses to get kiddo tested, and has since he was 2, less because they look exactly alike, and more because THAT is his kid, whether or not its got his blood. He has raised that kid, his life changed cause of that kid, he provided for that kid, he has dealt with bm because of that kid... what would he do if it came back negative? Abandon his only child,the child who KNOWS that that is his daddy? No. He would just live everyday knowing that kiddo isnt biologically his and it would destroy him. BM could use it to keep him from ever seeing his only child ever again, and it would destroy all three of us. If your dh isnt keen on the idea... i would drop it before he gets really pissed off. I understand how you feel; I wish i could wave a magic wand and make bm dissapear too... but you gotta face facts kid.

You except some ones children if you want to be with them. If you don't want to put up with "pain in the a$$" three year olds you should probably never have children because they are pains but they are also just children. My BS is not my husbands child but his dad is not in his life, and he knew that when he met me, so he stepped in to be the dad. If he wants to be there for a kid that is his or not his it is really none of your business, its his choice and if you do not want to be apart of it then leave!

Christinen......

How old are you? Something tells me you are too immatured to understand what you are hoping for.

No matter what, BM will always be in the picture and your living a fool's dream if you think that a paternity test will magically change your life.

Honestly, all I can see is a self-centred woman who couldn't give a rat's ass about a three year old little girl. If you think that ousting her known father from her life is not going to affect her at such a young age, your crazy.

Do your BF a favour and leave him before you destroy his life more so than BM has.

Frankly, I'm shocked by your appalling lack of empathy.

You're clearly too selfish & immature to make responsible choices. Your husband would do well to grow a pair, take his daughter and leave you.

if you did not want kids.. little tip DO NOT get with some one who has them, and then expect them to just ditch out on a poor little girl because it is not convenient for your life. If you want to be with some one except the situation or find some one who doesn't have kids. Or better yet a deadbeat dad who will be willing to ditch his for you

Something stinks about this whole thread - I think I smell a fake post - it seems to me that christinen is just an individual who has nothing better to do than draw everyone into this thread. It is obvious that she does not want advice she just wants to shock people.

So I am changing my advice - you go girl go ahead and secretly get that DNA test done - and if it proves that you BF is not the father then I hope you get your deepest wish of him dumping a three year old - good for you for being with a man with a child and you can't stand children -

And just so you know all of the above sentence is me dripping with sarcasm - and please stop wasting everyones time on here with this utter nonsense - Grow up and get a job or go to your next class.

And do us all a favor and don't ever have a child !!!

I'm a FSM, and I don't understand anyone who would contimue to be in a relationship when they dilike their SO's kids!!! I love my FSD!!! If you want this poor little girl gone so badly, then you might really want to do some soul searching and find a way for you to exit. I don't see how you could truly TRULY love your SO and not their kid(s).