You wont believe this one

:jawdrop: :jawdrop: So I email BM out of sheer desperation for a dramaless life. I let her know that me and my ex are best of friends and work well with the kids. Can we just put all this anger behind us for the kids sake and get along. Lets go against all odds and go for coffee. Well,I just got a response back of screw the coffee..how about some martinis, call me. So I did..she said she couldnt take the stress either, and would love to see this work. She said she is happy that her ex found someone and is happy and doesn't want all this crap between us going on either.

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That's great! My only advice

That's great! My only advice would be to be careful. I wouldn't be he friend. I think it's important to be civil but not friends. That could back fire

Proceed with caution. Please

Proceed with caution. Please keep your guard up so you don't get hurt.

Be careful about starting this relationship over drinks. People tend to lose their inhibitions when drinking, so you may start venting about DH together or otherwise getting off topic. And if you and BM finally start getting along, you don't want her to forget about it when she sobers up the next day.

I truly hope this works out for you. And kudos to you for being the bigger person and extending the olive branch in the first place.

I have so been there, done

I have so been there, done that. Is there anyone who HASN'T had this bite them in the ass? That is my question.

hmmmm...... be careful...

hmmmm...... be careful... and i agree don't get drunk and share too much info...

how does dh feel about this???

FDH is happy, hoping that

FDH is happy, hoping that some of this drama goes away. I will proceed with caution, my relationship with my ex is so wonderful I almost went back.lol.I will have 1 drink to be social and thats it. Maybe try and set boundries.

I've been "texting" with BM

I've been "texting" with BM for about a month now and everything has been fine! I only talk about SS and what he is doing. If she mentions DH I don't bite. I dont tell her our plans or what we did. I keep it strictly about SS...so far so good but I will proceed with CAUTION!!

True, just hoping that she

True, just hoping that she has had enough of this bullshit too!!! for real!!!

Hey there… not to sound like

Hey there… not to sound like a negative Nellie but the others are right.

Proceed with extreme caution!!!

Mother Russia and I are just about as friendly and civil as two women in this situation CAN be (we’ve planned parties for the kids together, shopped for them together, etc.) but there will always be some underlying issues that as well meaning as you may be, may still surface… especially over alcohol. I’ve seen Mother Russia go from “nice-nice-can’t-we-all-just-get-along!” to glaring at me from across the table with a glass of wine in her hand. It’s VERY shaky ground at best…

Good luck!!! Just watch your butt!

I would like to extend an

I would like to extend an olive branch to our BM since she is 6 months pregnant and just got married for the first time. Her H has two (?) kids so now she is a SM for the first time.

However, she has finally (for the FIRST TIME IN 11 YEARS) been leaving DH and I alone - at least since January (knock on wood) and DH says I shouldn't even remind her that we EXIST!

I think of the hell we have been through and can't even believe myself that I would still be willing to do this. But if DH doesn't want me to, I will let it be.

I think every BM should have

I think every BM should have to be a stepmom and be treated just like she treated the poor sm

LOL - EXACTLY! I even joked

LOL - EXACTLY!

I even joked with DH about sending a Congratulations card and write in it, "Here's hoping that your skids's mother is as much of an influence on your marriage as you have been in ours."

ROFLMAO...That's great.

I came from this life. My

I came from this life. My parents were divorce and my mom HATED my stepmom. Well 5 years ago, I lost my stepmom I am still devistated. She gave me some of my best words of wisdom. My mother is still nasty about her and tells me that my mom died, I go visit her in the cemetary, all because I like her. I just want all of the wasted energy gone, its crazy. I don't want to be her kids mom/ but I do love their dad, and would like to just have a good situation for the kids.

I am just afraid that you are

I am just afraid that you are going to be the one treated badly in this whole scenario, in some shape or fashion. The thing is, it doesn't erase your fiance's financial problems with her. What if she gets mad again? Are you guys planning ahead for that? I think you should start putting money aside for an attorney, because you are probably going to need one in the future.

And those are YOUR motives.

And those are YOUR motives. You don't know for sure what HER motives are. So go, be careful, put a drink and time limit. Say you have to be somewhere by whatever time. Keepthe meeting about the skids and get your point across. Don't think of it as drinks with friends but rather a business meeting. You want to be able to get along better not be her BFF. Don't expect too much either and do NOT trust her.

the FSkids are12 and 10. They

the FSkids are12 and 10. They have been divorced for 5 years and she is remarried with 2 more bio kids.

I'm going in eyes wide open.

I'm going in eyes wide open. Unfortunetly, being a product of divorce has taught me well, and I'm already hardened to these situations I will have eyes in back of my head.

I agree. I will follow the

I agree. I will follow the advise and have my guard up. But I and my FDH get along great, the communication is there and the kids aren't as hurt. I would rather see how it plays out and if it can work. She maybe assuming things about me and the air needs to be cleared in a respectful way. I am hoping for the best, but prepared for the worse.