18th bday/college
for those of you that have come across this age...what was the birthday gift given?
Dh wants to give ss17 $1,000 for college expenses (i think he'll blow it on something stupid)
He has already told ss17 that we will be helping him with furnishing dorm room stuff, DH breifly talked about getting him a laptop or computer also.
I thought that was nice of DH to offer the money, but i dont' think it's a good idea. I think use the $1000 to buy as much actual items as possible and have the rest on reserve if he needs it for books or something.
thoughts????
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I agree. If your DH is
I agree. If your DH is wanting the money to go toward assistance for college I would suggest purchasing appropriate items that add up to the amount he's willing to spend.
Handing a college kid $1000, it's very likely that 0% of that will actually be spent on college.
that's what i'm afraid of and
that's what i'm afraid of and then not only did DH spend $1000 but now he's going to feel guilty and obligated to help pay for whatever other expense the kid is needing help with.
I voiced that concern to Dh and he didnt' say anything. I have found that when i say "my worry" or "i feel" Dh doesnt' argue with me, but he'll actually think about it and then randomly later Dh will talk abotu it again and either ask what i think we should do or tell me he disagrees and why. it's amazing - we can actually have discussions rationally. it may not be when it is initially brought up, but it'll come back around again!!
PROGRESS!!!
My DH is the same way. If I
My DH is the same way. If I have thoughts or suggestions regarding our situation, I can speak for 30 minutes about what I think & feel & DH will have very little & sometimes nothing to say in return. When I hear him updating his mom or sister or someone on the phone about what's going on, I'll hear him say, "Stormabruin mentioned ------- & it really makes sense" or "Well, Stormabruin thinks that maybe ---------is why skids are acting the way they are".
It's nice to know that even though he doesn't acknowledge things as I'm throwing out ideas, I know he's open to what I'm sharing & I'm being heard.
it's VERY NICE!!!!!
it's VERY NICE!!!!!
SS asked us for tutition $$
SS asked us for tutition $$ and then let it slip he would be spending a semester in Italy this past summer. DH was ready to fork it all over and I put the brakes on that quickly. I asked for a semester break down and find out he really only need 1/2 of that for tution - the other 1/2 was for expenses and a laptop. He got what he needed for tution and we told him he'd have to ask his mom for the rest - She has not spent a dime on school yet - the poor kid is going to graduate with $40,000 or more in student loans and a degree in communication.
i'm afraid that's what is
i'm afraid that's what is going to happen here too. I've tried to help ss17 in finding scholarships but he's not interested. he wants to go into drawing...(hopefully not like what i found this weekend) and says that he'll enter drawing competitions and use that money. well that's a good plan ss, but what happens if you don't win like you think...I NEVER ACTUALLY SAID THIS, JUST THOUGHT IT so my goal is not to start a shitstorm with that comment. he has some drawings i think are really good, and others i wonder if he was drawing with his nondominant hand...
DH is a guilty dad and i don't want Dh to end up funding ss's college career. at some point in his life, i would like ss to take responsibility - that's my dream i guess.
My SS actually was getting
My SS actually was getting free tution since BM was lying to the state claiming his parents made under $60,000 a year which I know is a huge lie. She owned her own business and DH has a good job. Plus he was going to a state school. Well he wanted to transfer to a different school same tution deal but she didn't want him that far away so some how he ended up at a private school with no deal. So the $40,000 in loans will be fore 2 years of school!!!! He had some scholarships to help pay for books and that kind of stuff but he let them all go.
So I told him that what he got this summer was the last of it - He needed to get a real job and help himself before we'd help him. Nothing to this date has transpired and as usual we don't hear from him'
Ugh - that really hits a
Ugh - that really hits a nerve with me since our BM got skids into many "low income" programs because she would only work PT, if at all and never claimed her CS money.
don't you have to claim that
don't you have to claim that on taxes and stuff - what would keep them from claiming that?? isn't there a checks and balances??
No checks and balances - she
No checks and balances - she just basically claimed that DH was totally out of the picture which I found to be amazing considering the divorce paperwork shows that DH had custody of SS and she got custody of SD. I'd love to report her but I think karma will eventually come back to bite her and I don't want any of that bad karma to come my way.
yep! Any cash you send goes
yep! Any cash you send goes on beer. I learned that my son's first year in college. I'm pretty sure I was providing beer for the entire frat house.
I also like the computer,
I also like the computer, that is what we are planning on doing for each of our kids.
how much is too much?? I
how much is too much?? I remember using the money from graduation for dorm stuff. i know my parents got me a computer and printer and once at college my roommate and i got a lot of stuff at walmart.
i just think $1000 seems like a lot...
We bought my oldest son a
We bought my oldest son a laptop for graduation. I think we spent around $1500 on it.
i HOPE it would go to college
i HOPE it would go to college expenses (direct college expenses - books, materials).
Well, we financed SD thru
Well, we financed SD thru junior college and then forked out tuition money (about 40K) for university (gave the money directly to her, not the university). She didn't finish her degree, only a semester to go, but instead got married and had kids.