How to deal with spoiling???
So, my stepsons get whatever they want whenever they want. BM tries to be the "cool" parent and will take them to rated R movies, let them stay up late, buy them anything they want, etc... They are just becoming spoiled entitled brats. We had them make up lists of what they want for their birthday and Christmas and everything they want is super EXPENSIVE. But the thing is - they know they will get it. It makes me not even want to buy them anything. For example, BM bought SS13 a laptop for his birthday. Who spends $800-1000 on a birthday present?? We spent about $150 on him. I don't think any kid needs that much money spent on a birthday for them. Period. I just want to tell BM that she is not doing her children any favors. Why would SS15 even get a job when his money gives him whatever he wants??? I'm sure she will be buying him a car next year. It's just so crazy! I wasn't raised like that --- I don't care if she has the money or not - just because she can afford to buy them whatever they want doesn't mean she should. And why are we paying her child support again? To pay her luxury car payment??
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I don't think there is a way
I don't think there is a way to deal with it if it is not happening in your home. It is hard to watch though.
I wonder why BM does it in
I wonder why BM does it in our case when she has SSs the majority of the time? Maybe to make up for the time they are with us??
My problem with having rules, consequences, etc is that then the boys won't want to come over to our house. We don't want to push them away and I am afraid that is what will happen...
BM in our situation does the
BM in our situation does the same thing EXCEPT she cant afford it!!! She literally will buy SD11 anything she asks for and then has the nerve to call up DH and say the electricity is about to be turned off can you loan me some money - you dont want your daughter without electric do you???!!! Last week it was the phone bill. Sometimes he gives in sometimes not. I dont want to know. Meanwhile SD11 is turning into an entitled brat! She'll ask us for something and when we say no, she says my mom will buy it for me then because I know she LOVES ME. To her money equals love. Sad isnt it?
To her money equals
To her money equals love.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Exactly the point I just tried to get across to my DH. Somewhere along the line he/skids/BM decided that money=love. I told him that those kids will love him whether he buys stuff for them or not. After all, BM supposedly never has any money and rarely buys skids anything and they still love her.
People need to realize that you can't buy love. Don't get me wrong, I love to buy things for my son, but I hope that (when he's old enough) he'll appreciate the simpler things that SHOW love, like going for a bike ride together, playing a game together, making cookies together etc. Maybe I am just super old school but THOSE are the things that I enjoyed doing with my mother and those are the things I remember, not some fad gadget that I wanted for Christmas in 1982.
I agree that the kids think
I agree that the kids think money = love. So sad
I'm going to take notes since
I'm going to take notes since I am seeing my situation heading that way . . .
In my case it's the primary custodial parent who is the "no rules, no boundaries, buy you whatever you want" parent and we are the EOW parents who want to instill values and respect . . . I think it is BM being the disney-land parent and buying love - and SS is only two!
We are also the EOW parents -
We are also the EOW parents - that is why it is so hard - because if we try to instill the values and respect, the more they don't want to come over to dad's house - why would they???
My SD is the only one of BMs
My SD is the only one of BMs kids that she doesn't have full time, so she showers SD with whatever she wants. I'm concerned that the other kids there will not only resent BM, but SD for all the attention she gets. SD doesn't seem to mind that she isn't spoiled here. I think it will backfire in BM's face soon enough.
We have the same problem My
We have the same problem
My SS's 12 and 15, are spoiled rotten.
They have every movie, video game, video game system.......you name it.
And they wreck everything, or get bored of it then pawn it for something else.
It is sick.
Now mom lost her job, and has no money, but do the spending habits change.....No.....
and we get the same as you reeny511.......I can't pick up the kids, I have no gas money, I can't buy groceries, I can't buy school clothes.
Well, if you can't afford your kids, maybe you shouldn't have them...
HELLO.....
Why should we give OUR money to you......so YOU can stay home......and RAISE kids when we have just as much rights to them.
If you can't do it.......we can.
Was your XH materialistic
Was your XH materialistic when you were married to him? I just wonder if BM was like this when my DH was with her...I admit that I like to buy nice things to but there is a point when it is EXCESSIVE... Hell, I buy SS name brand clothes but now I can't even buy the right color... And do both SSs need their own XBOX360? The way I was raised that was a family present... They even get the exact same games because they cannot share...Can you believe that?? And I totally agree with the shoe thing...of course SSs got their $200 shoes for school. It really makes me sick.
I kinda have the reverse...BF
I kinda have the reverse...BF daughter is with us full time and she is horribley spoiled and entitled...the other day was my son's birthday and he wanted an $80 item from Best Buy which we took him to buy because it was some kind of computer deal that I wanted him to pick out. Of course she was crying and pouting because she wasn't getting anything. Of course her father bought her a Wii fit. Actually a more expense thing than what what my son got and it was his birthday. Needless to say it was damage control all day with my boy all day who couldn't understand that he couldn't just have one day that was his day...absolutely unreal. I was really pissed and BF knew it.