Santa comes to the house that the kids will be at on christmas eve night, i.e. the place they spend the night for christmas day. So this year since dh doesn't have them christmas day santa comes to bm's only. If santa comes for each kid how does he have time to come for all kids from blended families several times? He can only go to each kid once which is all the time he has.

I would buy her a smaller gift that has meaning .... and tell her she is lucky that Santa leaves gifts at all her parents houses. You could get her a jewellery box or a music box. I was 5 when I got my music box for my birthday. I LOVED that thing for years. And stocking stuffers and new PJs. There is no need to go overboard. Making the time with you special will be a reminder far longer than the biggest and bestest gift she will forget about by Feb 5th. Having traditions is more memorable. My grand daughter reminds me of things we need to do rather than what we need to buy.

Whatever BM tells her rests on her shoulders. You do what you think is right. If you want to go all out. Do it. If you want to scale back, do it. If BM wants to throw the Santa thing in your lap then she has to go along with whatever you do. Now isn't that a powerful thing to control? She is giving you the power as The Voice of Santa. I could really have fun with that title if our s/sons were younger.

"Santa comes three times for SD5. He came to our house last year, to BM's house, AND to SD5's biological dad's house."

I'm confused. SD5's BIOLOGICAL dad is NOT your fiance?

Oh ok I'm sorry I should have just read your profile. Ok I get it now. Damn that BM has a SWEET deal doesn't she? Your actually very nice to even agree to such an arrangement. Get SD5 a little 10.00 gift. Toys R Us is running some CRAZY sales. Some fuzzy pj's with fuzzy slippers from TJ Maxx or Marshall's would be awesome too.
Just so she knows Santa thought of her when he came to your house.

I had this discussion with my BF about my BD, I actually was the one saying, "uh no, Santa comes wherever you are on Christmas Eve." I was gonna just get her 3 items from me and she could open them when she gets back from her dads the day after Christmas, But he(my BF) talked me into doing the Santa thing at my house too. I wish I wouldnt have let him do that now. Last year she spent Christmas with me, this year is dads turn. I really dont see anything wrong with only doing Santa at one house. I Think I am flip flopping on this one. I am sure he (myBF) had some good points at the time for doing Santa at both homes, but I cant think of any of them now.... was prolly nibbling on my neck at the time , rotten little sneak

Why don't you just put from mom on them problem solved.

We have this issue at christmas and at birthdays (she use to celebrate 4 times, now I only do a small family dinner)

Last year I got upset Christmas morning. She tore through our presents pretty fast...really not appreciating a single thing. Then she looks at her dad and says can I go to mom's now. Mom buys the big gifts (got a 32" flt screen tv for her bedroom at the age of 7). I got her everything on her list and felt like she couldn't be bother with anything. I decided to buy only a few gifts this year. My family is overly generous and they give her tons. So my parents are bringing hers for christmas morning and she can open them with ours so she won't feel like the other kids got more (wouldn't want to upset princess)

its never going to be fair for your kid versus step kids. you just have to do what seems fair to you. our little one sees what the other kids get and we explain, the difference. our son has his real parents who are together. the other kids don't have that gift. it teaches tolerance. but also we spoil our son, so he does without anything.

We have a specific amount of money we spend for Christmas on the children as a whole. This dollar amount is split 4 ways leaving x amount to be spent on each child. So no matter what the gifts are we have spent the same exact amount of $$ on each. With age differences, it seems the littlest guy gets ALOT more stuff, because the others boys usually want items that are more expensive. One year my BS15 (being the oldest) only received one gift...bc the item on his list took his entire alotted amount. They are all ok with this way of doing things. We used to do Santa here and did not worry ourselves with how many times Santa showed up or where. We just do what we do for them and thats all that matters. This is somewhat different because we have none together, just my two boys and his two boys. His live with BM. We have celebrated Christmas on a different day in order to have everyone together for the event, and sometimes my BS open gifts Christmas morning and SS's open theirs when they get here. In that case, BS's are leaving when SS's are getting here..

I am soooo glad that someone else realizes this ridiculous inequity with skids. My dh has always felt like I shortchanged ss gifts. He expect ss to have just as much as my bios who get 1 xmas. Well, dh at least thought I shortchanged him until last year when I told him to buy ss's gifts himself and he bought him 1, a bike. (of course, the loving sm, that I am went out and bought ss more gifts to open). But yes, ss has xmas at bm's house. He gets gifts from bm's mom, from bm's grandma, from my parents, from dh's parents, from my aunt,from my bro and his family, and I believe also from his bm's former stepdad and from his bm's boyfriends parents, and possibly from bm's former husband. it is sorta ridiculous. I tried to explain all this to dh once but he felt gifts that ss got at other places weren't as good as the other kids get here at our home. He usually gets well over 100.00 in cash from his greatgrandparents on bm's side alone. OH, and wait I forgot-bm typically signs up for "free" gifts too from various agencies-how on earth she would qualify at this point is beyond me. She is employed, gets child support from 3 different men, and has a boyfriend that contributes to the household. SS is not coming for xmas this year so there will be no real gifts other than whatever my dh wants to get him and send him.

That is the problem across the board, skids and bkids alike.. It seems nobody, including us, follows the Naughty or Nice part of the tradition. If we did, there would be times that they all got NOTHING!!