...is what I heard before a 4 year-old tried to slam my own front door on me. This weekend was less than lovely.

Friday started out alright. I came home and spiffied up a bit before BF arrived with the kids and groceries for dinner. We were doing ribs so he was outside cooking on the bbq a lot, leaving me inside with the kids. They were not too bad, but FSS4 was a little hyper. He was throwing my favorite stuffed animal (silly I know, but it's from childhood), which I distinctly told him not to do. So I picked it up and did not give it back to him. I told him that he wasn't allowed to play with it because I had told him not to throw it and he didn't listen. He said, "It wasn't me Helena, it was somebody else." I just ignored him.

I was just worn out from the week and didn't really want to play like I normally would, so I got up to go outside with BF. When I reached the door FSS ran up to me, grabbed my sweater and asked where I was going. I said outside. He said, "No, don't go." I told him to let go of my sweater. He didn't let go. I told him again. He still did not let go. I became more stern in my voice and told him to let go now, and I tugged on the sweater and moved further outside. His whole face just changed then. He went from playful to something so vicious-looking and yelled "You're not the boss!" and tried to slam the door on me. I was caught completely off guard, but I managed to catch the door and hold it. My first instinct was to say "Yes I am," but then I checked myself. It's that horrible little line in my head that says "these are not your kids, don't overtep." So the only thing that fell out of my mouth was "Well YOU're not the boss."

I shut the door FUMING. I was so mad I couldn't talk. I was mad at him and even moreso at myself. I had so many different reactions that I wished I would have picked. I wanted to go back in there and set him straight. I wanted to make it clear that OH HELL NO a 4 year old does not slam my own door on my face and YES I AM THE BOSS in this house. I was so mad I was shaking; in all that though I was still afraid. I was afraid that if I did walk back in there I wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying all the things I was thinking, and I wasn't sure if I really should say all those things. I walked to the bbq where BF was and said I wasn't dealing with FSS that night.

BF eventually got the whole story out of me. He told his son that I was an adult and you never speak to adults that way. I guess FSS started bawling (he knew it was wrong and he knew BF was pissed). BF told me that he wished I would have gone with my first instinct, and he would have supported me. I felt mad at myself all over again. I am SO thankful that BF supported me here (I can't emphasize that enough), but at the same time I almost felt undermined. FSS was pretty good the rest of the weekend, but I didn't really get over it too well. I was high-stress and over-analyzing everything he said that could be perceived as disrespecting me. Every time BF emphasized that he was the boss I inwardly cringed, just because I knew that FSS also thinks that BF is the boss of me. He's probably too young to understand, and maybe that's best for now (at least BM isn't the boss of me), but man it really REALLY pisses me off.