Ummmm, return the glasses, have the benefit backed out, buy contacts instead and instruct the doc and optometry store to file charges against BM for fraudulent use of insurance or whatever charge applies.

You can call your insurance provider and inform them that the benefit was used fraudulently and that BM is not allowed to engage use of your benefits without your permission. This is not medical insurance that is being used for an emergency.

BM is likely not an authorized user of your benefits and if you choose to make a big deal out of this you can bring the wrath of insurance fraud down upon her head.

A 13yo should be able to handle contacts and for many sports they are much safer than glasses and allow for better performance.

I would have no problem frying BMs ass over this one though over all it is nothing more than her trying to be a PITA.

She just lost the courtesy of any notification of future eye related exams or purchases for SD ear piercings, salon trips for hair, nails, etc over this one IMHO. I would draw the line at tatoos until SD is 18, then I would offer her some very noticeable work .... just to piss off the BM.

If she wants to be a PITA, show her what a REAL PITA is.

That is what we do with the SpermClan.

We had a similar issue with the SpermClan when my Skid got a rusty fish hook in his leg during SpermClan visitation. They took him to the ER then put ME down as the responsible party since the insurance is in my name. They refused to pay the co-pay. The ER called me and I told them that since he is in their care anything not covered by the insurance is THEIR responsibility.

Ultimately we paid for the uncovered costs other than the co-pay but not after they spent several weeks dodging calls from and ultimately having several conversations with the fraud investigator from my health insurance provider. They called my wife very upset that they might have charges filed against them for insurance fraud. }:)

They still bitch about the co-pay.

We never sent them our half of that co-pay. Instead we deducted $20 for half of the Urgent Care co-pay from the ~$6,000 they have refused to pay for similar stuff and sent them the spread sheet showing that we had deducted the $20.00. A broken arm, two broken front teeth, two root canals, a bunch of various and sundry doc visits for fevers, zits, etc, a half dozen or so pairs of glasses and several hundred contact lenses.

We are about to file a law suit for the collection of half of all of the uncovered med expenses they have refused to pay over the years. We have consistently and repeatedly sent them copies of the receipts. Every time we got a new receipt we sent a copy of it and all of the others they have refused to pay. Since we did not stop asking for the money our attorney says we should collect on most of it.

I also threw in a bill for half of every penny I have ever spent on the kid just to freak them out. I figure a suit for $140,000.00 will scare them far more than a suit for $6000.00

I figure we will get a couple thousand and infinite pleasure in scaring the shit out of them and in pissing them off.

This is one I doubt that SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa will pay for the SpermIdiot.

there's GOTTA be something you can do. I think you should try what Rags said. she used YOUR insurance without your permission. and when I was 12 I begged my mom for contacts as well, I hated glasses I felt like a nerd, and plus I was in softball and the helmet we had to wear when batting always pinched my face where my glasses were and the sun sometimes made a glare. I cant believe bm did that to sd!

I don't think what Rags suggested will work. It sounds good. But I think the fact that she used the benefits for someone who is a covered dependent would negate the ability to file charges for insurance fraud. Fair or not, I just don't think you'll win that.

If she is the custodial parent, the court would likely side with her on the glasses vs. contacts issue. Again, it sucks. But the argument would be that as the primary custodial parent, she has the day-to-day responsibility of ensuring that the contacts are used properly. I've seen that work with something as simply as ear piercings.

I know you are frustrated....and very rightly so. But all you can do is try, right? And your SD knows that you tried.

I think what rags said will work out well for you. Do you have a CO? If you do, there should be something in it about medical appointments. You can't just schedule them without giving the other parent notice first. Especually if she is not the carrier of that insurance. I could understand if it was an emergancy. But no court in their right mind is going to allow this. At least one would think. You need to get documentation that you had already scheduled the appointment from the doctors office. I'm sure if you look through your phone records the call that you made will be on it. Hopefully it was done via text and you still have it where you notified her of the appointment.

You had no previous knowledge that this was going to happen, nor did you give her the okay to use the insurance. I say screw that bi!$t. You say that it's all about control. I say take the power back. Show her where her place is.

Another comment, the phone records may not show the conversation, but how often do you talk with her?

It'll be pretty convenient that the conversation took place after the appointment was scheduled and pretty hard for her to explain.