DISRESPECTFUL AND UNGRATEFULL BRAT!!
SS14 posted a comment on Facebook it said "you will all be surprised when I really do it! Feel like dying" My DH seen it and he calls SS14 to ask if everything was alright. SS14 has been having trouble at school being bullied. So, DH ask SS "is everything alright" SS "yeah it was just a joke" DH "you shouldn't joke like that and you shouldn't be posting things like that on FB for everyone to read, your aunt Jane saw it too and is concerned about you, maybe you should delete that" SS14 "oh okay". Then a few minutes later DH checks FB to see if he deleted those comments...would you believe he deleted DH from his friends list. :jawdrop: DH tries to call SS14 and he doesn't answer his cell phone. DH text him and says "It's alright to delete me from FB, but I didn't say or do anything wrong, just wanted you to know that ppl are concerned about you. I love and care about you. I am here for you" SS14 "I appreciate the concern but it seems like everytime I post a comment someone calls me about it all worried and that only makes me feels worse" DH "call me" SS14 never called and now he won't answer his phone. Other SIL calls and tells DH SS14 post a new comment "FB was meant to connect with friends so if I can't post what I want then what is reason for having a FB so let me post what I want!" Then a few minutes later his brother SS13 writes on FB "you can all suck my fat fat dick!!!!!!" It is late right now so DH is going to call SS13 in the morning to ask what the yeck is that all about.
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In my opinion i dont even
In my opinion i dont even know why all those people (entire family?) are on his FB friends list. It is personal and it is about him, and he should write whatever he feels like writing on it. If I had FB account I would select who i put on it, and i certainly would not put someone for who i have to take care what i write and what i dont write.
The kid is right, why does everyone jump to whatever he writes on that stupid website? Thats not the place to analyse his psychology though. Let him write whatever he wants to write, its his personal space. He should get no grief for immature crap he puts there. Its his.
I would not bother discussing FB with anyone. Just my two cents.
The trouble is - it is not
The trouble is - it is not personal space, it's public. If he made a statement like that, was ignored and then killed himself, other people would be on here saying: why did you ignore his cry for help?
And the child chose to accept his extended family as friends on his page, he didn't have to.
As a mother, I wouldn't ignore something my child posted like that. It is reasonable to express concern. It is also reasonable to try to educate your children on things like internet security, etiquette and being mindful of other people's feelings. That is a parent's job. IMHO.
WOW really it's okay to say
WOW really it's okay to say he wants to kill himself and noone say anything because it's his space?? Then after he is dead everyone say "I should have done something" You read about this stuff all time...teens killing themselves from being bullied.
I dont care what people write
I dont care what people write on FB really. Father and the mother should regulary actually talk with the kid to find out if there is something wrong with him or not. I know that if my parents jumped on me everytime i wrote something i would be deleting the whole thing altogether.
The trick is to talk, not follow his fb account. Thats all I wanted to say. I didnt mean to attack
As for accepting family on your FB account, some might not want to, but feel obliged to do so. Some FB accounts are actually private. If I only want one person to look at it, i will make sure noone else can see it.
But who said that his parents
But who said that his parents jump on him for every comment he makes? We are talking about one comment here.
And I absolutely agree with you that in a perfect world parents need to keep talking to their children as much as possible. But have you ever really tried to have an open and honest conversation with a 14 yr old - the last person they will completely confide in is their mother or father!
(We are on 4th - and last! - 14 yr old now).
So, how are you supposed to talk things through with your child when you only see him EOWE and he refuses to answer your phone calls, texts or emails? One tool we use in our house is Facebook, which means we read and respond to comments made by our children. We hope that when they have all left home, it will still be one of our points of contact in addition to phones & email.
Sorry, but I am going to
Sorry, but I am going to respectfully disagree. Facebook is not personal, it is not private, and no child of mine would have a Facebook page without not only having me as a friend, but me having the password. In this digital age, it takes only one click for a picture, a mean status, or a sexual message to get sent to their whole school. As a parent, I feel that it is my responsibility to monitor what is going on. Kids have no business posting things they don't want their future employer, school principal, or grandma to see. If they want to be personal, save it for a journal or diary. IMHO. I teach high school, and I see how vicious kids can be. I would also especially be monitoring if I thought that my kids were being bullied. In the last year, several kids have commit suicide from cyber bullying.
***LIKE***
***LIKE***
SS14 "I appreciate the
SS14 "I appreciate the concern but it seems like everytime I post a comment someone calls me about it all worried and that only makes me feels worse"
There, the kid said -every time- thats what i was implying to. I dont know, I would do it tactically. I would call and have conversation and not jump imediately about FB posting. I would talk and get understanding what the kid really feels, then i would mention fb comment. If you go head on, it wont do much good. With teenagers you have to know the tactics I assume.
SS14 was exaggerating. I
SS14 was exaggerating. I don't know about other family members but DH as only called him a couple times about things he has posted on FB. DH called before when SS14 post things about being bullied at school. What does SS14 expect ppl to do when he post things on FB, if you want ppl to mind their own business or not comment then don't post it. Is it just for attention or is it really a cry for help. How will DH know if he doesn't call to ask.
I agree with StepAside, and
I agree with StepAside, and thats exactly the reason why noone in my family has FB account.
I think the kid needs
I think the kid needs counseling. As for defriending Dad. Not acceptable in our house. If you want a facebook account, I have to be your friend. I even have BS password so I log in as him and can see everything. I check it every day to make sure nothing is going on. Also, use his password to check on SD14 since she moved out. She defriended Dad and BM doesn't watch her very well. I print anything I see and forward to the lawyers if it is deragatory.
Your DH needs to get the kid into see a counselor. If he is being bullied he needs guidance.
It's an impossible situation.
It's an impossible situation. How can you not take a suicide threat seriously? Your DH absolutely did the right thing.
All five of my kids have facebook accounts. They all friended me without my even having to ask. I rarely if ever post on their walls. I think they've pretty much forgotten that we are "friends" and that I can see everything.
I have their passwords as well. I don't check my college kid's page, obviously. And I don't check my 17 year old's (senior in high school) page. I don't have any reason not to completely trust him. I also don't check my 17 year old's (junior in high school) page. Again, she has never given me any reason not to completely trust her. I do check my 14 year old freshman's page simply because of her age. And I check my 8 year old's page every single day. And his privacy settings are very restrictive.
If I ever felt like I needed to check their pages, I would. I'm just really lucky. So far, none of our kids have given us any trouble at all. No drugs, no drinking (well, except of my college kid), no pregnancies, no trouble at school....nothing. They are all good students. And I know all of their friends. But if that ever changed, I reserve the right to go through facebook, email, computers, rooms, bags, etc... And they know that.