I Don't Want To Leave Him, Please Help

So this is now the second time that my BF's ex-wife has harrassed me via my phone. She started forwarding me text messages that she said were from my BF. They were very sexual and mentioned a particular day that he and I happened to spend the night out apart. I told her to show me the messages straight from her phone if they were in fact real. She then started telling me if I didn't believe it then she didn't care.

I don't want to believe that my BF would do that, just based on the fact that I know I make him very happy and I look a million times better than her. I tried to investigate if text messages could be tampered with and yes they can, when forwarded. So her reluctance to show me makes me think that she's lying.

Aside from that, she got upset with me because I didn't take her son to the doctor. My BF claims he got into a verbal fight with her and she was calling me a fat lazy b*tch, so he told her off and that is the reason she started sending me the forwarded messages.

I had had enough of her texting me and told her to step up to her responsibilities as a mother and grow up. She then sent a text for me to be downstairs because she was on her way. I went and she flew out of her car acting like she was trying to fight, screaming "I need to be a mother?!". A very ghetto scene on her part unfolded. I swear, she was screaming her head off while I just stood there staring at her in disbelief at what a spectacle she was making of herself. She didn't try to fight physically, she was all talk.

Anyway, my BF seemed to me to be begging her to leave, which in hindsight was a good thing. I think I was just so upset about the alleged text messages that I guess I expected my BF to ask her to give me her phone so I could see that she was lying, but he told her not to and told her to leave. All I remember was him telling her not to show me the phone messages. At least that's all I dwell on now.

Am I wrong for getting upset with my BF because he didn't have her show me the messages straight from her phone?

And any advice on how to get this psycho to leave me alone and get over jealousy?

What evidence do I need to get a restraining order if necessary? Or do you think a restraining order would just make my life worse?

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Am I wrong for getting upset

Am I wrong for getting upset with my BF because he didn't have her show me the messages straight from her phone?
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uuummmm...You do realize that it is probably 95% chance that he DID send the messages since he did not want her to show you right? At least that is my opinion.

How long have they been apart? It takes these daddys a long time to break free from the "mother of their children. Sorry.

They've been divorced for

They've been divorced for almost 4 years now, I believe. I don't think he would still have feelings for her. It was one of those let's get married cause I got you pregnant and you need immigration papers type of marriage. True, he might have loved her at some point, but I know I am more mature and responsible than she is which are the qualities that he says he truly looks for. And not to toot my own horn, but I look a million times better than she does.

And for the other comments, I tried to get the text history but my carrier told me they do not keep records of text history. I checked my BF's phone but the phone automatically deletes after so many days.

I want to believe she is lying because she is so manipulative and has done this before. I just feel like leaving my BF without solid proof is way worse than staying with the possibility he is guilty.

I do love him and he's a great man. The only real problem in our relationship is his ex. She is the most jealous woman I've ever met so I wouldn't put it past her to make all this up.

You probably just need to

You probably just need to follow your gut instinct. Its hard to say because we were not there. I know that my husbands ex wife is a manipulator and will do anything to break us up. She even called one night when I was making dinner when we first started dating and begged him to get back together with her. I was just standing there listening as he accepted the call and then went on talking to her for what seemed like forever. I ended up asking him to leave and get his sh.. in order before he tried to get me invovled. But we are married now. So I guess I won!!

I would not believe everything that comes out of an ex's mouth....

Who knows? it could be from forever ago and it meant so much to her that she saved it in her phone- and so it is true, he did send it... but not the other night like she is saying. or... I don't know.

Anyway, follow your heart. And maybe just ask him about it before you let your mind wander too much. Ask him straight forward.

Hope this helps.

I did ask him and he swears

I did ask him and he swears he didn't send them. He swears he would never get back with her. He swears it's me he wants to be with and he says he doesn't want us to fail because of her. I feel so bad because I know my heart says to believe him, but my brain is telling me to put that wall back up. I've been cheated on before and I wasn't in love with those guys like I am with my BF.
All I can imagine is how much those previous cheating experiences hurt, and how much (if it is true) this one will. I don't know that I can just walk away without wondering what if I was wrong and left the man that gave me his all?

IMHO, I would say your BF and

IMHO, I would say your BF and BM are not to be trusted. If BM was ready and willing to hand her phone over to show you the messages, but BF told her not to, then the only reason I can see for that would be that he has something to hide.

And don't ever think that just because you are better looking than someone that gives you the one up. My Ex-husband was cheating with a woman who was older than me, has a miniumum wage job, is well known as the town skank and in most people's opinion, is an ugly hag.... if I had a dollar for everytime someone said to me "What the hell was he thinking?? He traded down like 12 models!" I would be a bazillionaire. And it wasn't like we ever fought, or really had any issues.... I was totally blindsided by the whole thing. When alot of men cheat, I don't think it's necessarily to upgrade in the looks department, I really think it is more of an attention thing that feeds their fire.

As far as your restraining order question, tell her not to contact you ever and put it in writing via text or email. Then if she continues, take her messages to the police and they can nail her with harrassment.

But, since you are not married, I would say hit the high road, let these two be miserable together.. you deserve way better!

Thanks for the advice. I

Thanks for the advice. I really like the idea of all calls going to voicemail. That was a major problem with me, she would call and text for the smallest, most minute questions just cause she knew I was there with him.

Her outbursts only arise when she has to be a parent. This last one was because her son got sick and she had to drive 20 minutes on her day off to take him to the doctor. She was upset because I didn't take him.

Well if he wanted to be with

Well if he wanted to be with her, he wouldn't be trying to convince you to stay. So you have that.

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I know it's only my personal experience, but when my ExH was cheating, I was getting annonymous phone calls and annonymous letters from people telling me what he was doing and each time I point blank asked him and EVERY single time he denied it... flat out, made ME feel like I was the crazy person for even thinking such a thing. This went on for a year and a 1/2 before I finally got proof and booted his ass, hell I got pregnant, had a miscarriage, we went on vacations, to parties, weddings and life seemed fine all during this time that he was screwing around with the bimbo... Some men just want their cake and eat it to?? I still to this day don't know what the hell he was thinkinig/doing and apparently neither does he.... when I asked him why all he could tell me was "I don't know"

And not to toot my own horn,

And not to toot my own horn, but I look a million times better than she does.
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Oh girl...like this matters to most men? Sorry, but I get a bad vibe. I think that it takes "most" men at least 5 years to fully break away from BM, if they ever really do. Good luck and be very aware of what you are doing. How long have you two been together?

hmmm, interesting events that

hmmm, interesting events that unfold on your lawn with these two...because I am jaded and have had many experiences with an ex-h cheating and lying and manipulating me into believing everything he said though my gut and heart said differently, I am going to say go with what you feel and what your first initial reaction thought process was after the aftermath smoke withdrew. That is your answer.

last year, after me and my husband recently started dating (3 months of dating actually) his narcissist xwife sent a little nasty gram (text) saying that she was prepared to tell me everything if he didn't comply with her demands. My DH shared this text with me, and I asked...what is she referring to exactly? He started to tell me about a night in which he was watching the kids over her house (it was week two of us dating) when she arrived home tipsy from her night out with the girls and she came on to him and they messed around until he realized !!holly sh* this it all wrong!" and ran out of the house. As he was running out, I happen to call...he answered, my first initial gut reaction was OMG something just happened. That night he came over my house and I immediately asked him what happened that he was running out of the house. He said nothing. I asked if she came on to him and he said no it wasn't like that...etc. BS basically.

Three months later, she used it as a tool to blackmail him. BM knew exactly what she was doing...she knew he was seeing me...she knew we had plans together after he spent time with the kids. BM was attempting to keep some dirty secert in her pocket until she was ready to use it.

After a few weeks of healing and gathering all the details and by this point I already had a good idea who is BM was like, I deterimed that DH really really loved me and made an error (very big error) but it wasn't something that he wanted and BM didn't either, she just realized that she could be losing her source of extra income and babysitter. So, long story short...I forgave him, but will never ever forgive her.

Since we have gotten married and we have moved on from all the chaos that we are NAR or narcissist. By removing all verbal communication and by limiting our discussion about her or the skids. Since then, I have learned and even tested her and she is still attempting to "trade" herself for $ with her xhusband.

It hurts her and torments her more to see me with him, see us happy, new house, etc. than the thought of them kissing and throwing herself at him shouting "come over here and f me!" classy eh? after all, they had kissed for many years before me and we were only two weeks into our relationship.

Moral of the story...my gut told me to not run, to stay and things will work out. I did however, tell me DH - "if she doesn't "get it" in a year, she never will and we need to protect ourselves from her.

It's been a year...BM does not "get it". Just a few months ago I tested her and she was ready to have DH in her pants as she puts it "under the table dealings".

Yuck!

hmmm, interesting events that

It's been a year...BM does not "get it". Just a few months ago I tested her and she was ready to have DH in her pants as she puts it "under the table dealings".

Yuck!

oh I did forget to add, with

oh I did forget to add, with my xhusband...my gut told me RUN RUN RUN! and I should have. He was a whore. At the time of our separation, he had 5 women he was sleeping with and "dating". I believe he may have even had kids with the 1st nee, the one he cheated on me with 2 1/2 months after our wedding. The woman he is married to now.

I also agree with the person that said BM will never go away. If this is an issue with you, you need to really consider other options. Because it's very very real - BM do not go away and they can really create alot of chaos and stress in your life.

Ok first problem is going

Ok first problem is going outside. You didn't need to. You could have stayed inside and called to police. Grow up and don't look for confrontation.

He cannot MAKE her do anything with her personal property. Can he MAKE you show the contents of your purse to his ex wife? Same thing.
Cell phones cause more trouble than they are worth. Prove it! Prove it! Show me the money!. Basically you are asking the 'enemy' to be honest and open with you. Not going to happen is it?

As far as your bf.... get tested for a start for STDs. Then tell him to get tested to retore your faith. And lay it on the line. He will not ever hear or see you ever again if he even so much as holds her hand.

Some women will not let their past go. They feel the ex is their property and damnit they will get their pound of flesh everytime they want it. So unless you can disengage from his drama and he makes a real effort to minimalise her presence in your life then I would walk away and tell him he really needs to get his ex under control.

But Why on EARTH did you obey her instructions and go downstairs and outside? Are you REALLY as bad as she is? Let her stand there creating a scene and call the cops.

change your phone number, and

change your phone number, and send her certified mail telling her if she contacts you in any way for any reason again you'll file harrassment charges

IMO - your BM is full of

IMO - your BM is full of sh*t. If she had anything remotely concrete to show you, she would have. Our BM is the same way - can't keep her mouth shut. It's entirely possible your BF told her not to show you, so she'd just leave. Like our BM, yours sounds like she's quite pissed that you and your BF have created a life for yourselves, and she doesn't like that she's not the center of it.

Check your BF's cell phone usage on-line. Even though the carrier can't give you specifics for the text messages, there should be somewhere that states the date, and how many text messages were sent. Match that up with the date she says this all went down, and see if 2+2 equals 4.

Lastly, here's how you get BM to stop texting you - I've told a few people this trick (it works like a charm), the next time she sends you a text, respond back to her right away with:

"The customer you are trying to reach does not subscribe to this service. Thank you from AT&T".

You'll probably have to do it a few times before she believes it, but she'll stop eventually. And when it finally does sink in to her that you "can't" text her, and she stops, the peace and quiet is heavenly!

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I Don't Want To Leave Him, Please Help

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