Nasty 12 year old
:sick: Ok, my 12 year old step is just nasty. Thankfully only here every other weekend, but that weekend causes me to regret the whole blended family idea. 1st, her hair is long and strait and she just lets it hang down in her face, she only washes it when we make her so it's greasy, and then she won't brush it or do anything with it. 2nd, she doesn't wipe or flush. I know she doesn't wipe because their's never any toilet paper in the toilet and her underware is blackened, crusty and stanky. Literally crusty from front to back and the white underware is black. Obviously when she comes to us on Friday night, she stinks, when you walk into her bedroom the whole room reaks like gym shoes.
3rd, when you do convince her to take a shower, "do I have to wash my hair?" I can tell the soap hasn't been touched, nor has she used a washrag. (that's no biggie, but would help scrub a little) She has brown patchy marks around her neck from years of not bathing properly.
Now come on. Is it seriously the step mother's job to teach a kid how to wipe her @$$? And to bathe properly. She's too old for me to stand in there with her and show her how it's done.
And her father, well he's the over-indulgent type. That's a whole other blog.
So, I thought about bagging up the nasty panties and sending them to her mother with a note. "You should really teach your kid how to wipe and bathe properly"
Her mother is a very clean person, but totally into her own life. I think this kid has just been left to figure it out on her own, but the health risks alone are scary. Lord help when she starts menstruating....OMG.
So....talk to the Mother first? or shower with the 12 year old (who by the way is obese and 5'4") because her father won't talk to her about it.
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Comments
I wouldnt bring it up with
I wouldnt bring it up with BM. She obviously doesnt give a crap if her kid is clean or not.
Maybe you could try to talk to SD about how she is getting older and there is a need to staying clean for young girls. Just try to stay on her about it when she is at your house.
Good luck, she sounds pretty stinky
I had a problem with my SD13
I had a problem with my SD13 not washing her hair properly a few months ago. I told her that if she came out of the shower one more time with her hair not being washed right, I would be doing it for the next week, myself. For the next week or so, I looked at it every night when she got out of the shower, and believe it or not, she had washed and rinsed it like she was supposed to.
When she was 11/12, I had to have a serious talk with her aobut hygiene. She would go for days without showering (in the summer and on weekends.. during school she gets a shower every night, like it or not).. basically until we made her. And she didn't care to go out in public with her greasy hair plastered to her head. Finally, one day I let her go to the store with me looking like that and when we got home, before we got out of the car, I asked her.. 'What would you have done if one of your friends from school saw you like this?' She just gave me the deer in the headlights look. I explained that it's not ok to go out looking dirty, and asked what would happen if she went to school like that. She got the point, and we didn't have too many problems making her get showers on the weekends after that. Occasionally, she still needs some prodding, but she's getting better.
You obviously are the only person bothered by these issues, which means you're obviously the only one who might ever be able to teach her that it's not ok. I realize that it's BM's job to teach the girl about hygiene, but it doesn't sound like that's happening. If you give a shit, have a talk with the girl. At least then you can say you tried.
Oh,her dad and brother have a
Oh,her dad and brother have a problem with her too, but she's too stupid to give a shit as you put it. Then you have the over indulgent father that would just hate to hurt her feelings, so if you say anything to her and she gets a little emotional, I'm the bad guy. As far as taking her out into public, it's embarassing, and "she's only 12 years old" doesn't cut it. So basically, I just try to avoid being available on the weekends she's around. That way he can spend time with his nasty daughter and (selfish and probably immature of me) no one makes the mistake that she's my child. It's a reflection on the parents. I have said things to her before, but she just acts all 6 year old and pouts, but doesn't do anything any different. Her father would hate to embarass or discipline her for fear she won't like him anymore. PULEAZE! Then if she goes back and tells her mother any thing negative, she goes all monster bitch on my husband. URGH, Calgon, take me away.
Call CPS. It's a major
Call CPS. It's a major problem if she's really as dirty as you describe. If a CPS investigation doesn't get BM & BF's attention, I don't know what will.
Nope, After having the SD for
Nope, After having the SD for the summer, I actually talked to her mother about her poor hygiene issues and the blackened underwear. She denied that she had started and so did the SD. Also, there are never any stains on jeans etc. It's obvious when there is never any TP in the unflushed toilet where the problem is. I guess I just don't want to be the one to embarrass this kid. I think it's her mother's job. But obviously, her mother isn't making any impact on the situation, and God knows her father won't take his head out of the sand to discuss such things.
seriously, do we have the
seriously, do we have the same skids? my dh and i finally told youngest sd to start keeping her hair out of her face or it's ALL getting chopped off. she did now if we could get them to actually use the shampoo and condt we'll be doing alright
Well, you tried talking to
Well, you tried talking to BM. That failed. Next step? Sit down with the SD and DH, and explain what the standard of cleanliness is. Don't settle for any less.
When she gets to your house, she immedietely showers. Washes, conditions hair, washes face, shaves, etc. Puts on clean clothes. Let her know that you see everything that goes through the wash. Start culling out her "blackened undergarments" and having her handwash them in a tub with oxyclean before they go through the wash. She will only have to do this a few times until she figures out how to wipe her ass. Give her very clear instructions on wiping front to back, and put wet wipes in the bathroom, with instructions that anyone that flushes then down the toilet will be executed.
Also, if she comes out of the shower and isn't clean, she goes right back in until she gets it right. She doesn't eat, doesn't sit on the couch to play games or watch TV, doesn't have any cell phone or computer access, etc, until it's done. Nails clipped, clean hands. Deoderant. Clean clothes. Kempt hair. The works. It's not too much to ask.
Threaten to start posting pictures of her skidmark on Facebook if you don't see some real effort. Poop isn't funny, and I wouldn't take it lightly that somebody else expected me to clean up their poo.
I so wanted to do that!
:jawdrop: I so wanted to do that! Take a picture of her "skid marks' and post it on her facebook. I'm just afraid that would be crossing the line, but i seriously did it in my mind. I also thought about taking her picture when we go to church "dressed up" with the caption "X:rsib goes to church". But you know, her friends see her that way all the time, but it might embarrass her mother enough to do something. Anyway, I've had 2 weeks off from her and this morning I started dreading the weekend. That's so sad! I hate feeling this way about a child.
Crap, now I need a cookie.
SD was 11ish, DH would pick
SD was 11ish, DH would pick skids up and he could smell urine, her hair would lay in strings. We contacted BM, and literally she says:
Well I encourage her to bath at least every other day, and to change her underwear. If you don't like it I guess you need to make sure she showers at your house.
Ok, as a kid, we bathed during school every night, we usually didn't have to take a bath on Friday night/ Saturday and were back into the routine on Sunday. IF we had been playing hard and were dirty we bathed (or had somewhere to go).
However DH was mortified. She was obviously having issues. We bought tea tree shampoo (that cuts the dirt)- she was made to come in on Friday night and immediately take a shower. DH checked her hair, if it wasn't done well enough she was sent back into the shower. twice of that and she washed well.
Honestly, I think she needed the expectations and parameters set. I think she needed someone that would care if she was clean. We grilled her pretty hard - and I am sure it was held against us and that we will be on "opera" one day for the damage we did.
Yep, she only has to bathe
Yep, she only has to bathe every other day there too. Gross. And her mother doesn't do her laundry, the maid does, so...as long as the poor kid doesn't interfere w/ her mother's busy life of being her son's (SD's Brother btw) mother, she pretty much goes unnoticed.
If her dad doesn't say
If her dad doesn't say anything about it, I would confront him first. I would either make her take a shower before bed or get her up in the morning at the same time Every DAY. Then, I would show her how to do laundry. Make sure she has plenty of underware at your place, brand new ones, and make her wash a load of clothes every other day. My nine year old is helping me with the laundry, and I also have to tell both her and my 12 year SD to take showers or they will also just lay around in their own filth. It is an issue in lots of homes apparently! About the wiping and flushing.... look up pictures of diseases related to poor hygiene, Hepatitis A, CDiff, and others. Make her look at the pictures too and explain to her why it is so important to wash your hands, wipe, flush, and clean your body. That might just scare her into it!