And it starts with the clothes already
Lately, I've seen quite a bit of discussion on BMs packing too small, dirty, inadequate, etc. clothes for the skids. FDH picked up FSS from BM today and, lo and behold, she packed him one pair of shorts, one shirt, and like five pair of pants. No underwear, no socks, not to mention that FDH told me it's been 90+ degrees there since he's been there - and BM packs him pants?! FDH also specifically told her he'd like to take FSS swimming, could she please pack a pair of swim trunks. BM's answer, "We don't go swimming, so he doesn't have any." Really? In GA, you don't go swimming? Whatever. *sigh* So it begins . . .
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Oh yeah. FDH and I have
Oh yeah. FDH and I have already had this talk. Honestly, I was totally expecting something like this from BM. She's completely self absorbed. When they split, she packed up everything in the house that was hers and everything in the house of FDH's that was of any monetary value. What she left behind was FSS's bed, clothes, and toys; she "didn't have room" in the moving truck to fit them. So yeah, we will buy him a nice, but cheap wardrobe for here and not one damn thing will go back with him to BM's house.
To an extent, I agree. I
To an extent, I agree. I mean, I wouldn't expect her to pack 3 month's worth of stuff for him, and we did plan on buying him clothes. The issue is with the fact that FDH is staying in GA for a few more days before coming home (will fly in on Mon.). He can't exactly buy the kid a wardrobe there and haul it all the way back here. It would have been considerate of her for FSS (obviously, I don't expect her to be considerate of FDH) to pack him a few changes summer clothes and some basics like socks and underwear since she knew for a fact that FDH did not have any of these items for FSS. There has been no communication between the two adults involved (her catch phrases for the past almost two years have been "talk to my lawyer" and "well, the judge will have to decide."), so FDH had no idea what size clothes the kid wears, what size shoes, etc. No way to prepare and BM knew that.
I could not agree less! CS
I could not agree less! CS is to cover the expenses for a child and that includes CLOTHING! There is no reason why someone who pays CS should have to go purchase clothes that will be used 2-3 times as kids grow so fast...of course, the intent is for the person paying CS to not only purchase clothes, but to send them to the ex's house in the same clothes because he'll feel bad that they wasted money on clothing that is used 2-3 times at most!
I say if the BM didn't send appropriate clothes, you do nothing. And any parent who sends their kid to ANYONE's house, including their EX with the intent of "the other person should buy them clothing" is a pathetic parent who is more concerned with their own money, than with their kid having appropriate clothing when they go out. Sorry, but I don't buy it. That is what CS is for.
WORD. That's what CS is for.
WORD. That's what CS is for.
Parents should provide for
Parents should provide for their kids when their kids are with them. I've always thought that sending a child with a suitcase just underscores to that child that they are nothing more than a visitor at their parents home, that they don't really 'belong'. And that disgusts and saddens me.
Why does this sadden you? The kids know they don't live with that parent full time so in a sense they are visiting, or living there short term. Why wouldn't they have to bring clothes with them? If you as the parent act like its some big awful thing that proves they are unloved, then the child will feel the same way too. If you treat it like the logical, matter of course situation it is, then the child won't put a negative conotation on it.
My husband and his ex never
My husband and his ex never sent clothes back and forth, my ss would come in one outfit for the weekend and my DH would change him when they got to his place and put him back in the clothes he came in when he went back to his BM's. They did this for summer vacation to. I think it works, for us anyway, I wouldn't want him to dress the way she does when he goes out with us. I thought it was funny last year though when she called at the end of summer and asked us if she could have some of our clothes to start the school year because she was short on funds........we said NO. She makes 3times what my DH makes and gets child support ....plus to top it off she had just gotten back from a month long vacation...she could buy clothes she just didn't want to.
briarmommy- you're situation
briarmommy- you're situation sounds exactly like mine! The BM makes a significantly larger than income than my DH and gets 1312 in child support! That's more than what he gets in his pay check after CS is taken out. She lies to the courts and everyone else and it gets so annoying that she always gets her way. OH and with all that money she buys cheap clothes at walmart for the kids and all of her rock climbing gear and things for trips and whatever else she wants through the CS money. Every other weekend we have the kids and every time we have them the SD6 throws at least 4 temper tantrums a day because she can't get her way (in part because BM doesn't give her anything)
I have to admit I have never met a more selfish human being than the BM - she tries to turn her kids against their dad - saying, "you should rethink living with and seeing daddy" --- What mother says that to their 6 year old daughter?
We definitely don't send
We definitely don't send clothes back and forth. SS has his own room with his own stuff and his own clothes at our house, just like he has at BM's.
Of course, our situation may be different, as we get SS EOW. Sounds like y'all don't have that arrangement, since your SS lives in a different state.
I agree with everyone else though.. go to some consignment shops, yard sales, goodwill, etc.. you'll be surprised at the amount of clothing you can get for very little money.
Hell, I buy both my Skids clothes at consignment shops & yard sales. Especially for the summer. They are both growing like weeds and if I went out and bought everything new, it would cost a fortune!
Try not to be too upset about it. BM may be a witch, but it's not SS's fault. And for crying out loud, please don't do what some have suggested and get him nothing, making him walk around in jeans in 90+ degree weather. Don't stoop to her level...