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How to stop a step child from becoming a whiny brat!?!?!?!

lovemyhubby's picture

My hubby has two daughters ages 8 and 10. The 8 year old is a pretty easy going kids but boy let me tell you - the 10 year old is a little whiny brat- I know - it sounds mean but I really believe she says and does things for attention.

I think she enjoys getting yelled at so she can get in moms car after our visits and whine and say how mistreated she is..........Its funny how the acting up begins mostly right before mom picks her up so she leaves crying from our home because she just got yelled at. Last Thursday she left upset because she got yelled at for not being able to find her clothes that belonged to her Mother. She looked and "looked" and looked but low and behold couldnt find them. Finally hubby found them right in plain sight. I know, trivial things but she will then get in Mom's car and say "I dont know why daddy yelled at me." In a quiet little sad voice.

Very smart kid! Let me tell you - she will say things or ask questions about things that she knows are sensitive and will hurt you. She asks my hubby constantly about his adoption (he is so sensitive about it and she has seen him tear up about it) and even wrote under a picture of his adoptive mom at school - this is my grandma - she isnt my dads real mom. She knows that gets him sad especially since she passed away 10 years ago. WTF??? I know kids will be kids but it is so obvious she says things to hurt people or upset them.

There are certain things my hubby doesnt allow the girls to do like have soda. Mom lets them - no big deal - her house thats fine - yet my step daughter will come back ALL them time and rub it in how much soda she has had over the weekend. (btw we have them Monday through Thursdays)Little things like that to get hubby going and watch him get upset. I finally told her - listen we dont want to hear about it so please lets not talk about it - yet she keeps bringing up how she had sodas. Pushing buttons again!

She seems to love negative attention. What do you do about that?? How do you stop this need for pitty on her part. Sometimes it seems like if we are out doing an activity - say its play at the park - she will purposly not be able to do something like the slide because she is "scared" and then cry hysterically. Its obvious she can do the slide cause she had before but then suddenly changes and cries. One time we took them hiking and she REFUSED to climb a very very small hill and went into hysterics and made a scene. We litteraly dragged her to the car. Then a few weeks later we went to a ball game and on the way into the game she wanted to roll down a grassy hill that was more steep - so i said "hey - why isnt that scaring you" She just looked at me like oops ive been caught!

What would you all do? I thought about a therapist but to be honest I feel like she is they type of kids who would EAT that up! I know it sounds mean to say that - and i feel bad saying it but - its how I feel.

Has anyone ever had this problem???

Comments

Anonymous's picture

I was a stepchild and have one of my own I hated my step dad because he wasnt my dad and he just did stuff that would get on my nerves so i would whin to my dad and he would get made but it wasnt the people being mad at me it was change in my life it wasnt really him

Mocha2001's picture

One thing I have learned is that we cannot control what the other parent does in their household. All we can control is what goes on in our own. Likewise, we cannot worry about what falicies the children will make up to the other parent, only the realities the child faces are what is important.

I think the best way to handle your SD is to ignor her when she is seeking the negative attention. When she says "I had two sodas a day at mommy's this weekend." Just look at her and say "thats nice." If she does something that really warrants discipline ... try and figure out what is most important to her. Try not to yell, but rather take things away.

DH shouldn't be getting upset about being adopted. If it still bothers him that much maybe he needs to see a couneslor. And he should just walk away from SD when she starts talking about things like that and saying things. Also, you need to start asking SD why she brings things up that she knows hurts people ... try and find out the root of the problem. Tell her it's not nice to be mean and hurtful to others, and maybe start taking things away when she is intentionally being mean to someone.

I think all in all the negative attention seeking behavior shoudl be ignored as much as possible. Show her that you still love her even if she is exhibiting bad behavior. Find a way for punishment that will affect her, make her think about her actions, and then talk to her to find out why she is doing what she is doing.

~ Katrina

happy's picture

She knows that when she brings stuff up to your husband on purpose that he is going to get upset, and it works, right? so when she does the whole adoptive thing, soda whatever, don't look at her, act like she is not even there. She will get sick of the non-response and finally be quiet about it. So I think that you should just ignore her.
When I was little and I am talking a baby, I used to throw temper tantrums to where I would hold my breath and pass out, turn blue the whole bit, well one day I did and my mom said her and my dad freaked out and took me to the hospital, so they admitted me for a whole week. All that and the Dr. called my mom and she came in and he said there is nothing wrong with her, she is perfectly fine. Now the next time you tell her no and she starts doing that leave the room everyone, and see what happens. Well it happened, they left the room and I just followed her and was screaming pulling at her pants, and no reaction from her made me stop.. I never did the holding of my breath again. I did get the attention anymore.

Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

michiel923's picture

The most parents the sound of a whining child is the equivalent to fingernails dragging on a chalkboard or the whir of a dentist's thanks for sharing the information.
Regards,
Jack - stop kids whining