Am I just a mean ol' bag of a SM??

SD12 has been asking for a room of her own which I would gladly give her since her and her brother are sharing one right now. We only get them once, maybe twice a year since their dad works out of State and when he's home, that's when we get the SKids for about a week.

I have tried fixing up her side of the room very girly with a nice table, cute girly lamp, and nice things on her walls. In addition, I bought her a really cute shelf with drawers that she can put her things into. She also has a closet that she can hang her clothes in. Additionally, she also has an adorable bed with girly bedding.

When she unpacks, she hangs her things in the closet which is great, but by day two, nothing is hung up, but laying all over the floor in her closet. In addition, after the first night, her curtains were all hither nither (as she was playing with them with her feet!!), and by the second, laying in a heap on the floor as she'd not only torn them off the curtain rod..but bent the curtain rod so bad, it was garbage!! The lamp was laying on it's side, and the nice tablecloth was stained with orange soda (that was probably a mistake anyway..I should have known better and just bought a laminated cheapo table from Walmart..)

Stupid me..

I've done the same thing with her brother's side of the room, trying to make it the way he'd like it with camo curtains, camo bedding, etc. That too ends up in a heap on his floor, the bedding being understandable, but the curtains?? What the HELL is up with these kids and playing with curtains with their FEET??!

I make exceptions for him as he's a teenager(15)and LIVES in camo shirts, so I figured the camo stuff would be right up his alley. The only thing I ask of him is that his dirty laundry be thrown in the laundry basket when I do laundry and I give the "fam" plenty of notice when I'm going to do a load.

Don't think that's too much to ask...however, last time I did laundry when they were here, figured SS had followed directions and that he had jeans in the wash. While folding everything I realized that nope..he did not and thought to myself, "Screw it..he was told". Next morning he yells down the stairs, "Where are my clean jeans? I don't have any clean jeans!!" Told him that if there weren't any in the laundry, then he didn't have any clean jeans."

Of course he went to his dad and for once, Dad went into their bedroom and was appalled at the mess. For once I heard him discipline his kids and tell them what a dump they'd made their room and to get it cleaned up, which of course they had every excuse under the sun for.

So hubby comes to me and says, "Could you do ONE more load of his jeans so he gets off my back??!"

Of course sweetie pie..grr!!!

I ended up going into their room and picking up all SS's dirty laundry in addition to SD's (she'd thrown all the clean stuff I'd left on her bed in a big mess on the floor), took all of hubby's dirty laundry from the dining room table (which he has a habit of hanging it..again..ugh!!)

Why he doesn't undress upstairs in the bathroom (where the laundry basket is!!)..since that's the first place he stops before he comes to bed ANYWAY!!

UGH!!

The laundry got finished but I was absolutely LIVID (since the deal WAS...if I did yet another huge load of what nobody threw in the FIRST one..they could ALL help fold it and put it away..), which they agreed to. After laundry was dry..they were all sitting at the table on the internet of course..I felt like dumping the entire load right there but just said, "Laundry's done." and hubby says, "K.." while the rest of the kids followed suit and ignored me. Again..I should have done the bitchy thing..dumped it all over the table and said, "Have at it..put it away too.."

I spent over an hour folding all their shit, laying it on their beds, etc.

After that I spent the rest of the evening upstairs in my happy place...not because I was angry anymore..but just plain tired of their antics.

Hubby came into the bedroom a bit later and asked if I was angry with him. I told him that this just wasn't a place where they all come for vacation..this is our HOME, we are a FAMILY, and even if they didn't come here that often, it would be nice if they all pitched in to make it one. Nobody offered to help with the laundry. Nobody does the dishes..they just leave them in the sink for ME to do while they sit at the kitchen table surfing the damned net, etc.

First off, my hubby said, "All you had to do is ASK.." My reply was that I shouldn't HAVE to ask..they looked right AT me walking through with yet ANOTHER load of laundry and pretended to be too engrossed in their damned internet!! AGAIN..this is supposed to be our home..we're a family..and there's no reason why all of you can't kick in". I then added that they acted like I was the maid as they vacationed and that I'd like to enjoy our vacation also.

My hubby actually replied, "WE are on vacation..I am and so are the kids. You don't work so how can YOU be on vacation??!"

My reply was, "So that's what this is all about?? My not working?? And since the THREE of you are ALL on 'vacation', you three get to trash the place and it's my JOB to either pick it up or put up with it, do the dishes, do the laundry, make sure there are clean towels in the bathroom, etc?? This isn't the damned Holiday Inn and I am not the maid for the three of you.."

His reply was, "Well how much trouble is it for you to do a load of laundry/towels once in awhile??" and then came back with, "FINE..next time we'll STAY at the Holiday Inn.."

I told him to knock himself out and they could trash that place instead.

I wanted to smack him!!

The last time the kids were here, they totally trashed their room and SD12 was the worst!! Could barely get in the room without walking on something and when I did laundry..I couldn't even get CLOSE to SD12 closet there was soo much crap laying in front of it!!

My hubby suggested that maybe she'd take better care of her things if she had her own room, but I begged to differ and put my foot down. Told him I was not going to take the time to fix up a nice room for her if all she was going to do was trash it.

They'd not only trashed the room, but pulled the curtains off the rods, bend the rods so bad they were garbage..along with messing up the expensive blinds I'd hung. Bent the crap out of them so bad I just wanted to go in there and rip them down..throw a towel over the window, and just say, "There ya go...pull down THAT with your feet and leave the window WIDE open for everyone to see you !!"

I took the tablecloth off and took the curtains down. I don't hang her clothes in her closet (since I can't even GET to it!!), but merely lay them folded on her bed, only to find them scattered all over the floor.

My feeling is that she's 12 and should be able to somewhat take care of her things yet most get abused and broken. The drawers to the dresser I bought her don't slide in right anymore (which she uses as an excuse for not putting her clothes in them), due to her slamming them in and out and I just refuse to buy her anything else nice until she learns to take care of her things.

Makes me sooo angry when I take the time to do all these nice things for them and they just abuse them. She constantly has to use things for something other than what it's made for..is constantly "fiddling" with the blinds on her windows (which I paid a pretty penny for also thinking if I bought something durable..they wouldn't destroy them), but it looks like those will have to be replaced also.

Screw it!! Let them live with broken junk as if I say anything, they just roll their eyes anyway while Daddy's excuse is, "They're just kids.."

I can understand a room getting trashed, but to go after the curtains, window blinds, etc., that just takes the cake and makes me more than a little angry.

The last time the SKids were here SD asked again if she was ever going to get her own room. Again, there is NOTHING that I would love more than to help her put together a really neat room but I told her, "When you learn to pick up the room you have NOW..I'd love nothing more honey, but you have to learn to take better care of your things." Her reply is always, "Well I'll try not to wreck the room we put together.." which means NOTHING when it comes to this family as I hear the same from my hubby after I've spent weeks making the house "just so" and have spoken to my hubby, "Please please PLEASE don't make a mess of the house..put things back where they belong..and we'll all have nice week together".

Of course his reply is, "We'll try not to" and then, "But ya know it's gonna happen.." as if he throws all responsibility to the wind regarding anyone except me cleaning anything up or taking care of things around here..and THAT'S where she gets it from.

Something gets wrecked or broken and their excuse is always, "I didn't mean to.."

Of course they didn't mean to wreck it..but carelessness runs rampid in this family. Oh well, it got broken. Lays on the floor after they leave, only for me to find it later. UGH!!

She WILL get her own room but it'll consist of a place to hang her clothes and just simple cheap blinds on her windows. I'll move the dresser she wrecked in there, along with her bed. In addition, maybe I'll hang a few cheap things on her wall along with putting the stained table in her room (without a tablecloth so she can't wreck that too). When she learns to take care of her things, her and I will try again but until them..I'm at a standstill.

Regarding hubbies remark that THEY were on vacation, but I wasn't since I don't work, after the kids left we had this huge discussion and I told him how I felt. His reply was, "Fine..next time the kids and I will just stay in a hotel.."

I told him, "Knock yourself out as I'm not a maid here, and NO, it's NOT my job to pick up after all of you while you "vacation" here. It's NOT my JOB to make sure that there are towels in the bathroom and that the kids have clean clothes. I am more than happy to do ALL of the above but what I am NOT going to do is go searching for laundry in their mess of a room..I will no longer make beds (his comeback was..and you shouldn't...thanks for THAT reprieve honey..oh boy!!), yet his daughter has allergies and is allergic to pet dander (while we have a Golden Retriever that sheds like CRAZY)!! I do my best but when she leaves her coat on the kitchen floor..her clothes and bedding all over the floor in her room..how in the world am I supposed to keep her skin from breaking out??!

I don't mind doing all the dishes they leave the previous day every single morning, but I do them. This means UNPILING all the dirty ones they've PILED in the sink (and running a little water in them so that by the time I get to them every morning..they're disgusting!!). Nobody pays a bit of attention as I stand there doing piles and piles of dishes and what I can't figure out if how three people can make such a pile of dishes in a few hours when we go out to eat every night??

I guess where there's a will there's a way, huh??

I try soo hard to make things right and I guess I'm one of these people that tends to try TOO hard sometimes. However, if they came into a house that was messy, left unvacuumed, undusted, and not perfect..they'd have something to say about that too.

So I told my hubby, "Thing is..why DON'T you all go stay at the Holiday Inn next time as whatever I do here isn't good enough anyway. This is NOT the Holiday Inn...this is OUR home..and if we're going to be a family, you're going to have to talk to "your kids" (as how DARE I say a word..he told me a lonnng time ago that I shouldn't discipline..I do it all wrong..) about pitching in.

I told him I felt like a sidekick and if they were going to stay here ever again, I'd be sure to make out a Customer Survey asking how their stay was. As he rolled his eyes and told me I was being oversensitive.

Seems to be his answer for anytime I get upset. He's right..and I need to lighten up and, "It's not that big a deal..really.."

Yeah..ok.

Thing is..

I'm supposed to look forward to when he comes home and when we have the kids, but I get such horrible anxiety from trying to make everything perfect before they get here..trying to make everything perfect while they're here, etc., while I get little to no appreciation much less any respect for what I do.

All they seem to do is complain.

Maybe I have it all wrong and I SHOULD be doing all these things for my family without complaining and maybe it IS my job.

All I know is that, again I love his kids like my own, however, I guess my expectations of how a child should act at a certain age are much different than his are. He makes excuses for them while I would like to raise children to respect their things, not have smart mouths, do what their told, etc.

However, I've come to realize that, although they're my stepkiddos and we're SUPPOSED to be a family, they're HIS kids and as puts it, "They already have a Mom and a Dad..what they NEED is a BEST FRIEND..and that's YOU'RE job.."

When I questioned him on that he told me that I was such a great stepmom..and better "Mom" than their own Mom in his eyes. Told me I was the best "stepmom" he could have ever chosen for his kids"

But my job is to be their friend...and a stepmom..but not the kind of stepmom that disciplines or says anything derogatory to them as they need to be disciplined in a "certain way" and I did it wrong. SD is sensitive and needs to obviously be treated with "kid gloves".

Thing is, I see SS acting out, just LOOKING for some reaction from me since he gets none from his dad. I've learned to react about certain things such as the mess he leaves in the backseat of the car. Dad told him to pick up his mess and he just left it there. I though, interrupted him from his video game and said, "Do me a huge favor and clean out the mess in the backseat, hon..it's just gross." Few hours later he was out there with a garbage bag and cleaned it up.

Sometimes I get good reactions like that..and other times I get nothing..as I revert back to picking up his pants and throwing them in the laundry. Dad asked. Should have been me I guess..maybe I would have gotten results.

It's tough and I do my best. I know kids will be kids and they will test you no matter what age they are. They already know Dad is a weak tit and ignore him. They know he'll do nothing..if he even notices, he's so engrossed in Reddit half the time.

I do the best I can but it's soo very frustrating and beyond frustrating. I've finally come to the decision that if I have to raise and teach these two wonderful kids in my own secret ways..I will.

Sometimes are good..sometimes are bad. I do the best I can, but there is no book written for stepmoms. Most of the time I still feel like a sidekick..walking on eggshells all the time and always looking for approval.

Am I the only one that feels this way?