Gotta love the in-laws....
Ugh! I am so frustrated with the whole lot of them. The best thing is that they do not live near us. But, they sure do not understand family loyalty to their brother. I blogged about this before and BM sending SD15 to DH's family for two weeks this summer. Well they apparently enjoyed themselves and have no problems posting all the pictures on Facebook. My SD15 has no relationship with her father and no one calls her out on the pain she has caused. Instead we talk to BM and have her come for a visit. They spent obviously a ton of money on her and did numerous things with her. Posting the pics on Facebook is cruel to her Dad. I just don't understand everything that has gone on with the CO modification and SD suing us, has no impact on any of them?
She is a manipulative brat that BM was trying to figure out a way to keep busy. But, why send her to the family you walked away from when you divorced DH and then have sued him now 3 times.
I sent a message to BIL asking him to take down the pics because they were hurting us and just twisting the knife to his brother. It was probably wrong to do. Accused him of having no family loyalty. I am done with this family. They do not understand the situation and they are choosing not to.
Why does everyone not say anything to this brat and what she has done? No one. I am the only one that keeps feeling this way. It is making me insane. I am getting bitter. She can never come into this house (not that she wants to) because I can't let go what she did to us and what she has cost us financially and emotionally. My marriage has suffered horribly. I just want out.
There is more to this story, with SIL who has also posted pics, but I can't even talk to her. Briefly, SS12 and BS16 were supposed to go to visit her later this summer, but now I have stopped my son from going. SS12 is still going because his mom planned it on her week. She tried to do it on ours and have DH pay for it but that was a hell no and it was a condition of SD getting to go visit DH's family. She didn't even think about SS. Needless to say, SIL couldn't promise in an email that she wouldn't discuss SD14 with SS and BS while they were there and hostile emails exchanged. So rather than send my son into a environment that I can not buffer, I am not sending him. I will take him somewhere else. Again BM has caused a mess that I have to clean up. So tired. I never thought in my wildest dreams that my in-laws would choose a child over their own sibling. Don't anyone tell me maybe they thought they could get through to her. Yeah right!!! She has been home for a week and hasn't contacted her father. They have seen each other three times in the last 18 months. Last time was to get her birth certificate so she could get her learner's permit. She told him she really had no reason to contact him again...
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Yea, my in-laws are annoying
Yea, my in-laws are annoying too. My FIL praisees SS for sleeping around. Saying "Thats my boy". WHy do they want to create problems for us?
I do not get these people.
I do not get these people. My siblings have driven me crazy over the years, but they would never have taken a call from someone I was divorced from. Thankfully my first DH died years ago, so that is not an issue. But, I had problems with my first in-laws knowing boundaries. We fixed it all before and after he died. But, I am too damn old to deal with in-law issues again. No more am I going to sit back and let them walk all over my DH and myself. I feel bad for my husband since he is the one related to these people. But, me I am not dealing with them anymore.
Its good you can ignore them.
Its good you can ignore them. I need my MIl for babysitting because money is tight. Not what I want but I have no choice. She obviously favours SS and always makes excuses for him, even when he is in the room. It just undermines what we want to instill in him. It drives my husband crazy. But beggars cant be choosers. We need her to look after our kids.
Thankfully they live in three
Thankfully they live in three different states...But, my issues are Facebook. I do not want to block them, because I need to see what is going on with SD15. If it gets uglier, I will have no choice. But, I said my peace to both of them and how they are treating their brother by indulging SD and BM. I am starting to accept that no matter what I do I will be wrong in someone's eyes. I can't win, so why should I keep trying. The shame is that DH won't say anything to any of them. There is so much disfunction in that family.
But, know this they are not coming into my home and I will not spend any more money on vacations to see these people.
I really cannot understand
I really cannot understand why families abandon their blood relatives, the ones they grew up with, for the ex-wife. Some of the stories I read on here are crazy. He is their brother! They grew up in the same house together! What is wrong with them?
I was thinking about
I was thinking about surprising my DH with a weekend trip to see his parents and his brother this fall. We haven't been in several years and I have family there as well. He proposed to me there and there is such great food and places that he wants to show me that he talks about all the time. But, now there is no way in hell I am going to sit in a house and act like what they did doesn't hurt me and him. I wish I could tell them that they have caused me to change my mind. But it changes nothing and would only make me feel good. I am sure my SD has filled them in on everything and I am absolutely evil now.
They lack integrity and have
They lack integrity and have lost their moral compass. They have bought into a lie and if they appreciated the inherent dignity in the truth they wouldn’t allow BM or SD to manipulate them. If they were people of integrity they would have stayed right out of it or insisted that SD spend time with her dad rather than jumping in and pretending to be the ones saving the day.
I have a few theories of why aunts and uncles feel the need to interfere in their brother’s business after a divorce but none of them really satisfy me. But the one thing I do know is that these sanctimonious types would not for one second entertain the idea of you interfering in their relationship with their children. (assuming they have children) But the question remains: Why is the stepfamily fair target for everyone and their dog?
When asked about their obvious hypocrisy they justify their actions by saying their kids don’t need that kind of interference. Guess what? Neither do yours. They need to get their butts out of your business. Right now all they are doing is rewarding bad behavior.
Somewhere they are labouring under an illusion (poor innocent little stepchild) and I am sure expect, and likely receive, much undeserved public praise for their supposed self sacrifice. For what other reason besides the expectation of public praise would one post pics on FB knowing that doing so causes the father profound pain and stress? Considerate adults weigh the possible outcomes of their actions before they go ahead and do what feels good to them. It sounds to me like they have impulse control issues.
There is no chance auntie should be discussing SD’s situation with SS or BS. How bizarre is she? She clearly does not respect her brother/in-law and is acting with stunning immaturity. If these gossipers and busybodies would stop meddling in your business and let the stepfamily work through their issues resolution would come around much faster. In short, they aren’t helping anyone. They are hurting everyone, except of course themselves.
My theory is jealousy. This
My theory is jealousy. This is their chance to have the upper hand over their sibling. Been through it. To me these people are pathetic and immature.
Well BIL called DH and asked
Well BIL called DH and asked what he should do. So much for a Private message. DH told him he didn't care. I said why did you not tell him that it hurt you to see those pics. He said if I said to take them down I would be the Assho.. who wants nothing to do with his daughter. They think they are helping me so I can see pics of her. I said tell them they hurt you to see. He said he won't and he really doesn't care what they do anymore. I said fine, I am sure I got thrown under the bus during your conversation. He said no, I just told him not to reply to you. BIL said he wants to be able to visit and not have problems. Told DH, well he does, because I am not having them here anymore. If they can not do the right thing, than I am not hosting him and his new wife. I am done... I know I am not wrong here. They are wrong for having this kid for a visit. The whole damn situation is wrong...
Did your DH not know you sent
Did your DH not know you sent the PM...? Did he know about the pictures?
He saw the pics. I saw the
He saw the pics. I saw the pain in his face. I was planning on telling him about the PM when he came home. He wasn't mad at me. He is just tired of the situation. His sister had just posted pics on Facebook on Friday. The SD flew across the country to the Grandparents and BIL and then flew to another state to see the sister and then back to the grandparents. So everyone was involved.
The emails that went to his sister about the boys coming, I cc'd him on. I would never not tell my husband. I am just so tired of the pain this has caused. It has changed the way, he reacts to things and the way he treats our other boys. Yet none of them see this. I admonished him at lunch that he needs to tell his family that. But, he won't and because he won't I feel like I have to say something and now the relationship is broken between all of us. I can't forgive this.
My goodness, so how in the
My goodness, so how in the world did people ever share digital images before FB was founded in 2004? A few ways come to mind, email, messenger, yahoo! Why, you could even do the unthinkable and print them off and send them by post. There are all kinds of ways to share pics besides on FB. Now that we know it wasn’t just to help you by seeing the pictures, where is the rest of the explanation of what they were doing? by posting pics on FB. They wanted you to see the pics and…..?
Your husband would do well to stop being so naïve about their motives. All brother and family are doing is flaunting their own character as if to say only they can bring out the best in SD. ” See. SD isn’t really that bad. At least not to intelligent, nice, right thinking people like us. She is wonderful when “WE” are with her.” Doesn’t mean SD has suddenly changed. It is all about making you appear to be the villain. Unfortunately your dear gullible husband is their biggest asset in that endeavour at the moment.
They need to get onside with you two if there is ever going to be a potential for this relationship to heal.