BEFORE YOU READ ANY OF THIS PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THIS IS A REAL WORLD SITUATION.....so if it seems a tad bit crazy at times then maybe you should find a little lighter reading............

I love ALLMYCHILDREN I try to make that as obvious as possible because I usually don't refer to my stepchildren as such. I always say that I have 5 children (much to the horror of many) even though only 2 of them are biologically mine. I say (and believe) this because, from the first moment I met my husband we both agreed that my children and myself were a package deal and his children and him were a package deal. It hasn't been a honeymoon 2nd marriage for him either (1st marriage for me). We've suffered through a SIGNIFICANT amount of drama from the ex's. Including my ex and my husband having to go to court because my ex accused my husband of attempting to kill him (phoney boloney case didn't even make it past the preliminaries) AND the drama of me actually being his ex's supervisor (happened after we got together LOTS and LOTS OF DRAMA). However, here lately after 6 years together and 2 1/2 years married, my husband actually seriously brought up the D word after my SD11 (learning the terminology fairly quickly) decides to say that I hit her with a phone. :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: I don't hardly spank my bio kids and I've never spanked her. Because hitting a child with a phone is child abuse in my opinion, I took this accusation way past serious. The fact that she was lying and I told my husband that she was made it worst. Now add to all this my very strong suspicions that she's been stealing small items from my house (BS9's cell phone, my bracelet, etc.) and we've got major childrearing issues. These issues have been especially tough because my husband believes that she can do no wrong and divorce was his idea. I don't think he has ever spanked her in all the years that we've been together. I grew up with a stepmother in the same house as my dad and I got spanked at least 1-2 times per month. My dad was no joke.
I've come to the heartbreaking realization that I feel my husband may still have a significant amount of love that still lingers for her mother (my stepsons have a different mother and they are VERY well behaved) which I believe accounts for his pedestal treatment of this particular child. They were married for 2 years, divorced for 4 years (she filed)and she remarried 8 months after they divorced (to the same man she cheated on him with) before I met him. Because all of this happened BEFORE I even met him I don't think it is insane that I thought that he had moved on. BUT, after we were together for a year she got a divorce from her second husband. She began calling him at all times of the night. They would have looonnnggg conversations and she told him all about her ex and eventually she propositioned him for sex. I am still not sure until this day if they had sex or not. I can say that I found all of this out because he would tell me everything as it occurred. Even down to the embarrassing things she would say about her last marriage. When she propositioned him he told me that day. Sometimes I think that they did have sex. A long time ago during an argument he made the statements that "she does not want me" and "she does not even want to be in a relationship". My heart still drops a little after thinking about this because now I'm wondering why in the hell DID I get married to him. Maybe I should have left the minute he started accepting her phone calls????
As far as divorce over a child's misbehavior, I told him to let me know what he wanted to do. If he wanted a divorce then no problem. Nevermind that I would be completely burnt in a divorce. No prenup. It really hurt because I did not nor do I want a divorce but, I really just wanted him to be happy.
So now she has not visited with us at our house since the incident. She has come over my mother-in-law's house but, not to our house. I don't have a problem with her coming back but, as I told him when she does come back she WILL be disciplined. No spanking but, I am not buying her anything else for awhile. No trips, no skating rinks, amusement parks, go carts and all that other stuff I do when she comes over. Plus we all are going to have a sit down talk about lying and stealing. So yesterday he informs me that he is picking her up and bringing her over his mother's house next weekend. I felt like he should bring her home to our house and let her suffer the consequences of her actions. I feel like he is sheltering her from discipline and upholding her in her wrong. She is a very smart little girl and I'm sure that she is aware of the drama she has created.
On another note, I explained to him that a child lying and stealing could be an indication of a much bigger problem. Therefore, he and her bio mom need to sit down with her and have a good conversation. I know that her mother has moved a man into their home and had her daughter alone with him on at least one occasion I am sure of. I can't help but wonder if this has anything to do with this behavior. I am VERY concerned as a mother. At the same time I am very angry right now that I was the FIRST to be axed. A divorce would be costly and devastating to me and my bio children and after all of the things that we have gone through I used to think that we could weather anything, I guess I was wrong......
I apologize if this was not as organized in thought as it could have been....however, I have really been going through ALOT lately and I would appreciate any constructive feedback (even if it hurts to hear).