UGH so sick of this We are a 'family' but we aren't when it comes to some things. BF and I are not married but we live life as a married couple. I am not religious and I don't need a piece of paper to 'justify' my love but I understand that legally it might be a good idea but I am okay with a trip to the court house or a small wedding. It's not going to change anything, I refuse to change my name BTW. The Tax break would be nice since I got laid off but that is about it.

Couple of examples:

A few weeks ago I was really depressed and asked BF if we could start trying for a baby this fall/winter. Baby sitting his kids every other week had me bummed and wanting my own. He told me no because we are not married and he at least wants a ring on my finger first. YET he knows I want a baby for months now and there is still no ring on my finger! He flipped out when I told him that I would just buy him a ring and we can move on with the engagement. Also I have a ring in my collection that fits on that finger I am thinking about just wearing it and see if he notices FYI i still want a baby.

BM asked BF if I would watch one (and not the other - long story) of the boys after school then pouted when I told her that I would but she needed to pay me. I stated as she has so many times - I am not their mother. So you need to pay me.

SS6 flipped out a month ago when someone called me his mom. Which I am sure he got from his mother but it hurt and even made me cry. I mean and I then horrible of a person that he wouldn't want me as his mother? Then SS6 asked BF when we were getting married and has been attached to my hip a lot more lately. I think he is clinging because BM has been working late and planning her wedding (next month) and he hasn't been getting much attention at her house. He always gets less than SS4 but I am sure now it's even less. BM has it in his head that only 'mom' can love him. BF is loving that SS6 is so in love with me, forgetting how depressed I am about wanting my own kid. I keep telling him it's not the same and I don't really like him hanging on me. He is not little and I am not very big, and he grabs me in places he shouldn't (like my chest). Last week I was exhausted after they left and actually glad to see them go.

The holidays - I saved money all summer but I recently got laid off. BF has started trying to tell me what WE are going to do with that money. But he doesn't give me any money and hasn't contributed to the savings at all. I get that I am living with him for free. But I do watch HIS kids saving him $300 a month in child care. I took most of that money and put it in my saving account last week. He thinks we should use it to go out of state to see my family for the holidays but honestly lately I don't want to take HIS kids any more. BM just freaks out about it and I am done pretending that they are mine. I don't care if my family sees them or not. Also a little worried that they might embarrass me (again).

Even the wedding - which we talk about even though we are not engaged. I told him what I wanted and he just blows me off. Because I want my brother to stand with me (and my sister) he says I can't because it has to be a girl - who says? I say it should be family because family is forever and friends come and go.

Lastly I am SO sick of hearing him bitch about BM. He picked her to be the mother of his kids. They aren't mine - IMO it's his problem. I don't even want to be their 'mother' any more. They act like their mother and I can't stand her. BUT I am nice to them. They are just kids after all. But there is nothing I can do in a week to correct all their bad behavior, so it's THEIR problem.

UGH, I need a vacation.