BM and the 'who drops off/picks up' dilemma
Generally, I don't have too many issues with BM... she pretty much stays to herself and doesn't cause any problems... except when we ask her to step up and help more in her sons life. She sees SS EOW. She pays no CS... there was never any formal custody plan or CS order in their divorce. Ok, fine. SS goes to a private school with my BS. Very expensive (this was our choice and have never asked her for a dime). No school bus. I take them to school every day and I or DH picks them up.. except for the EOW Friday and she picks SS up. She decides that since she picked up, it was only fair that DH come pick him up Sunday night. Normally, I would say that is fair. But considering she doesn't contribute to pretty much ANY costs, only sees him 4 days a month, and she has still been claiming him on taxes every other year, I feel that she shouldn't be so picky. Now granted that she only lives maybe 4-5 miles away, it isn't a big deal but it's the principle of it. DH is the one that told her she can do both. DH asked for my opinion when she said that wasn't fair. So, I sent DH the following email as my recommendation:
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How about this…you agree to the split…she pick up Friday… you pick up Sunday. This isn’t worth the argument – we gotta pick our battles, right? Done. BUT, you add (not because you are agreeing to the split but just because you have him the majority of the time and costs are NOT split 50/50), that you WILL be claiming SS EVERY YEAR going forward on taxes. Period.
If she argues with this and doesn’t agree, tell her, in that case, we will need to go to court and define a formal custody plan (same schedule as now but court ordered so she can’t decide she wants SS to come live with her to get out of this crap) and set up child support (she will be ordered to pay since SS spends the majority of time with you) and you will be requesting the ‘every year’ taxes in that request to the judge (which will be granted under the circumstances). So she can do this the hard way or easy way.
What are your thoughts on this approach?
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So, what do you guys think? Am I being fair? Keep in mind that WE pay insurance, WE take him to Dr's and Dentists, WE buy all cloths for 26 days a month, WE buy school supplies, WE pay for football and anything else he needs cuz BM doesnt' have any money supposedly. She has a job and a 3 yr old and a husband that I think she supports sometimes when he gets fired from his job which seems to be every few months.
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I would make her responsible
I would make her responsible for all pick ups/drop offs of her son...ESPECIALLY because you and your husband basically have full custody whether or not it is court ordered, and she is NOT paying support. And why in the hell does your husband let her claim him on his taxes when she doesn't even put any money into raising him??
How was there no custody or
How was there no custody or CS defined in the divorce decree, but who claims the kid on taxes was?? So weird. :?
I think "But considering she
I think
"But considering she doesn't contribute to pretty much ANY costs, only sees him 4 days a month, and she has still been claiming him on taxes every other year, I feel that she shouldn't be so picky"
This doesn't specify that it's in the agreement that she claims every year-it may just be a between them agreement like the other stuff-at least that's my assumption :0
I am blessed BSG to be able
I am blessed BSG to be able to send my kids to a private school. My EH actually fought me on it when I was first looking for a school when BS was starting kindergarten. It took him a few years before he started helping with homework because he thought "he was too young to worry about school - he should be playing and being a kid"... blah blah blah. Idiot. He's a bit better now but still doesn't put the same emphasis on school as I do. BM could care less along as she didn't have to do anything or it cost her anything.
I know... I should be grateful for twice a month pick up if that's all the hassle we get. And I am considering some other BM's that many on here speak of. But I still expect her to step up and help pay for this child SHE helped create. Just because he's my DHs son and I accepted the 'package deal' doesn't mean I wanted to financially be soley responsible (along with DH) for his child with his ex. No more than I would expect DH to be financially responsible for my BS.
Yeah, I guess we need to mean
Yeah, I guess we need to mean what we say, huh? She may end up giving up because she has no money and a little giving in is cheaper than fighting in court. Hopefully she's smart enough to realize that.
I think talking to a lawyer for some advice is probably a good idea.
I agree with exactly how you
I agree with exactly how you wrote it. My ex and I used to do the every other year tax thing when we had 50/50, but now that BS10 lives with me and goes to his dad's EOWE, I claim him every year. I'm not even sure that your BM could legally claim your SS if the boy only lives with her 48 days a year. Doesn't it have to be at least 6 months?
yep - According to IRS
yep - According to IRS regulations, we legally can claim him. And there is no court order I believe regarding this. Just a verbal agreement between them. Hmmm... I think I better have him break out the CO if he can find it.
But if we both happen to claim him, we both end up in audits and money held up but we would win. I just didn't want to go through the hassle so we haven't pushed it yet. We are on year 3 of filing jointly. The first year we were still new so I just let it be. She 'allowed' us to claim him last year so this year would be HER year according to her.
We didn't get a full audit.
We didn't get a full audit. They just looked at the income and made her send her refund back. AND, DH was self employed at the time, with many write offs. It was not nearly as much of a hassle as we thought it was going to be. It had to be done to prove to her that she has no legal right to claim him.
Well, let me tell you what we
Well, let me tell you what we do as far as taxes go. There is nothing court ordered. BM once stated that she wanted to do an "every other year". DH said NO WAY because we pay for everything for him, and most of the time she isn't even working. SO, we talked to our CPA, and he showed us where according to the IRS, as long as you have 50% or more custody that they view the "custodial parent" to be the one who makes more money that year. And that is who is defaulted to be legally within their rights to claim the child on the taxes. (so long as their isn't anything court mandated stating otherwise). SOOOOO, we just claim him every year, and when there was a dispute that he was claimed by more than one taxpayer, we just provided a copy of that law, and they ordered BM to pay back the credit that she received for claiming him. The minute she starts contributing financailly to the well being of her son, she can start claiming him again. We won't be assholes about it, technically we would claim him every year according to that law because BM will NEVER make more money than DH. BUT, if she started contributing, we would do an every other year with her.
As far as taxes, I put in
As far as taxes, I put in there that XH could claim the kids as long as he was current in CS by the end of that tax year.
Hasn't happened once.
Ah yes, I have that stated in
Ah yes, I have that stated in the CO with my EH. He is behind a bit on CS but he still claims BS EOY. He does try to pay CS for the most part and does contribute a bit to out of pocket expenses so I throw him a bone by not pushing this one yet.
Back when I met dh-he had
Back when I met dh-he had full custody-and paid no support-contributed to none of his expenses. Dh finally asked her to please contribute somehow when ss was around 5-he was open to ideas and amounts. She said she would think about it and then finally told him upon careful consideration she was unwilling to contribute anything. So dh said she could do ALL the transport-(we live an hour away-so this is considerable) and she did so for a couple of years until we all went to court-and upon careful consideration the judge decided that she needed to pay child support. We did split transport after that.