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stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:29am

Deleted for privacy. Can someone help me just get rid of a blog instaed of editing and deleting?

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Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:42am

Ah - I feel for you. It sounds as though on the whole it has been a good time, with just some slight tensions which perhaps you feel the most, it seems it is often easier on a one to one. When the whole family is together, people tend to jostle a bit more for status and importance. Sounds like for all their confidence, SS and SD were doing that a little bit which was a shame but unfortunately a fact of life. They have their history of their family prior to you which they still need to assert, seemingly.
On the whole - you seem to have managed blending the families pretty well, which is a lot more than many of us have managed. Try and be proud of what you have achieved and accept the little niggles of insecurity as natural in a stepfamily.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:18am

Thanks Kes. I know that all and all it's pretty good. I was just a little reminder of the insecurities and inadequacies. I am overprotective of my daughter, to her detriment really. I am lucky that DH never makes me feel left out; I am the onle to leave myself out...

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:27pm

Maybe you're just wary of the situation? Maybe you don't want to feel too happy just in case something goes bad? I know when SD20 came over for the first time in over a year and that night asked to be facebook friends with DH and I, we were both shocked and even admitted to each other that we didn't want to scare her off, not knowing whether or not we should respond too much to her or not. We know she has a short fuse, and felt we should act cautiously. We all want everyone to be happy together, but with all the drama in the last few years, it's almost like a dream to have a civil relationship with SD. I know DH is still too wary of her to even tell her I'm pregnant with our second child...I don't see that ending well. I'll be showing by the time we visit her at school, so she'll be mad that he didn't tell her, in addition to probably feeling a bit jealous. *sigh*

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:31pm

z3girl, I wish you all the best with the baby and also Sd's reactions...
You are right that I am a bit wary. It has been difficult and painful and now it seems good, but I know that with step situations it takes so much to build a good thing and so little for it to go south again. Sd and I do really well alone. The last big scenes before she moved out were between her and her dad and they both got so mad ; that is when she would try and piss him off even more by dragging my name into it, even though it was really about the two of them. So when the 2 of them are together, she tries to establish her being all grown now....and gets rude and he won't take any of that and so it escalates. It's stressfull because I worry that at any time they can start and if it starts it ends up with her doing anything she can to hurt him, which means attacking me.
I 'll work on not worrying so much and just enjoying what seems pretty good.