Seriosuly what planet is BM from?
SS4 started School yesterday (Yay). BM was so worried about it because, well she thinks he can't go any where or do anything by himself. I told her the week before that he had been very upset about NOT getting to go on the bus, so I didn't think it was going to be an issue for her. She doesn't listen to me and makes this whole big plan to ride with him on the bus the first day so she does freak out... blah blah blah.
So to make a long story short she txt me a pic of happy SS4 on the bus but then later calls BF and sounds UPSET that SS4 didn't throw a fit. He txt me and was like what is the deal with her she seems so depressed - like I know right? I was watching all set to get SS6 off the bus for BM when ss4's bus pulls up (he was supposed to go to BM's sitters house) so I get him off the bus, which of course he didn't want to get off the bus, then I run over to get SS6 off his bus. I txt'ed BM and called her sitter to let them know and the sitter said she was on her way, like 30 mins later BM is at the door (and BF was home thank goodness). I had gone though the kids bags because I had asked SS6's teacher for an extra copy of the fundraiser stuff - since there was only one week to sell stuff and the kid has two houses, it made sense. BF pulls it out in front of BM and she was like, what is that for. We already have one you have it to me Sunday. BF was like "Oh so this is our copy then, we asked the teacher for another copy." BM was like 'oh'.
Then she left with the kids and told us that she would see us later at the School Open House. We got cleaned up and ready to go - I agreed to go for only one reason, BM acts like she and Her husband are the boys only family, she leave us (mainly me) out a lot and I wanted to meet the teachers and let them know who I was, in case I needed to pick the up from school or something.
We got there and BM was already there talking to SS4's teachers. The boys were not with her and neither was her new husband. (kid were welcome) So I let BF introduce me and then I kind of step back. The teacher talked to them and the more the bragged about how well SS4 did and how far he was coming along, the more BM pouted and looked like she was going to cry. She just did not look happy at all. BF handed the teacher a 'custody' calender that I had made (we gave one to SS6's teacher too) so that they would know who to call on what weeks if there was an issue and what bus to put the kids on.
We went down to SS6's room and were waiting to talk to his teacher when someone came up to BM and asked her about the wedding, that was the first time all day I saw her smile. BF and I walked away and let her talk and then pounced on the teacher as soon as she was available. BM joined us later, seemingly annoyed that we had started the conversation with out her. BF told the teacher about SS6's skin dryness and asked about his attention. The teacher seemed bummed that SS6 was not with us, we just said it's BM's week we don't know where he is. SS6 had been under the impression that he was coming too earlier when I saw him. BF asked a question bout a reading log, and BM chimed in but it was clear that she had no clue what they were talking about, BF just smiled and said that it was in the papers that we copied for her. And yes I copied EVERY paper that got set home for her - waiting to see if she returns the favor or if BF needs to talk to the teacher about getting copies.
So once it was over, BM said bye and darted off.
I had an evil moment again. As we walked about to our car I held BF's hand and we chatted. I did it because I knew BM would have to drive past us. That had been my mission all day to make her realize that BF is happy and in love, and most importantly could care less if she just got married. When she was talking about her wedding we were talking to the teacher after all. And I made sure to stay close to him, even called him 'Baby'. I was dress to perfection too of course. 
But BM doesn't seem happy - which is odd for someone that just got married. It's hard to tell what is bothering her. SS4 becoming more independent and not 'needing' her as much. Or that BF is not 'upset' that she just married another man. Or that she is starting to realize that BF loves someone else. Or is married life not as blissful as she thought it would be?
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Oh and the "what planet" part
Oh and the "what planet" part is about... Shouldn't the woman be really happy right now? New Husband, children doing well in school, ex-husband has moved on/ not bugging her, found out SS4 may not have autism, and he got a new job not to long ago.
Seems to me like BM should be walking on sunshine, not walking around like she is about to cry.
So you've been this involved
So you've been this involved the whole time and she has seemed normal before and not so unhappy? Maybe she is over the whole "try to look like none of htis bothers me" thing. I'll admit, I used to be super friendly and nice to BM because I never wanted her to say anything bad about me, and now I'm confident enough in myself that I just don't really care what she thinks of me, she is no one I care to impress. I still will say Hi and how are you and stuff but I don't go further than that. could it be something like that?
And this, I just want to clarify -- so both the skids get on a different bus the days they are with you guys? I wanted this to happen with SD6 this year. We have a bus that drops off RIGHT BY OUR HOUSE. But BM refused to set that up saying it was too confusing for a 6 year old. So we have to go pick her up at her bus stop which is by BM's house.
We told BM that we were
We told BM that we were putting both kids on the bus and then called the bus company to explain the situation EOW, they said it wouldn't be an issue. We set it up then BM freaked out about the bus/school getting mixed up. But we didn't budge. So she pays me 10 bucks a day to walk to the bus stop (end of the block) to get SS6 and watch him until he gets off work. But SS4 rides the bus from the sitters on her weeks - now tell me THAT is not confusing. So for the record the bus compnay WILL work with you guys.
I have 'involved' since almost day one. I was BF's baby sitter for awhile and he works odd hours so I help out when/were i can. BM and I had/have our issues, she usually is overly happy/fake around me, but I don't know if she just doesn't care any more so she is showing her true self or she is just that unhappy.
Maybe try and not be so
Maybe try and not be so involved. It seems like too many people trying to talk to the teachers. Try and not think/worry/ concern yourself so much with BM, it won't really help anything. You say she won't listen to you, well, why should she? You can't really figure someone else out. She may have mental/ emotional problems. I say concern yourself with your marriage and happiness. Let your SO and BM concern themselves with their kids. Let BM and her new husband concern themselves with their marriage and happiness. It just sounds too sticky.
You know what I think it
You know what I think it is...
BM's life is like a bad soap opera. Through I find it confusing and stupid, I continue to watch it. I think you are right - it's time to change the channel and focus on us/me.
And I am trying to be not so involved but it's a process. I was so not going to the school thing then BF talked me into going to prove my existence to the staff. But I have told BF that I don't want the kids to call me Mom, slip ups are 'ok' but I will not respond/reward it. I Do baby sit but when BF gets home I am off duty.
I know it's hard not to get
I know it's hard not to get involved in it and it's totally normal that you feel that way. You two deserve a relationship not tainted by BM and the best way to get that is just keep trying to let her go, in your mind. I had someone in my life recently, an old landlady, that was unpredictable, mean, vindictive and so on. I would think about her all day, and how to handle her and how to get her to see what she was doing, and also, how to make her husband see how nutty she was. But it was all for nothing. Nothing I could think, do, say could help- because she was just out there. So I made it almost my mantra, when I would start thinking about her to think" Stop!!This is not helping anything". And I would try and think of something else. She died three months ago. I had no control over her actions and it was wasted time to try and get her to-anything..
It's normal for parents to
It's normal for parents to have mixed feelings when their 1st, youngest, only...child starts school.