Venting!!!!!
I read the question from the stepmom with the mildly autistic son who treated her very poorly. I can relate. I don't know if my stepson is mildly or moderately autistic, all I know is that in his first 10 years of life his issues were not addressed. I know what you mean when you say you feel like what you say doesn't matter because that is exactly what I feel all the time. My stepson doesn't talk but he thinks I'm his personal punching bag. I have changed the direction of my stepson's life by being his "mom". He didn't dress himself, eat anything but McDonalds, eat at the table, respond to questions, drink from a cup, wipe his butt,or do anything that he resisted. Nothing was expected of him but to be happy and life be easy...WHY?, "because he has autism". I get so upset when my husband and his ex-wife say he couldn't have done these things before; that I don't understand; that I wasn't there. The truth IS no one expected him to do anything...EVER!
All it took was expecteding him to dress himself, ONCE for him to do it. I told him he was too old for me to wipe him, "Do it yourself" and now he does (but he still coaxes mom and dad to do it), He doesn't get McDonalds unless he eats some fruit or yogurt first and junk food is limited. He didn't get food until he came to the table to eat (that took 2-3 hours). He drank out of a regular drinking glass as soon as I didn't give him a straw and I told him to drink it out of the glass, like a big boy.
I'm not doing these things except for the fact that I care about my "son". I want him to have a better life when his dad and I are no longer around or are unable to take care of him. I feel like I love him MORE than his parents because I want him to be ALL that he can be...not a dependent,needy person who only takes. I'm tired of being called mean and intolerant. I'm sick of being told that I make his biological mom feel like she didn't/isn't do/ing a good job. She didn't! She isn't! She left her son for freedom and I wish she would leave me alone and quit trying to prove she is doing anything because she sees him one day each week.
I would love to hear from other stepmoms of autistic kids...we need to write a book. This is hard work! :?
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Comments
I don't have an autistic kid,
I don't have an autistic kid, but I just wanted to say WAY TO GO!! You have treated that child more normally than anybody ever had. Don't stop what you're doing. That kid needs you! It's certainly not mean to make a child independent! Your DH and his ex are probably feeling very foolish about the whole thing. They'll have to pull up their big people panties and deal!
I am not the stepmom of an
I am not the stepmom of an autistic kiddo, but I am the mom of one. Believe me when I say that the news can wreak havoc in everyone's hearts...At the same time, although there are issues, we are not doing a service to our children by babying them. Here's a page I wrote about what has worked for us and not. It won a "Purple Star" where I wrote it and I did it to help other parents...I hope it helps you and your husband, as well as your son. Good luck...
http://www.squidoo.com/autism-autismo
Oh honey I am a stepmom to an
Oh honey I am a stepmom to an autistic child who also has serious medical handicaps. My ss12 has so many issues and the autism is the hardest part. I am so used to being the only one who expects anything of him. When I got him five years ago he was virtually non verbal and lived on pediasure in a baby bottle. He was not allowed to use his wheelchair in the house, had no bed time and was constantly dehydrated. That came to a quick end, well not really quick but the bed time and the wheelchair changed quickly at his dads house and after threatening children's services it was changed at BM house. The dehydration issue was finally changed when forced with doctors help the BM to document all intake and out take of fluid everyday. I could go on for hours, but, working right now. Will add more later... But, I know how you live!