DD3 stood up for SS's BM and pretty much crushed my heart. Read on... You wont believe this crap..
:? The other day I told DH that I hate BM and that all she does is screw with my life and I'm sick of that fat cow trying to control my man. My DD3 proceeded to tell me she loves BM because SS loves BM and that that's her brothers mommy and we shouldn't say mean things about her because BM loves SS... I wanted to cry. Even tho it showed my daughter has such a loving heart, I couldn't help but feel betrayed. I mean BM gets everything she wants even at my expense. My daughter always runs and gives her hugs.. which I hate but I have never said a word. My daughter is very nice and loving even to strangers. I just hate it when my kid says nice things about BM. DH told DD that BM is mean to mommy and she says very bad things about mommy. My DD stood up for BM again and said no she doesn't. BM loves mommy. I wanted to scream but I just walked off. Anyone else ever had this problem? What would you do in this situation. Also DD has never been around BM except for a quick hello or goodbye.
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wow. that has to be an
wow. that has to be an incredibly difficult situation. sounds like your daughter is a huge sweetheart though. congratulations on that.
I was in my master bathroom,
I was in my master bathroom, DH was standing in the doorway and I guess DD was in the bedroom doorway. I did not intentionally say it infront of her. To be honest idc anyways. I wish sometimes DD would call her names and tell her what DH and I really think of her but it wouldn't be very mature of me. Although since I'm never allowed to say anything negative to BM I think it would be pretty damn funny for DD to call her a fat cow one day... Haha. Instead of running up and hugging her and telling SS's BM that she loves her. Yuck.
This used to happen to me w/
This used to happen to me w/ psuedo step CTBB. Mostly him saying how great his mother (who had him at 15 and had NO interest in being a mother, even a bad one)was and how he couldn't live w/ her because her apt was too small, no $$$, blah blah blah. I felt more sorry for him and his trustng heart. Don't crush your DD's good nature, she'll find out soon enough how the world works. You have a real sweetie there, be happy for that.
Now that CTBB is 33 he has long known the true nature of Whorebag, and I understand your frustration but it's just innocent sweetness that only little kids posess.Good luck and God bless.
It has to be hard to stomach,
It has to be hard to stomach, but I really don't think that trying to convince your DD3 that "BM is mean to mommy & she says very bad things about mommy" is necessarily the best approach.
She doesn't interact with BM enough to know whether or not she likes her. In what little interaction they do have, obviously it's positive for your DD3.
I'm sure it isn't your intention to try to make your DD3 hold a grudge, but telling her that someone is mean to mommy & talks bad about her is going to do just that.
I would suggest you keep your thoughts about BM between you & your DH & have those conversations when your DD isn't around.
Yeah she isn't old enough and
Yeah she isn't old enough and doesn't spend enough time with BM to understand who she really is. Trying to put bad thoughts in her head isn't going to help. Just be happy that she's an innocent little girl who thinks that all people in the world are wonderful. Don't let it bother you, she'll grow up one day and figure things out for herself. You can't force her to have the same ideas as you, she's going to make her own decisions, and right now she agrees with your SS because he's her brother, and he wouldn't say a bad thing about his mom. Don't make it a bigger deal than it is, she doesn't know any better, and if you say mean things about BM, she might think that YOU are the mean one, calling her names and such because she doesn't see how crappy BM treats you.
I'm so sorry. That would rip
Extremly insightful. And very
Extremly insightful. And very very true. I have always taken the high road, knowing someday the kids will see their father for what he is.
They have, and it breaks my heart for my kids.
No matter what you think and feel of others, let your children form their own opinion. Who knows we might learn something new!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This...comple
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This...completely!
It will never hurt your daughter to show compassion and love. Keep adult convo's between adults only. The longer she can remain sweet and innocent the better!
Why in the world is your dd
Why in the world is your dd around bm in the first place??? NO WAY IN HELL would I allow my kids to be around bm! That will stop that crap in its tracks! There is NO reason for your kids to be around bm ever! I have been married 8 years and with dh for 9 and I have managed to keep my kids away from bm for the most part.
Your dd is too young to understand what is going on so i advise to keep her away from her.
What's wrong with it? Not all
What's wrong with it? Not all BM's are nut jobs. My exturd's exwife was really great...we became great friends after she saw I had good intentions for her son.
I know this isn't the situation for most here - but hey - don't lump all BM's in as psychotic money grubbing, PAS creating, jealous, nutjobs.
That would be like saying all Step-moms are evil.
Honestly, I think it's just
Honestly, I think it's just the "let's all get along" nature that kids have. My kids are sure that SD's BM must be related to them somehow because SD is and that's her BM. I've given up trying to explain it to them. My BD8 even tried to tell me that SD's BM is BD8's stepmom. I set her straight on that one.
BUT, my kids don't understand WHY SD18's BM doesn't want to meet them and have a relationship with them. They can't fathom people NOT liking other people (me) simply because of their title. They know I'm a good person, they love me, SD18 is their half-sister, BM should want to get to know them. Right? Just the optimistic nature of kids I guess.
What hurt me was the time BD5 mentioned inviting SD18 to a party we're having at our house. BD5 looked at me and told me I would have to leave my own house (I will no longer be in my home with SD18, long story). So BD5 thought I would leave my house so they could invite SD18. Um, no!
The shitty part is idk y she
The shitty part is idk y she loves SS. He beats her up all the time. If you read my last blog post you will see. Smacks, pushes, slams her fingers in doors, tries to control her every move, he breaks things & blames her then DH will spank her at times over it. Why does she love someone that abuses her? And why does she love his mom whom I hate with a Passion? I love my DD more than anything and she is so sweet. My heart just gets crushed when DD is so loving towards the evil SS and his psycho BM bc they try their best to rip apart mine and my kids life. Uhhh.
I never talk bad about them infront of her unless it is to explain that SS is being very bad to hit her and it is not ok. That he is being very mean to her and it is called bullying and she has to tell momma so I can protect her from being hurt. That's my extent of talking crap. DH doesn't normally tell DD bad things about anyone. I just think he said that about SS's BM bc he knew how badly it hurt me.
Thank you all for your advice it truly has helped me see this all in a positive way. I shouldn't be upset that DD is such a sweetheart. I couldn't help but feel hurt and yet that she was so beautiful at the time. Now I see that it was silly of me to feel that way and I shouldn't let my feelings toward BM affect me as strongly as I do. This was kinda an eye opener to how much I allow her to impact my life. My daughter did something that I should've been soooo proud about and instead I made it into something negative and about BM. I was very proud don't get me wrong but I allowed it to become more about BM instead of how wonderful my daughter is and how lucky I truly am. Again thank you all!!
I just don't let BM near my
I just don't let BM near my daughter, at dropoffs my daughter stays in the car and BM isn't allowed in my house so she wouldn't see her there. That woman will never even speak to my child. I would just limit the contact your child has with BM, maybe that will help.
All of this. Pigs will
All of this.
Pigs will iceskate around hell before BM ever has the opportunity to say one word to my son. It's bad enough for me that she can see pics of him via my IL's FB.
As much as it hurts your
As much as it hurts your heart, you should also be proud that your DD is so loving and kind. I can honestly say that is how I hope to raise my BS1. There is just so much hatred in the world now that these children are our only hope. As much as I HATE both of my BMs, I would never, never, ever, let BS1 or skids know this.
I remember one day SS was over and DH was telling me about something that BM#1 did to piss him off (BM#1 is SD's mother) and DH said right in front of SS and BS(who was only about 4 months old at the time), that he wished BM#1 would get run over by a bus. Now, as much as I despise this trailer trash, sorry excuse for a woman, I actually told DH that was terribly inappropriate. He was kind of annoyed and didn't seem to understand why I was angry. I told him I would discuss it with him later (not in front of SS) So later, I told him that as much as we all hate her, that we really should refrain from speaking about her like that in front of the kids. I certainly don't want BS1 talking about anyone's mother (or anyone for that matter) like that and while SS thought it was funny, I'm sure HE wouldn't like it if he knew DH said something like that about HIS mother.
Don't get me wrong, when it's just DH and I we bash both BM's all day long, but I refuse to be that person when the skids and BS are around.
Two things. First,
Two things.
First, congratulations on a very caring 3yo.
Second, stick with the facts. As she gets older she will come to detest BM for what she does to her older brother as much as you detest her..
Okay, make that three things. And the third is long.
I absolutely undertand how you feel. I detest my SS's BioDad and basically his entire SpermClan. Particularly SpermGrandMa. Though they are his family it hurts when he has anything to do with them. I have raised him as my own since he was 1yo.
I am the one who helped to potty train him, to teach him to read, to write, to ride his bike and ultimately to be a young man of notable character. His SpermIdiot abandoned him to the ministrations of SpermGrandMother and exposed him to the abuse of his second womb donor's older delinquent son. They sent him home with BO so bad when he was 3yo that the flight attendent made a point to ask us to make sure we bathed him when we got him home. They sent him home with puss filled welts on his butt cheeks and diaper rash so bad his anus would bleed when we cleaned him up, etc, etc, etc....
He knows this. He has thoroughly reviewed the Custody/Visitation/Support files, seen the pictures, read the Doc reports, the court records, etc, etc, etc.... of his SpermClan's treatment of him.
They did nothing but bitch, moan, manipulate, harass and provide no quality support at all. He knows this and still invests time in them and is extremely defensive of even their most undefendable bullshit.
Now for the catch 22. Though it hurts for him to have anything to do with them I am proud of him. The saving grace for my feelins in this is that even this I take some credit for. His mom and I raised him to be a young man of character and to value family. Unfortunately that lesson can not be limited to just the family that I approve of.
Sigh!!!!
She is only around SS's BM
She is only around SS's BM for.not even a minute here and there during pickups and dropoffs of SS. Although I did forget she usto walk thru my old house like she owned the place but I never said a.word bc I wasn't "allowed." But DD was only 1-2. Maybe she remembers. Idk. Now the BM only comes to the door and we barely open it enough for SS to fit in, she did push her way in a few times. And a week ago DH said he was busy and would call BM to talk latest and ahe just opened up ny front door and walked in. I stood there jaw dropped and all. I hate that pos woman. But our parenting differences show. Her son is a bully who beats up babies and my daughter is a kind and loving sweetheart who doesn't like to see anyone be hurt. She lost DH and tried to get him back when we first started dating and he hose me. They had nothing when they were together and I have a beautiful home, nice cars, a loving man (when he's not in denial about his son) who wants to spend his life with me. I win in all aspects of life and she hates me for being a better mom and wife.
It doesn't necessarily matter
It doesn't necessarily matter if the child never see's there half siblings other parent. They can still develop there own idea's and loyalty's for them. I have two SD's with two different BM's. SD6 has never been around BM of SD14. When SD14 is texting or talking on the phone with her BM at our house SD6 often asks if she can text her too or say hi to her. When we got pictures done I was going through them and told SD14 she could take a few of her home to BM. SD6 grabbed a pic of herself and gave it to SD14 and said "give that to your mom too so that she can have a pic of me!" She doesn't know her, she just knows that she is her sisters BM and that sister loves her so she must be family and loved...so she does. I think it annoys my DH a bit. I do remind him though that SD14 does have a relationship with SD6's BM because that was her first "step mom" and SD6 see's that so she hasn't put together yet that SD14's BM is nothing to her and that this extended relationship doesn't go both ways.
Oh I can imagine how
Oh I can imagine how heartbreaking it was for you to heAR from your DD especially in light of his treatment of her. I am going to echo what the others have said - be proud of the fact that you have such a loving, forgiving, kind-hearted daughter that sees the best in everyone - that is a testament to your skills as a mother.Pat yourself on the back my friend and take confort in knowing that you are doing something right!!
Houtexstepmom- how do I stop
Houtexstepmom- how do I stop them? DH would tell Kevin being pety.... What would I say when DD runs to her? What would my reason be to DH for doing this??
Houtexstepmom- how do I stop
Houtexstepmom- how do I stop them? DH would tell Kevin being pety.... What would I say when DD runs to her? What would my reason be to DH for doing this??