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Morethandepressedstep's picture

Submitted by Morethandepress... on Thu, 11/11/2021 - 5:44pm

My stepdaughter is 10. I have been married for 5 years. The ex and I used to get along fine for the most part. She always wanted him back but she has a boyfriend. She decided she no longer wants the boyfriend and has been texting my husband tons of pictures of the kids and them as a family and some of just him and her. This weekend she asked to get together with him alone to talk. I feel so hurt and betrayed. His response is to just ignore the messages and not make waves. Her daughter now hates me because she wants mommy and daddy back together. I feel so betrayed.

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JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Thu, 11/11/2021 - 5:51pm

Its natural for the girl to want mom and dad  back together, no matter how irrational.  As long as your DH is ignoring the messages, that's good.  It's best to just accept that your SD feels this way and adjust your ecpectations.

It really hurts when we try so hard and our efforts are ignored because the kids just cant see past the "mom and dad picture".

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 11/11/2021 - 7:03pm

You feel betrayed by your DH's ex? Don't, she was never your friend, even if you got along. A lot of exes don't respect the current relationship, even if they pretend to.

Or, you feel betrayed by your DH because he is just ignoring her to "not make waves", instead of telling her it's inappropriate and to stop?

Your DH needs to explain to SD, in an age appropriate way, that her parents are not getting back together, nor would they, even if you were not in the picture. She's still going to wish for it but there's not much you can do about that.

GrudgingSM's picture

Submitted by GrudgingSM on Thu, 11/11/2021 - 7:06pm

I'm so sorry. Those feelings of betrayal are so valid. ois there anything your DH could do that would help you feel more affirmed and valued in your relationship? And if so, is that something you could ask him to do? Sometimes sharing the hurt is enough, but if you need something more from your partner, I hope you feel like you can ask him for that.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 11/12/2021 - 7:13am

When my daughter was about that age, maybe a year younger, she was a mess one night, crying and carrying on. I finally got her to tell me what was wrong. She wanted me and her dad to get back together. We have been divorced since she was 2. I asked her about her SM and she said she still loves her. I asked her about DH, she still loves him. 

There was nothing rational about what she was saying. I think in her mind she wanted us all to be together in one giant house! She loves all 4 of her parents and just wanted us all that night. Try to not let this hurt you. BM has obviously been giving hints that she wants your husband and of course a child would want her parents together. 

Your husband is doing the only thing he can, short of telling her to knock it off, but that could create a whole new set of issues. Ignoring is probably the right choice. I am sorry that this is happening and hopefully this will just be a passing phase that will be over soon!