F'in sperm donor
Here's this week with sperm idiot.....
Let me preface this by saying the following....because of financial difficulty-the kids have been only going to this one sporting event for a few years. Let me also preface by saying my exh wants them to do this (it's about 8-9wknds). Let me add that I have paid for them everytime, and the pictures, and the shoes, and volunteered at concession stands and 'team mom'. I'll add that exh works sat ams....and has missed numerous games. I'll add to that the because he works sat am and can't be at the games, their visitation during this season becomes Sat 1pm till Sun 5pm instead of Friday evening-because he can't take them to the games.
I'll add to this that I take off every time the kids have something going on, illness, -he had not requested his job to work with him, maybe 4-5 Sats of the year for flexibility-bullshit. He also used that excuse for not being able to stay w/me after I was admitted after a horrible car wreck at 7 mo preggo in pre-term labor...he couldn't stay because he had to work the next day...or when I was in labor both times, or after the birth, or when we first got home..but then spent years and years unemployed and quitting jobs, but would never request flexibility for anything that had to do with myself or the children, even in very extenuating times. So that's part of why he's the ex anyway.
So last wknd Sat the kids had basketball tryouts on Sat for their games that start in a month. It takes about 20-30mins to fill out forms, check jersey size and a few minutes of tryout (to see which team they will be on). I sent him multiple e-mails advising him of this since it fell on his wknd-he said, that'll work. He also said, i'll pay for one of the kids -of course that didn't happen. I have always, ALWAYS done the enrollment, paperwork, forms, drs appts, teacher conferences, on and on and on.
He then says last minute he couldn't take them as he had to work...So I"m pissed and say, ok so let me see if i can reschedule for another day.
They called me back yesterday to say they could go today between 430-6pm.
Another backstory:
Yesterday, my oldest was ill at school when they called me to see if anyone could come get him (head cold, no fever), I was in training and could not leave, impossible-I told my son to call his dad and check (my parents would normally take over but they are out of town for a while)-of course he couldn't. My bf went to pick him up and stayed w/him until I got home around 4pm (after training was done-I left work early). My exh calls me and I say 'bf took care of it" he's all wow that's great of him, tell him i said thanks, i was so upset i couldn't go get him (rrrrrightttt). Then goes on to tell me I should have him stay home and rest today (duh)...it's a head cold, so he's staying home alone and should be ok to do a few mins of tryout later this afternoon I'm thinking.
Ex calls this am and says 'i think i can get over that area around 330ish to get son for a bit'-I'm thinking and do what? you're not staying at my house when i'm not there-
So I say, ok well youngest is also coming home after school around that time...I said, rememebr you couldn't take them Sat to enrollment, they called yesterday and said they could reschedule for today, I was going to have to take off early AGAIN from work to take them, but if you're going to get son, then you can take both our kids and enroll them, they're open between 430-6pm....it takes 20-30mins, fill out forms, i'll leave a check (never asked for his portion). I said it would help out so i dont' leave early again today.
THEN his tune changed to, oh, i can't do that...I'm thinking why NOT? Too much work? He started muttering bullshit, to which i said, then there's no reason for you to come over after work, i'll get out early and take them. CLICK.
F'ing bastard, I swear this man does less then the bare minimal he can w/the kids. Then tells my son the other day 'why don't you ever buy shirts w/mom...and 'he paid for the xbox for his bday'. F'in liar bullshit, i have to bite my tongue w/this loser, deadbeat, spermdonor all the time!!!
God he better remember this come buddypass time next month-he can kiss my white ass.....to forgo MORE responsiblity w/the kids to help yourself...whatever asshole! I'm so pissed today!
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How many kids did you have
How many kids did you have with this guy? At the first time he couldn't be there for me, I wouldn't have continued to have kids. He really hasn't changed, and sadly, neither have your expectations. That is the reason you got divorced. Why did you expect it to be different? Why do you expect it to be different? Yes, it's aggravating, but you should by now not expect anything, really...it will make life much easier for you. I read about stress the other day and how we say that people cause stress in our lives, and how it is truly OUR expectations that do...Heck, it hit me like a brick! lol But I agree...I just don't understand why you expect anything different, why you had more than one kid with someone who was always this laid back, lazy, etc...sigh
Easily explained actually-I
Easily explained actually-I didn't PLAN two kids with the man.
The first one we did....the second one was an accident. My son was around 11 mo old, I was bfeeding, my cycles were sporadic and only had a couple that whole time. My exh and I used 'withdrawl' method for years while dating, and after marriage w/no scares, I truly trusted him to be cautious, I take responsibility for not being on the pill-but it was not recommended while bfeeding. he would not wear condoms.
It was very shortly after getting preggos w/my 1st things got bad (well, worse) quick with us. I was determined to break up then...my exh knew this at the time and refused to seperate. You don't deny an abusive man sex btw (at least not in my case) if you know what's best for you....it wasn't until i found out i was pregnant that he confessed he may have had an oops one time and didn't tell me....I was devastated, contemplated terminating even, was full of regret of bringing another child in the situation-I wanted out, this would keep ME trapped longer in a marriage I wanted no part of. It was entrapment on his end. It hurts, a lot to remember that period of my life. For the most part I tend to block it out-a lot is blurry now.
Why I married him? I don't know-I was very very young when he targeted me (he was almost 9 yrs older)...by the time i married him at 21, I truly believed nobody else would love me, i was lucky he was with me because i was so undesirable (and I look at pics and I think i was a beautiful girl!), my self-esteem was destroyed and i lived in a constant state of trauma bonding. I was a shell of a person that couldn't even make a decision on what milk to buy.
I was a great kid, with great parents and childhood, and I was sweet, and kind and loyal...and he robbed it all. I'm angry about that. I'm angry at abusive men and the trail of destruction they bring. Most of the time I sweep it under the rug and ignore it, sometimes it's very present to me. He knew what he was doing, and in turn destroyed my life, two childrens lives, and complicates my future life and new relationships because of the 'bagagge' of two kids w/a deadbeat i'm left with.
2nd....I don't expect different from him, most of the time i let it be what it is...only on ocassion it gets to me when it's so pronounced how shitty he is. I have to vent and get it out...I rarely vent to anyone about him anymore....I don't want that space in my head.
I guess lately I feel threatend in my current relationship...and i think a lot of it is because i DO have two kids w/this man and i know the daunting role/responsibility my bf would have to carry, scares him. And he is NOT like my ex in anyway.
I know in the end my bf may decide against being with me because it's too much, or I might be alone the rest of my life, who knows.....all because an abusive, older guy stole my life from me and helped bring two kids into a world w/a dad that doesn't give a shit...the 2nd baby was his idea of controlling me and getting ME to stay in that hell of a marriage....some days i'm a little bitter about that-sorry for venting about it...geesh.
I honestly don't know how to control the current stress in my life, I can barely cope. I feel on a constant edge of a nervous breakdown....ovewhelmed..the ex is only a fraction of it.
Sounds like my DW's
Sounds like my DW's ex-husband, aka SD17's "perfect" bio-daddy. He lives one town up from us, but almost never does anything with SD17. In 3+ years of braces, he took her to the orthodontist twice, I think (out of 35+ total trips). Never takes her to the doctor when he has her, so that DW will have to deal with it. Also, only gets 2 days of visitation a month, even though he should have EOW - he just doesn't want to deal with SD17.
Additionally, he has never paid **one penny** beyond his CS. DW did not have anything put into the decree about activities and extracirriculars, so **all** of that falls on her. If she asks for help, he just says "That's what child support is for!" I have always wanted to answer, "Yes, asshole, you pay child support, but it is not reasonable to expect DW to pay for **all** of the sports and extracirriculars out of that amount. That was not something contemplated by the court at the time of the divorce, but that doesn't mean it is unreasonable to help."
So we are stuck with paying for everyhing, including SD17's expensive band-trip this Thanksgiving, which will cost over $2000!!!! If DW had allocated every penny of child support to pay for that, it would have taken almost half a year of saving the CS. And of course, "perfect" bio-daddy pays less than he should be per guidelines, but knows that it would cost more in attorney's fees to take him back to court to force him to pay the correct amount than we could get in increased CS.
Needless to say, I will be **very** happy when that jerk is out of our lives!!!!!!!!!
Well, he has arrears from
Well, he has arrears from several years ago CS and medical stuff-i won't go after that. Apparently $500 a month for two children should more then cover all their yearly expenses
He got upset that he bought a few shirts for them outside of CS.
I've done VERY conservative estimates, leaving out housing, utilities, vacays, medical that I pay (and co-pays, deductibles) etc...and averaged $1200 a month in costs-I'm talking a conservative estimate.
the kids don't idolize him, nor like him much, they just don't like being there, they have often said they wish they had another dad-it feels horrid to see your kids feel so rejected and unimportant to their own dad.
HA...my bf just texted me to see if my son had gone to school today, presumably to go check on him soon I'm thinking-just like he was the one to pick him up from school yesterday. How the hell can a non-related man care more then their own dad. Or perhaps because he loves me he does things for them, but still.