My dad and SM are coming to visit my kids and me today. I am not looking forward to it. My dad has been remarried almost 20 years now (my parents were divorced and my mom passed away when I was a teenager). My mom was an alcoholic and had many issues that made it difficult for me to have the kind of relationship a teenage girl needs. After she died, I had no other older female motherly type to go to and essentially navigated my early twenties without any sage female advice. I suppose my childhood and the loss of my mom was a big factor in my getting married at 20 while still in college.

Back when my dad was dating my SM things were great between us. At the time, I was living 1200 miles away with my then H. My H and I moved several times for corporate moves and things continued to be good. My dad and SM would visit us and the four of us would have a fantastic time.

Just before I got divorced my H found a job in my home state, where my dad and SM live. That is when everything changed. My SM was suddenly a lot more distant and superficial with me. This only worsened when I got separated. At the time, I really needed support from my dad and SM and didn't really get much from either of them. As you're probably guessing, things just declined post-divorce.

Both my dad and my SM have been very critical of me, although they really have no reason to be. I've got two degrees, work in a professional field, and have worked my tail off to provide a loving, secure home for my kids. Btw, my SM didn't have even shared custody of her kids and my dad was an EOWE dad until my mom died and he was forced to care for my then 13 yo brother. My kids are high school athletes, A students, and good, kind-hearted kids. I know they think the world of my kids but the message I get from them still is that there is always something lacking on my end...I'm not strict enough, I'm not an OCD clean freak (I'm not a slob), I don't do x,y,z. Whatever!

It is extremely awkward when they visit, and they're coming today. Lately, it has been so uncomfortable that I don't want to visit them with my kids. I talked to my kids yesterday a little about things and my daughter told me that it is different when they're with my dad and SM and I'm not there. Here's what will happen when they visit, as this is always the drill: my dad will give my house, which is actually pretty neat, but not OCD like theirs, and make some sort of comment on what I am not doing and make suggestions/talk down to me. My SM will be all revved up to the point where no one can really talk and I'll feel anxious because of it. She'll talk about superficial shit and drop names of people I don't know and have no idea who they are and I'll try and act like I am interested. My dad will beam, so proud of the social butterfly wife he has. Then we'll eat and that will also be awkward. More empty small talk and they'll include me in the convo but I will feel awkward. Then they'll leave. Sounds fun, huh? I know it is a different set of circumstances with your parents but I think even though it is different we both get the same net effect many times -- feeling awkward, judged. I'm only doing this for my kids, so they can see their grandparents. Btw, my dad isn't like that really when we're alone. I'm dreading Thanksgiving as I am supposed to go there. I want to be there for my dad but I just don't know if I can stomach it this year. Usually my brother shows up and then the rest of the people there are my SM's family. Her kids act like their house is theirs and my brother and I are sort of forced into a corner. It's sad because I lived there for almost 20 years and it doesn't feel like I'm coming "home" -- it feels like I want to get the hell out of there.

Btw, as an aside...I've tried to have more of a relationship with my SM. Because I haven't ever really had any mother-type figure in my life, there has been a huge hole in me. We've tried doing things but we don't have chemistry. Despite this, I do love my SM as she is a good person I think and has been very good to my kids. If she needed me, I would do just about anything for her. This past Mothers' Day I sent her a text message wishing her happy Mothers' Day and told her I loved her. She never replied but sent me an email that night saying she got my text but doesn't text message and hoped I had a nice day.

Does anyone have some advice for me for getting through today. I know it is only one afternoon but I'm getting increasingly worn down by this. Btw, they now live 75 miles away from me because of my move to be with the exbf three years ago...he had his own issues...

Thanks in advance...