Deferring all decisions to the kids
I am so sick of dh deferring to the kids every time I ask him to make a decision.
Me: "Where are we going for dinner tonight?"
DH: "Hey kids, where do you want to go for dinner?"
Kids: "McDonalds!"
Me: "Let's do what you want to do today DH."
DH: "Hey kids what do you want to do today?"
Kids: "McDonalds!"
He never takes charge of anything in this house, it's either me calling the shots or the kids. I know his parents were divorced so he doesn't really know what a dad is supposed to do. But he throws away every chance to be in charge and then blames me for not letting him make decisions.
ETA: I think at the very least he could answer "I don't care where we go," instead of automatically handing the power over to the kids.
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This.
This.
The indecisiveness alone is
The indecisiveness alone is driving me up the wall. I don't even know how many times I have been cooking dinner when a salesman comes to our door and I have to listen to his pitch because DH cannot make a the smallest decision without deferring to me or the children. Like when they start asking for candy while I am cooking dinner, and he says "go ask mom." He knows I am going to say "no" they will get bitchy about it, and I will have to drop everything and punish them. Kids are starting to emulate this by asking me or the 2 year old to make all their decisions, like what they should have for lunch, what cartoon they should watch, is it okay if they have something to drink, etc.
I am trying to do that!
I am trying to do that! Usually they already asked him and he sent them to me, or when they go ask him, he comes and asks me!
Yeah, I feel like the only
Yeah, I feel like the only grown up in the house. I do all the finances, legal stuff, make all educational and parenting decisions.
Stop asking him. He's shown
Stop asking him. He's shown he is indecisive, wishy washy and hell bent on letting the skids run the show.
Instead say: "DH, I would like to go to XYZ place tonight"
NOW the dynamics have changed. Here's the rest of the scenario:
He'll glance longingly over at his spawn and say "so kids, how do you feel about XYZ place tonight?"
To which they will say "YUCK, NO WAY!"
And now the power struggle begins.
And you'll reply: "Gee, skids, that's too bad, I think you'll like it there" (of course if they go they'll act up the entire time so they can get their way the next time and so daddykins will continue asking THEM where they want to go. . .mcdonalds that is)
"Well if you don't want to go we'll get a sitter for you kids"
That will be turned down as well; they'll DEMAND that daddykins stays with them and takes them to Mickey-Ds since they're already accustomed to having "adult spousal status."
"Fine then, I'll go with a friend of mine and you and daddy can go whereever you want"
Keep doing this enough times and daddykins will soon get sick of McDonalds and maybe, just maybe start acting like an adult and a proper parent. NO guarantees of course.
It made my blood boil when GG (biodad I live with) would ASK the then stb 6 yr old Prince Hygiene IF he'd like to take a shower??!! WTF??!!
My bf is the same way!! He
My bf is the same way!! He don't TELL his daughter to do anything, he ASKS her what she wants to do!!! It drives me up the wall!! I mean you are the parent, act like it!
When we have the kids we
When we have the kids we choose where we (my husband and I) want to eat. My poor husband learned this the hard way. He use to ask the kids where they wanted to eat and they would always choose two different places. And both were usually gross. I would get pissed and I would sit and watch them eat. Then afterward I would tell him where to stop and get me food. After a few times of doing this he figured it out. Now WE decide where we want to eat and then we say "who's hungry". When he's alone with the kids he can take them to crappy places. I refuse to go.