Evil Little Spawn
}:) Ok so I think alot of you will be stunned when you hear my story.My boyfriend has a daughter who just turned 6. I call her the evil spawn. I have been living with her father for a little over a year. Brace yourselves for what Im gona tell ya. When I moved in she would give me dirty looks. She would tell her father that he could not sit next to me on the couch, hold my hand, touch me, kiss me or even talk to me! For months when she was around I was ignored by her and my boyfriend. When she would go to her mothers house he then would talk to me. I was crushed. I spent many months in the basement pretending I was doing laundry when I was actually crying and wishing I never moved in. Other things she has done. Curls up on him and acts like she is hurt and moaning like she is in pain, or she is frail and helpless. Her father falls for her bullshit tactics. She will say to him"Dad your sleeping with me tonight,right?" or "Dad remember when it was just me and you?" Its always in front of me. She will throw me a look like.....Are you paying attention Bitch!!She also is very sexual for her age. The way she shows him affection is disgusting. She will straddle him and kiss him on the lips over and over. I can tell he gets ashamed and will tell her thats enough. Thats usually when she will begin doing the damsel in distress stuff. It makes me want to throw up. Ive even seen her give him hand massages with lotion. He knows Im watching and gets very embarrassed of her. She seems to want me to watch because she thinks it makes me jelious. Im not...it just makes me sick to my stomach because I find it inapropiate and strange. When he puts her to bed,most nights she starts crying and doing her damsel in distress bit so dad strokes her her and kisses her on the head and tells her everything is ok. She does like for him to sleep with me. Many nights I sleep alone cause he has to please her. If he trys to sleep with me she will wake him up and make him come to her room.Also when she comes over she will walk in the door without saying hi to me and say "come on dad" while taking her dad by the hand bringing him in her room and shut the door.I have and eleven year old boy. He has never behaived like this. Nor have I ever been around a child her age who acts like her. I want to like her. I take care of her often. Her mother is a whore. She cheated on my boyfriend while married. She was sleeping with the neighbor when her daughter was 3. It went on for 3 years. She lives with the guy and just had his baby. My boyfriend files for divorce but she does not want the divorce, so she is makeing our life a living hell. My boyfriend has nothing but hate and anger for her and cant understand why she wont let go of him when she was the one who screwed up. I think its because she does not like me and hates to see him move on. Anyhow getting back to the spawn. Months ago while eating dinner her father and I were talking. She got off the dinner table and yelled at him"I said dont talk to her!" I lost my mind. I left after telling him how disrespectful his child is and how he has no backbone to put her in check. Things got better for a while after that. My son does not like the spawn because he says he does not like the way she treats me. I love my boyfriend so much and would like to blend our families but there are days I hate his kid. SHe is evil.And that cold evil stare she gives me scares me. She wants to be in control of her dad at all times. Ive never seen a child do this. Her mother use to very much control her father. Could it be that this behaivor is learned from her mother? THe kid trashes her room after I clean it. And we are not talking a small mess. Its like a hurricane blew threw. When she sees the look of disbelief on my face she appears content. Its creepy. I have almost left bacause of this child many times. My boyfriend is a very sweet tender man. I love more deeply than Ive ever loved another man in my life. But Christsake I really resent his kid for making me so miserable at times. Im trying to hang in there bacause I feel I have a future with this man and I love him so much. How do I deal with an EVIL CHILD?
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Your BF has to put a stop to
Your BF has to put a stop to this. It's not normal and the longer it carries on the worse it will become.
The problem is your
The problem is your boyfriend, he needs to teach his daughter to respect you. Kids feel as though they will be put second, or forgot about when a new boyfriend or girlfriend comes in the picture. So she's acting really extra to keep his love and attention. You need to talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and if he loves you and wants a relationship, he'll nip that shit in the bud. When my ss was 3 he used to say stuff like "I wish it was just u and me" and dh would say" but it's not, this is my woman and she's apart of our lives now". Your boyfriend needs to make the situation clear
WOW!! Unbelievable and CREEPY
WOW!! Unbelievable and CREEPY is right!!! First, I think she needs therapy- there is something much more disturbing going on inside her;some deep seeded and serious issues!! From a child's perspective- if she was a daddy's girl before you came along- she may fear that You are taking him away from her. She is acting clingy and jealous- as if you are a threat to her relationship with her father. However, It is insane that a 6 year old has so much power and control over her father.
He has to be the one to lay down the laws with her- and try to explain to her that he still loves her and he's always going to be her daddy. HE has to be the one to make the necessary changes in these behaviors by stopping them when they happen. Maybe her behavior is a sign that she has been molested - or witnessed these types of "sexual" behaviors ( maybe between BM and her boyfriends?) and she doesn't realize it is inappropriate behavior. Why does your BF feel obligated to go along with these behaviors when he clearly knows it's not appropriate. If you love him, I would seriously talk about counseling- and maybe have him "try" to talk to the BM about these behaviors.
He needs to make it clear to SD6 that she has to respect you- and then enforce the rules that would teach her proper boundaries between him and her- which she is not going to accept easily. Expect a fight- and be willing to openly talk to him about these issues if you plan on staying. Imagine this child in another 4 or 5 years when she hits pre-puberty. IF she doesn't learn how to control these urges and inappropriate behaviors- she might be clinging to the first boy who shows the slightest interest in her. Scary thought!!
BBGF
I agree....do not marry into
I agree....do not marry into this no matter how much you love him until she is under control. If she has this much control at SIX, you are in for a long miserable life. Don't do it. Been there, done that. When my SD was 8 she was run to the bathroom if she heard the shower because she thought he might be in it! She was in love with her dad in a diff way! It wa creepy!!!! Her mother gave her baths until she was almost TEN and when she was at our house she always wanted to take a bath and would say "dont forget to wash my coochie!" I would be like WHAT!?!? I told DH that is she is old enough to remind someone to wash it...she was old enough to do it herself!! It not telling what they mother had done in front of her. She was starved for any male attention at all. She was waaay into the sexual fixation. If we went past DIck's sporting goods she would have to repeat that word for an hour. WEIRD!! It took lots of work and many years to get past all that. No way would I ever do that again., never. You waste so many years on trying to fix someone else's child that you end up cheating your own. You can't get that time back and honey, it's not worth all that effort. I think back then I was immature and just wanted to WIN. I didn't want them to get the best of me but I gave up a lot for that dysfunctional life. Trust me when I say... let them have him. As hard as it is....is baggage and it gets heavier and heavier the older they get!
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your input. I have thought several times that the mothers boyfriend may have touched the child inapropiately. Or she has seen them doing things she should not have seen. I have spoken to her father about it. I think its too much for him to handle even thinking about. My boyfriend has spoken to the child and she knows how much he loves her. I watch her often when she is here and get her off to school. She is completely fine with me when we are alone but as soon as her Dad walks through the door its like the Evil takes over.I have spoken to my boyfriend about it several times. He has made many changes that have been positive but it seems like everyday its somthing else with her. She is over emotional. Throws fits like a teenager. Her vocabulary is of a teenager. Very snotty and rude. Other times she can be sweet. If he says no to her she will stomp to her room yelling out"FINE!" and slam the bedroom door. She will not take a shower or bath without her dad in the bathroom. Sometimes he puts swimming trunks on to shower with her. I find this disturbing, and I have told him how I feel. He says he wont shower with her agian. BUt tonight when I turned on the shower for her...she called her dad to come sit in the bathroom while she washed. Im not gona lie I get very very very upset when he sleeps with her. I find it sick that he can not put her to bed like all us parents put our children to bed. Couple weeks ago it appeared my son got through to him when he told him that his daughter wont share him and that she treats his mom like shit. But guess where he is tonight! Yes in bed with her.
Maybe I should just give up. Im not trying to come between anyones child. BUt this is too much for me.
Stressed out Mom, I think
Stressed out Mom,
I think you already KNOW what you need to do- it's making that first step. All of this is Very inappropriate behavior, especially for a six year old. IF he is not willing to listen, you really need to escape sooner rather than later. It will be heartbreaking- but I think once you are away from the situation- you will see how "sick" it really is. My ex husband told me stories about his relationship with his mother- and your stories are similar in details. In fact, she was still "helping him wash his hair and shower" when he was 15 years old!! When I was 7 months pregnant, my ex had to have hernia surgery- and his MOTHER incisted she help him get into the shower and she stayed in the bathroom the whole time. I seriously wanted to vomit- I was so sick inside. I was only 16- he was 21....and even I KNEW this was plain WRONG!!
Children don't know things are abnormal if they live with it their whole life. Children who witness violence believe violence is acceptable. Children who witness drug and alcohol abuse daily will think this is "normal". Children who act more sexual and loving toward a parent- are crossing boundaries into incest even if the actual sexual contact has not occurred.
When the boundaries of what is "normal" and acceptable get blurred- neither parent or child will understand how inappropriate the behaviors are until it's too late. These behaviors border on incest- plain and simple. Does the SD live with you guys full time??? This is going to become a giant elephant in the room- one neither one of you are going to want to admit is there. I say put your foot down now- and get out before you become so consumed with their sick relationship- you lose sight of your own happiness.
BBGF
Time for daddy to grow some
Time for daddy to grow some sack and blister some little girl butt!
You too need to take some adult control of her little ass. Next time she trashes her room that you have cleaned blister her bare butt then empty her room of everything but the bed and basic furniture and put all of her shit on the curb and let it disappear. No crap in her room, nothing to make a mess with.
Wilfull little shit kids need to realize one thing. Behave or be miserable. I am all for happy, respectful well behaved children. If they choose not to be happy, respectful and well behaved then I can damned sure make them miserable and actually have a bit of fun while doing it.
Don't get me wrong. A kid that truly needs help should get that help. Unfortunately few parents these days have the brains or courage to parent and tend to immediately go to the position of "poor baby just needs a hug, understanding and some therapy". Sure some kids need therapy and ever kid needs a hug and understanding but no more so than they need boundaries, behavioral expectations and consequences for poor behavior.
Most importantly your SO needs definate clarity.
Here is the clarity I would give to your SO were I you.
1) She will sleep in her own bed and you will sleep in ours. Period. You leave our bed for hers, do not bother coming back. My 11yo son does not sleep in our bed, I don't sleep in his so you will not sleep in hers.
2) You either discipline your spawn or I will but there will be discipline and consequences for her behavior in our home. The same applies to all children in our home.
3) Children in our home will treat the adults with respect. Period. No negotiation and no tolerance for any deviation. If not, see #2 above.
Far too many parents forget that their job is to parent their children. A parent is not a buddy, a lover, a friend, a companion or a pawn to their children. A parent is a confidant, mentor, example, advocate and disciplinarian to their children.
Friend, and buddy can come later when the kids are grown. Lover, companion and a plethora of other relationships should never be a parents role with their child or visa versa.
I am 47 years old and my own parents are two of my favorite people but even now they will jerk a knot in my tail, and my brother's, if they think we need it or if one of us says or does something they consider out of line.
IMHO of course.
I read your other post before
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: I read your other post before reading this. I thought you might not even have kids so I figured maybe you were not understanding. However her behavior isn't his fault alone. Tell him to teach the child how to behave and respect you.
As effed up in the head as his daughter is and apparently he doesn't know how to parent...if I were you I'd hit the ground running. Its not your fault he is a broken man whose wife cheated on him. You need to find someone either without kids or who has respectful kids!! :sick: :sick:
When she starts doing this he needs to put her in her place and tell her that's enough but he doesn't. She is practically making out with her dad and he hasn't put an end to it yet. A lot of women think they can train or change a man. You can't. He won't change unless he does it for himself not you. If you wanna be miserable keep trying to fight a fight that you will lose. I'd say run and run fast.
oh and stand up for yourself.
oh and stand up for yourself. she's not too young to be told whats what. i'd tell her off if he doesn't nobody would talk to me like that i dont care if they are 6 or not.
Don't clean her room any
Don't clean her room any more. Either your bf can clean it, or it can be left a mess. Just close the door until the next time she comes.
Don't clean her room any
Don't clean her room any more. Either your bf can clean it, or it can be left a mess. Just close the door until the next time she comes.
I can see why you call her
I can see why you call her 'evil little spawn'! But after reading what you wrote, this child is SCREAMING out for help. She and her dad need therapy and pronto. Push push push your bf into at the very least getting his daughter the help she so obviously needs. She is still young and the sooner her issues start to be addressed the better the outcome for her.
And while I hear you when you say you love your bf more deeply than anyone ever, until and unless the sd situation is addressed and starts to improve any relationship you chose to have with bf is not going to work. I feel the same about my dh. He is the kindest, most caring man that I have ever met. And his daughter and I had a good relationship until we got married. (They have lived with me for the past 1-1/2 years and we just got married 3 months ago.) The day we got married, it was like a switch flipped and she has become a needy demanding baby (she is 13). She and I avoid each other around the house. And things were OK before I married her dad.
Not an easy situation to be in. My heart goes out to you.
There is no way I would stay
There is no way I would stay in this relationship. You have warning flag all over the place here. If she is like this now, can you imagine when she is a teenager and can really do some damage. My SD15 is a nightmare but at least I can say she was only mildly a PIA when we were dating. My hell began after we married and I was stuck...You can get out. Your own child is giving you all the signs that this is not a good relationship for him and you.