Christmas Card from SD with Pictures of BM
Today we got a Christmas Card from SD and her husband addressed only to her dad. It was a digital photo card with pictures of SD and her brothers as kids opening presents with their mom & dad. Yes we got pictures of their mom for Christmas again.
This is why it's so difficult to be a wife of a widower. Every single holiday has to be about the dead wife. If your SO is divorced, consider yourself lucky.
Dh doesn't understand why I'm so upset and says it was suppose to be funny with goofy embarrassing old photos. I don't see why they can't send normal cards. They find ways to make everything about their mom and exclude me.
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That sucks, hon. I wish that
That sucks, hon. I wish that I could say something to help.
At least you're in their lives now. Maybe you should talk to DH and SD about it together, in a non confrontational way, and tell them how much it hurts your feelings.
i hope i dont get roasted for
i hope i dont get roasted for this, but the way i see it, it shouldnt be too much of a threat, the woman is DEAD. how long has she been gone?
And the way *I* see it, if
And the way *I* see it, if the SD truly wanted to share photos, that could have been done at any time. To completely dismiss the SM via a trip-down-memory-lane Christmas card is just.plain.sucky.
yes, this is true.
yes, this is true.
It's more of an emotional
It's more of an emotional threat than a physical one. Unlike if there was a divorce, my Dh never chose to leave his wife. If she hadn't died, then they would still be happily married. She's been dead for about 10 years now and all three of the skids will not get over it and want to remind their dad at every possible moment of their mom and reinforce how much more he loves her than me.
It's just since SD made 18
It's just since SD made 18 that she is doing some introspection, she now gets who I am, and the ramifications of making waves here. I might suggest to her that she's hurting her daddy when she pulls all the stunts she does. I might ask her to put herself in those shoes, or remember when her mom used to push and pull her emotionally against me too. Now SD and I joke about how lame the comments are that she was asked to relay to me, we actually came up with some more original ones and laughed about it all. I do not blame the child for the nasty comments, she was too young and naieve to know any better than to obey her mother, that and she still lived there! SD is a smart girl, between us we diffused the nastiness from BM and I put BM in her place a couple of times too. DH tells me he's glad I did that, at first I thought he was a big wuss for not standing up for me but, you know what? I am a woman in my own right and I can stand up for my own self, DH backs me up when I do make my own stand.
It's a process, no doubt about it, blending a family and we've come a long way in the last 8 years. Hell on wheels for a while there...LOL
I would like to wish all of you a merry Christmas and all the best for the new year.
It's normal to miss the
It's normal to miss the deceased at Holidays. I do not send out an assortment of cards...just one. It's usually something snarky, because I hate Xmas...and I send it out to believers, non believers, jewish friends...doesn't matter, my card...my sentiments. I wouldn't begrudge someone a stroll down memory lane at the holidays though.
Your intention might be to
Your intention might be to add humor and such but not EVERY person will read it that way. I bet a lot of people will love to see the late mother's photos...but this poster did not. My point is...you can't please everyone...and I'm not going to run around arranging multiple cards trying to decide who will take what and in what way. I will send out my version of holiday cheer...let you know I'm thinking of you...and if your panties are in a knot because you don't like my card....sorry. (example..I sent out a happy festivus card one year and the catholics in our family flipped shit...we took Christ out of Christmas!!!!oh nos!!!)
I'm completely fine with people pitching my cards...although I preferred they recycle them.
I haven't spoken to my SD in
I haven't spoken to my SD in over 6 years and haven't seen her since she left home 8 years ago. She doesn't care what I think or how I feel. She doesn't admit that I exist. So the last thing in the world she's going to do is confide in me that she misses her mom and there's absolutely no doubt every single day she misses her mom. Everyone who knows her I'm certain is aware of her mom's death.
She has her relatives on her mom's side that continue to support her and feed her and her brother's hatred of their father and view that I'm Satan. I'm sure they'd love the card. Anything that continues to keep her mom's memory alive is supported by them.
These kinds of antics are not
These kinds of antics are not just stunts pulled off by widowers adult children. I have been married 13 years to my husband. We have no children from this marriage. He spent 7 years with his first wife and had children. They divorced over 32 years ago.
Seems as they have grown older[now middle age] they have all become very close with their mom. My being any part of their lives ended several years ago when I took a stand and refused to take on raising anymore of DH's grandchildren or accepting responsibility for promises DH would make but he was not in a position to fulfil.
As my DH and even his family {his siblings} age it seems they all have gone into an almost reminisceing
state of mind. Thanks to Facebook any pictures from 30 some years ago are constantly posted. The ex is on all their friend lists. It is unlikely she has had actual in person contact with any of them in years . The children most likely keep mom in the picture. Most of them still live in the same apartment building with her.
DH spends several days each Christmas visiting at their place and mom never misses the opportunity to be part of the family when DH arrives. The few times they do send a card or pictures of grandchildren it is addressed to DH. If they invite DH for anything they most likely expect him to come alone and he has a history of just saying he is going without inviting me.
Seems to be a lot of picture taking when he is around them. Perhaps it fulfills their need of feeling like the family they never were. DH had a long term marriage that ended in death.[no children] The mom had several other marriages and children and is now divorced. The statement under one of their facebook pictures from Christmas summed things up very well. DH's sister asked why she did not see any pictures of me. The answer was 'She doesn't come. No great loss"
DH is always thrilled to come home and tell me about any misfortune that comes to his ex. He has gotten better but I did get to the point of telling him that she had just as much reason to be thrilled when bad things happened to him. After 32 years "GET OVER IT"
Adult girls are worse at finding ways to make it appear that 'THEY WERE FAMILY' How things are handled sometimes has much to do with age and where you are at in life. For me I would have to honestly say it hurts to never feel like a total family. But there are some very good advantages to being his wife the other 363 days of the year. Compared to his ex and children my life is good. We own 4 homes, His pension allows me to stay home and persue my own interests, I have the best of medical insurance,and I have my own children /grandchildren to dote on. It seems to be a much better life than the ex has going to work at subway every day and living in an attic apartment.