I have dated so for almost five years. We ended in October, he contacted me and I caved and went back. Started to have the same old feelings in my gut that things will never change with him and his skids. Son still partying only now on weekends since he finally got a job after being out of school for a year and a half. Daughter still the same manipulative brat she was the day I met her when she was sixteen and he is still taking her crap. Ended it again. This time I sought him out saying to myself "nothing is perfect" maybe we can work on our differences and I can just disengage from skids.

Been waking up in the middle of the night having terrible dreams about having to see his daughter again. Haven't been around her since September. I told him I am not ready to go to his house yet. This was the first holiday season in four years that I didn't have to go to "his" family since both my parents are deceased and only have one sibling who does not live near me. Most of my cousins live out of state, all aunts and uncles except for one set living in West Va, are deceased. I basically have my children. Spent Christmas eve and Christmas day with my son, very relaxed and no pressure to drive out to see his family and have to spend the entire day there.

Knowing that I will soon have to face sd is making me crazy. Sleepless nights, migraine headaches. Has anyone ever had these feelings in their relationships. We have no intention of ever marrying, ever. He made it quite clear one day when he was asking me if I was ever going to move in with him and I responded with "are you ever going to marry me". I told him that I will never move in with his kids. Besides the fact that I would have to pay him a thousand dollars a month to live there when that is all my mortgage is at my home and all I would be doing is enabling him to give his darling sd all her money for clothes, pedicures, manicures, highlights in her hair, all the things I don't do because I can't afford to but she doesn't even work and does all this because she has a "sugar daddy" my boyfriend.

His wife left and now his daughter runs the house and i kid you not. Meanwhile she feeds him such crap like "I don't like being around mom (her BM) because she drinks too much (BM is an alcoholic)". Meanwhile on facebook all fall there are pictures of her and her mom with drinks in their hand every weekend that they did something. Do I tell him this. I feel like when I try to tell him stuff like this he turns it around on me. Someone once sent him a post in the mail from her fb page in which she posted on fb that she was "semen thirsty". His response to her was "you look like a slut when you put things like that on there". Of course, he knows nothing about fb and she of course lied through her teeth and said someone else put it there. So I said to him maybe so but why would you keep it up there for weeks then. Erase it. This is what I am up against with him and her. I read this and think I am "nuts" for dealing with this.

What am I doing with my life considering that I have no plans on marrying him. it will be years (at least five) before we could ever even consider living together. His 21 year old daughter hasn't even finished two years of college and she is off this semester because she is "stressed out" basically emancipating herself.

Is my inner self giving me the headaches and sleepless nights because deep down I know this is a road to "hell"....